a reply to: JAGStorm
First of all I'll admit I haven't seen my two children in 5 years (my daughter is 15 and my son is 11). I suck, I totally realize that. But I gotta
say it wasn't within my control exactly. I made a critical mistake and they slipped away and I haven't recovered yet. My xwife just took them one day,
I woke up and they were gone. She took all the responsibility into her hands and I don't have the financial resources to challenge that reasonably.
I'm crushed by all sorts of problems that were also not within my control and that I couldn't foresee coming.
Thankfully, we haven't ever gone to court over any of this, my xwife doesn't believe in using govt to get her way. Instead I just try to keep in touch
and when I do have money, I offer it to her. She never accepts it and says I probably need it more, which is likely true. So I am thankful that she's
at least somewhat reasonable about this.
I worry about my children every night, I cry about it, I have nightmares about it. It's traumatizing and devastating. My only saving Grace here is
twofold 1) God has been taking care of them which I'll never be more thankful of anything in my life and 2) I raised them every day until their mom
took them away and taught them great core values and intellectual skills that have led them to be top students, respectful of others, and to be strong
I lucked out. But I'm afraid others aren't so lucky. I can understand how tragedies like this occur. We have children before we are mature enough to
understand or put in the work to create a lasting healthy marriage. In my case, my xwife and I were both immature, selfish, and too quick to criticize
each other over petty things. Flaws like jealousy and anger were allowed to run out of control, as we had not learned how to deal with them yet. This
ripped us apart.
Now - about the story I actually wanted to share:
I moved to Colorado last year around this time, and by January I had gotten a job at Comcast and met a woman there I worked with and moved in with her
a few weeks later. She lived with her youngest son, who is 16 years old. This kid has never been taught much discipline or respect.
He plays Fortnite all the time and screams at the top of his lungs any time someone shoots him in this game, which is very often lol. At first I
laughed about it, but within a few days I was getting pretty annoyed by it. Thankfully his room was down in the basement and depending on where I was
in the large house, I often couldn't hear him. I also use headphones a lot or just enjoy the back porch (the view of the mountains there was
What was the most shocking thing of all for me, was to see how he speaks to his mother. He will scream in her face, threaten her, cuss at her,
threaten suicide, etc. This is a regular occurrence if she challenges him or criticizes him in any way.
Why did I not step in and stop him or speak my mind about it? Because it's not my kid. It's not my place or my business to parent this child. If I
wanted to continue enjoying the cheap rent and my room in the back, it was best I just kept out of it all and let them handle their business how they
see fit. I didn't intervene and if I was nearby when it went down I'd leave the room. I'm not there to get involved in this.
But I was definitely shocked by it. And I have a few ideas of why it is this way. He had no father to discipline him or teach him how to respect
women. The men around him (his mom's many boyfriends over the years) were abusive and angry types, or were just simply retarded. This is how he saw
men treat his mother, so this is how he treated her too. With anger, threats, screaming, etc.
It was terrible to witness. I also lost a lot of respect for this woman after seeing how her relationship with this kid was, and how she lacked
self-respect for herself. I admit, for a few months there I was "in love" with her, but really it was purely lust combined with my own loneliness and
desire for companionship that drove that.
This woman had no intellectual interest in me, she had no ability to discuss interesting things, she was almost always focused on her phone playing
around on social media engaged in totally mindless pursuits.
I learned something really important from this though, and it's about me and what I deserve. I deserve a woman who is interested in my mind and can
hold a great conversation. I deserve a woman that respects herself and desires an adventure. I deserve a woman who can be a real friend and express
her emotions openly, even if they are painful, and can sympathize with me when I express mine.
I learned that just because a woman is gorgeous, doesn't really matter much. It doesn't fulfill me. I cannot and never will make me happy. In fact, I
was very unhappy with this woman because of these reasons. There's a lot of great things about her but she just isn't for me. I'm thankful that a
series of unrelated horrible events took me out of this situation because I was becoming very depressed and lost as the days wore on.