DARPA rolls out Top Secret "Verdant Blade" program

Your Government dollars at work.

Top Secret new $32 billion (yes, "billion") dollar program develops grass which yells at you for walking on it. Unbelievable! What will they think up next???

ARLINGTON, Va.—The builder for a revolutionary Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) contract announced Monday that it has successfully produced a new type of fully autonomous grass that yells at anyone who walks on it.

“The Autonomous Shouting Sod System is the result of six years of research and development,” announced Darrel Hoffstetter, president of Northrop Grumman’s Autonomous Systems division, in a statement to the press Monday afternoon. “We’re confident this innovation will improve order and discipline across the military.”

....

Verdant Blade

"Get off my Lawn!"....takes on a whole new meaning.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

People will step on it just to hear it scream.

This will be the most walked on grass in the history of landscaping.

You want people to stay off the grass?

Jesus Christ, you're the military, you've had landmines for 100 years.

a reply to: abe froman

I stand corrected.

originally posted by: Flyingclaydisk
a reply to: abe froman

I stand corrected.

But on the grass?

a reply to: chr0naut

I ain't standin' on that grass!

They probably use depleted uranium to water the stuff.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

Couldn't DARPA have made the grass explode like a mine rather than lamely just yell "Get off my lawn".


I want my 2 Billion in Dark projects back if they can't do that.

GRAY PRIDE!

We're tired, we're old, stay off our damn grass...

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

Apparently the smell of freshly cut grass is a distress call, I don't want to hear my lawn screaming in agony.

'oh God please make it stop! Please take me, just don't hurt my children aaarrggh!!!'

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

“We’re confident this innovation will improve order and discipline across the military.”

They may not be telling the whole story. They left out the part about the AI sentry that hears the yell as data. Any dumb grass could yell. Smart grass sends out data in it's yell.

Or maybe it's really money to build tic-tacs.

But it looks like a joke website