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Brother in Law? You're not married!

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posted on Aug, 21 2019 @ 02:25 PM
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OK, so my biological brother's ( I call all men "bros" sometimes) "girlfriend" comes to visit us us from Sydney (Australia) in Cape Town (South Africa).

They were already an item when they left here in 2004.
But they never married.

In Australia they'd say it's your brother's "partner".

But wow, isn't that lgbt sub-culture appropriated, and they are a man and a woman?

But to get to the nitty gritty, she called me her "brother-in-law".

I appreciatte that, but you're not married.

I'm a common-law brother in law, pehaps.

But until you two marry, I'm not your "brother-in-law"!

No, I'm very old fashioned that way.

Should I take legalistic exception, or be flattered?




posted on Aug, 21 2019 @ 02:31 PM
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They were already an item when they left here in 2004.


Well I would say she is your sister in law no reason to look at it otherwise.
I know so many who have been together years and years and they don't have the trust or want the contract for some reason beyond my understanding to me they are indeed husband and wife.



posted on Aug, 21 2019 @ 02:32 PM
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I mean it's an ideological, legalistic question.
Call me what you like.
I'm actually flattered to have a male "family role" again.

But: Am I a "brother-in-law" if there was no marriage?

I don't know if it's appropriate.
Isn't there another word?
Actually, in English not that I can find.
edit on 21-8-2019 by halfoldman because: (no reason given)



posted on Aug, 21 2019 @ 02:42 PM
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a reply to: halfoldman

Easy, if you don't like it tell her not to call you that.
If you are ok with it, then leave it.

We get too formal over these things sometimes.
Personally, I think it is reason to be flattered. She already thinks of you as family.

Here in the US we are weird about those things too. For example, i've been married a Looooooong time.
I have never once called my mother in law, or father in law, Mom or dad. ever. I call them by their first name.
It makes my own mother absolutely crazy, because in her culture that is not allowed and is actually disrespectful.

I know people that are merely dating and their call their boyfriend/girlfriends mom, and dad just that.



posted on Aug, 21 2019 @ 02:45 PM
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You're a potential brother-in-law, perhaps.

A brother-in-law in waiting ...

Ja, jaa - you just want the bachelor party.
How can can I deny that?

But I want it all legal too.



edit on 21-8-2019 by halfoldman because: (no reason given)



posted on Aug, 21 2019 @ 02:53 PM
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Good Lord! First World Problem, bro. Let it go.



posted on Aug, 21 2019 @ 03:20 PM
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a reply to: halfoldman

At one time, it is possible that you would have reason to be offended.... or rather, she offended herself.


"brother of one's husband or wife," also "brother of one's sister's husband," c. 1300; also brother in law; see brother + in-law. In Arabic, Urdu, Swahili, etc., brother-in-law, when addressed to a male who is not a brother-in-law, is an extreme insult, with implications of "I slept with your sister."


Source: etymonline



posted on Aug, 21 2019 @ 03:26 PM
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So they call one another Girlfriend and boyfriend still?



posted on Aug, 21 2019 @ 03:47 PM
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She thinks both fondly enough and highly enough of you to consider you a brother-in-law, and the only thing on your mind is formalities? Not "Aw geez, that's sweet! Family's what you make it anyway!" The first place your mind goes is "They ain't married, not an in-law!" o.O

I'd clue that girl in to the reality of who she's so fond of if I could, it seems she put you up a bit too high on that familial pedestal.



posted on Aug, 21 2019 @ 04:04 PM
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a reply to: schuyler

First world problems?

Brother you should see the third world.

You can literally inherit your brother's wife or wives.



posted on Aug, 21 2019 @ 04:11 PM
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originally posted by: halfoldman
a reply to: schuyler

First world problems?

Brother you should see the third world.

You can literally inherit your brother's wife or wives.


Did you willfully miss my point or do you seriously not understand it? Just in case you really have no clue, allow me to clarify. I've seen the third world and it is basically the pits. Your "problem" with nomenclature here is NOT IMPORTANT IN THE LEAST. It's trivial. Find something more important to worry about.



posted on Aug, 21 2019 @ 04:49 PM
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No, but I made this thread, and I want to know, at what point do you become a "Brother-in-law"?

If they're not married, but they call you that - is that correct?

No actually it is not correct at all.



posted on Aug, 21 2019 @ 04:56 PM
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originally posted by: halfoldman
Should I take legalistic exception, or be flattered?


I think you should just not worry about it at all, let her call you that if she wants to, who cares, you've been practically family for over 15 years.

Sometimes people just do that. I've had girls call me 'daddy' and I most definitely was not their father.



posted on Aug, 21 2019 @ 04:57 PM
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To me it's like the army - marriage is a status.

I'm not gonna call a "Corporal" Sarge, for example.

You're not married, i am not your brother-in-law.

I'd like to be for sure ...

But you haven't given me that status yet.



posted on Aug, 21 2019 @ 05:04 PM
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originally posted by: halfoldman
No, but I made this thread, and I want to know, at what point do you become a "Brother-in-law"?

If they're not married, but they call you that - is that correct?

No actually it is not correct at all.


It's HONORARY. There is no legality to it AT ALL. Now go look up the word "PEDANTIC" And, if you're so adamant that you are correct, why bring it up here? This is not a place to find co-dependents for your insecurities. Go ahead and make a fool of yourself and alienate the person who calls you that. But don't get all pissy because people here don't agree with you.
edit on 8/21/2019 by schuyler because: (no reason given)



posted on Aug, 21 2019 @ 05:08 PM
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originally posted by: halfoldman
I mean it's an ideological, legalistic question.
Call me what you like.
I'm actually flattered to have a male "family role" again.

But: Am I a "brother-in-law" if there was no marriage?

I don't know if it's appropriate.
Isn't there another word?
Actually, in English not that I can find.


Boyfriends brother



posted on Aug, 21 2019 @ 05:21 PM
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The "in-law" should tell you right away that it's a legal term based on a legal marriage. That people use it in other ways is irrelevant.



posted on Aug, 21 2019 @ 05:53 PM
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originally posted by: HalWesten
The "in-law" should tell you right away that it's a legal term based on a legal marriage. That people use it in other ways is irrelevant.


In some places that many years together makes it law.



posted on Aug, 21 2019 @ 06:00 PM
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I don't think I did that (getting all "pissy").

in fact I feel very happy about it.



posted on Aug, 21 2019 @ 06:04 PM
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Let's ask what is a marriage, and what is a spin-off of a marriage?

Other relatives, their status changes too.

Fine, but to claim these spin-offs, when you haven't actually married is strange.



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