just had my official worst date ever

so i havent seen this girl in almost a year and she wanted to hang out and go for a cofee and walk around.

everything was going great and things were back to how they had been(a good thing)

we randomly walked passed a good mexican restaurant and we were sitting there and ordered and this older guy(like 50+) says hi to my friend and there is the normal banter but she asks him to sit down and i was like well that's kind of rude, and i even gave her that look an excused myself.

we are all in 'recovery' but unlike them i don't make my whole life about my past so i don't want to hear about that kind of thing anymore and they kept going on and on and i was like do you guys mind there are people less than arm's reach away they don't want to hear about heroin junkies and your group going around cleaning up needles on the street.

at that point i asked him to leave, and she half hardly did as well and i was like dude can you please go.

instead of arguing with them i paid the bill and waited a few mins to block her to see if she said anything(she didnt) and so i blocked her.


and left immediately

i have NEVER been treated like this by ANYONE.


RUDE!!! and honestly has me a little upset

a reply to: penroc3

I completely understand, Ive been clean for 3 months and go to NA meetings and it seems like everybody that has multiple years of sobriety have no life besides meetings and work. I'm like you and just want to move on with my life and do the things that ive missed out on because of my addiction. My addiction robbed me of a happy life and I dont want my recovery to do the same.

a reply to: penroc3

You blocked her? Like with a physical block? Or an internet block? Either way, great way to cope with that situation!

Since when has going to coffee been a date, I used to go to coffee with lots of girls I knew back in the seventies, I never dated them. People they knew came and sat down and talked on occasion. They stayed a little while then moved on. Maybe she just wanted someone to hang around with, you do not own someone just because you bought them coffee.

It sounds like the guy is pushy and disrespectful, there are lots of people out there like that. It is not really the girls fault. Around here lots of times people come and join a table if they know one of the people well. I guess being rude is a Yooper thing. Up here letting someone you or the old lady know sit at your table is called polite. I guess maybe it is not that way in other parts of the country. I noticed that when I traveled around, people are not really that friendly.

I’ve got 10 years, I still go to meetings but find most people there boring self centered dick (guess that’s an alcoholic for ya) but the worst is the people who recovery is there whole life, retired ones are the pits!!

Maybe try dating girls that never did that stuff, and don't tell them you did either

I second the different girls part, but lying about your past is pretty #ty...


a reply to: visitedbythem

originally posted by: Medusa18
I second the different girls part, but lying about your past is pretty #ty...


a reply to: visitedbythem

No one said anything about lying. You feel the need to tell everybody every part of your life? Think she is going to tell you every detail of her life> Just don't bring it up, and if it does come up, tell her you left it in the past, and you are a changed person. How about that?

What do you mean that you blocked her??

She was inconsiderate to you when she asked the guy to sit down. But maybe she didn't consider what you all were doing as a "date." If she didn't think you two were on a date, then she was still inconsiderate but it's excuseable. If she did think you were on a date, she was definitely inconsiderate and maybe even rude to you, but she may just be kind of dumb, or socially inept.

Either way. it does seem like you reacted in a childish way. And on top of it, you're judging others in recovery and being a bit arrogant. Everyone deals with recovery a little differently, and I think it's pretty lame of you to judge those two on talking about their pasts. Some people need that at certain times in their recovery.

I understand that what she did was hurtful to you and you perceived the guy as a threat to your date. The ironic thing is that because of the way you reacted, you made your fear come true.

a reply to: penroc3

If that was your worst, then consider yourself lucky.

It gets much worse than that bro.

originally posted by: visitedbythem
Maybe try dating girls that never did that stuff, and don't tell them you did either

A sound plan for sure.

a reply to: KansasGirl

i dated this girl and was engaged to her for 5 years and we haven't spoken in a few months.

she called it a date, and she asked me out.


im very tolerant of different paths and people being at a different point in said path(s), i don't care that the dude sat there for a min and spoke to a friend about whatever but maybe its just me at but at DINNER i don't want to hear about them narcaning someone at a trap house and how many needles they picked up and they hookers they spoke to.

TIME AND PLACE.

me and the girl were having a serious conversation about the rest of our life and her moving back in with me so to switch to AA/recovery cult-isms and a million pats on the back i wanted to finish our serious and PRIVATE conversation.

i excused myself and gave my longtime partner the eye that she knew exactly what it ment and expecting him to be gone or leaving when i got back as he had been there for over 10mins

like a few people already said, i lived in HELL for years and i don't deny my past and openly speak about it but i want t live a normal life and let dead dogs lie besides having manners and knowing how to act at a hipster/fancy restaurant is pretty basic 'being human' stuff.


childish,hmmm maybe but i just won't be disrespected. by any one, period.

it was rude all around and im sure i hold some of that guilt but i this isn't some random date...

they wanted to catch up and talk about drugs, and i didn't and he was obviously staying.




would you let someone disrespect you? and this was just pure disrespect and thats why im mad and sad and disappointed.



but going back to living my best life everyday, i'm going to be a little down but tomorrow is a new day and i'm glad i saw this and didnt waste a few more years of my life. it was just a reminder about how awful she could be, that being said she can be amazing and perfect hence being down a bit.

childish


wta: on my phone i blocked her, but like i said i left it unblocked until i got home just incase and she was at a restaurant with an apparent friend. the blocking is symbolic as she can easily email or facebook me.

damn im getting more and more childish

originally posted by: infolurker

originally posted by: visitedbythem
Maybe try dating girls that never did that stuff, and don't tell them you did either

A sound plan for sure.

Thank you!


Let me add one other thing. Great job on your recovery Penroc!
Keep up the good work. You can do this! I know its something you probably don't like to discuss, but that's a very tough thing to kick, from what Ive heard. We are very proud of you here. If this date fell apart, or caused you major discomfort, she may not be the right one for you. Keep up your search!

I do almost wonder if she came over later to apologize, and talk about what happened and why. Just be open and honest if she does. You have your whole new life ahead of you now, and you don't need it bogged down with bad feelings. Be forgiving.

Oh noes your coffee turned into a poop latte.

Try flying flhalf way across the plant for over 13 hours to a brand new country, be detained by neanderthals who think your sneaking in to work off the books, sent back for another 13 hour flight, only to watch her shag someone else within 3 months for you not trying hard enough.

That's a bad date, man.. not a poop latte.

... Happily married now she is.. yay for biker dating websites. Boo for scuba Steve.

And wait, there's more. No one knew I drank till they saw me sober. So no one knows I am drunk right now LOLOL

:/

a reply to: penroc3

Sorry it went badly for you but It sounds like you and this girl are in different places both on a relationship and in your recovery levels.

Maybe just support each other as friends or just move on. Communication is the key to any relationship so you need to tell her how you feel.


Good luck! 😜👍

So you found out that she really isn't interested in getting back together and that hurts. She was rude. Now you can close the book on that relationship and move forward.

As others have stated so eloquently, you probably need to find a lady not in recovery at this point in your life.

It sounds very healthy that your recovery does not envelop you.

As you said, tomorrow is a new day. It appears you just jumped into the next epoch of your life. Congrads.

a reply to: penroc3

i dated this girl and was engaged to her for 5 years and we haven't spoken in a few months.

I don't know how long you've been in recovery, but if the two of you were doing drugs together during this 5 year period, you may want to count your lucky stars that things didn't work out. While I completely understand the want/need to date someone you have something in common with and who knows what you've been through, two addicts (even if they're former addicts) is not a good relationship recipe.

originally posted by: Atsbhct
You blocked her? Like with a physical block?!

We can dream. Hopefully it was a full out stuff-the-fullback-rush style block or a hockey-cross-check to the face type block. Either or works for me.

a reply to: penroc3

Your biggest mistake was to go back over old ground in the fact you seen a girl from that particular past of your darker side of life.

You seem to be in full remission at face value anyway so keep moving forward - never look back for anyone.

You have done the right thing blocking - make sure it's permanent.

No sympathy - hope you learnt something.

a reply to: penroc3
part of having an addictive personality are impulse control, lack of proper social cues/skills,,....things like that.

Or so I've been told