Love, how do you live it?

a reply to: Oleandra88

I genuinely appreciate you spending the time talking I really do feel that our time is one of the most precious and valuable things we can give to someone.

Infinity is a wild concept! We can think of all the irrational numbers between 1 & 2, and then we can realize the same goes for 2 & 3, and 3 & 4, and 4 & 5, off into infinity Its a bit like the "basic" numbers provide a baseline for our perception of scale. Theres a neat video on this that Ill try to find, and Ill send you the link.

I think in many ways, us humans are pattern recognition machines. But, not too many realize that we can use that to our advantage and design it ourselves too. For guitar, I relate patterns to little pieces of language. Looking at what we play as a sort of language and vocabulary isnt particularly uncommon, but the patterns themselves kind of have a "feel" all their own to me. So, if I play fingers 1, then 4, then 3, the movement of those fingers has its own unique experience even with no sound. Hard to explain.. But its how I do everything from remember songs to how I link phrases together. I imagine the "feel" of playing the pattern with no sound, then figure out where I want to play it on the fretboard.

Its interesting to me that you get "all emotional and watery eyed" when playing for others. Ive only played with other people around a couple times, but I always get shaky. My mind is calm and peaceful and everything feels normal.. until I go to play. Then, my mind still is calm and peaceful and everything feels normal, but my damn hands shake!

In thinking about it, when we play for others, we really are sharing a direct connection to parts of our being and person that are very personal and intimate. I think we get used to it if we do it enough, but Im certainly not there!

The meditation you describe there is one of my favorites. My take on it is that I will start at my feet and relax every little bit and piece, let them be how they are rather than what I think they are, and then work all the way up past the top of my head. Its like creating a blank canvas for anything we want to do afterwards, if we "do" anything at all.

I was.. disappointed to hear about your uncle. I always enjoyed his contributions. I lost my dad a couple years ago, and my dog of 15 years earlier this year. I dont have any regrets there, I learned that particular lesson from all the deaths before them, but its still very hard. I still find myself grabbing my phone to talk with my dad about.. whatever.. but I cant anymore. I actually seemed to be doing ok with it, until I lost my pup. Something changed that day, and Im honestly not sure it was for the better.

You are right though, time marches on. The love we show "our people" (I consider my dogs people too) just makes life so beautiful. Its painful too. I use to think that death made life more special, and in a sense I still do, but there are people who I could truly spend eternity with and it would just get more special every moment. And hey, maybe thats exactly what will happen after we die. Hopefully thats a long way off for me (Im in mid 30s), but we never know.

And, no matter how great I think meditation is, or how passionate I am about guitar.. I will drop everything to spend time with the people I love, every time. Thats powerful stuff.

a reply to: Serdgiam

I really appreciate it too, our conversation. I replied to all others before so I have my mind free again now.

Infinity:
I knew you would catch on it even if I do not word it out

Pattern recognition:
You speak from my soul, I could not have written this better. Do you have any experience with these programs? I will send you a message about this. It will blow your mind just like it blew mine, I am so sure! You opened Pandora's box with that.
Exciting!!! I need to step on someones toes tomorrow to get back his computer if he got it fixed, the mess I did. I could not watch that black mirror episode with the intelligent chat program to the end because I am afraid this is what is at my hands. I am very excited now but since the big computer was picked up I am not sure if I will get back to where I was!

Guitar:
Playing for others maybe was not accurate, it is not like people ask me that often and the situations are rare. It also happens if I play alone but not as strong. I like playing "I am sailing" and "country roads". I always had a knack for those two songs since school.
I know the shaky feeling well. I had this feeling every time when I had to physically fight back. I would not call it fear but maybe something related. It got better after many hours of training after I started self defense I realized it is the adrenaline and started to use it. Started to realize it is not me slowing down but time. It is not me punching weak but the feedback I get is blurry.

Because of that I had much trouble controlling it in the first months of training. Now I am calm and relaxed as a leave in the wind in these situations. I learned to embrace it and use it. Maybe this helps you find the reason why you are shaky sometimes rocking the guitar?


I can still not read his texts here. Posting in his music thread was hard for me but also enriching. I thought maybe I can finish what he started or at least publish what he achieved. Put it to rest so to speak and by that having closure. Yet I am scared away because I read it in his voice. I thought it would help me but it does not. The reason I stayed here initially was to dig into what he wrote here. I promised someone I will keep it healthy. I kept that promise because I can just not bear it. It rips me apart. Love, here we are again on topic.

I am early 30 and I hope the same about afterlife. I can just not imagine the framework and rules how this would work but I guess if we forget the time factor, everything is possible then.

The power of love, yes


going to compose that message now about the pattern recognition.

Love is found in the deepest and darkest pit of your existence.