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Little joke I'm working on - need opinions

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posted on Jun, 22 2019 @ 04:56 PM
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IDK if this is considered a joke or skit. It's part of something bigger I'm working on. Some people will probably get it right away, others not and some might be offended - but those who are offended, this might be directed at you and a general stereotype (earned or unearned - MANY who it is targeted at don't fit this stereotype and we all know that, so take it easy).

I'm not sure how I want to end the joke, I've come up with 4 endings/punch lines, IDK which one works better. Then there is the "finale" which goes with all endings. Let me know what you think of this or if it needs more work, which ending is better, etc.


An off duty cop is at a bar and asks the bartender for a Sex on the Beach with "double the tequila". Confused, the bartender says "there's no tequila in a SOTB, it's vodka". The cop scoffs and shakes his head and says "well if that's how you make them you've been doing it wrong. Do I need to make it?"
Bartender: "Well what do you think it is?"
Cop: "In this order add: highball with ice, 2 shots of Tequila, a splash of cream, splash of olive juice, orange juice, tomato juice a and a lime wedge."
Bartender: "WHAT? That's definitely not right, that sounds terrible!"
Cop: "I've been drinking these for over 25 years and I bartended in college. Believe me, that's how it's made"
Bartender: "Is that what you really want?"
Cop: "YEAH! That's what I ordered wasn't it?"
(Bartender is now totally confused but decides to make the requested drink)
Bartender, thinking WTF is going on and that he is being pranked/Punk'd, pours the drink and slides it over. The cop squeezes the lime, stirs the drink & takes a big gulp.


**ending 1
Cop: He suppresses an intense gag reflex but slams the drink down and says: "This is horrible, there's too god damn much orange juice in this!" He gets up to leave and says "And you call yourself a bartender.."

**ending 2
Cop: He tries to suppresses an intense gag reflex and slams the drink down and says "you were right, I was wrong", thanks the bartender and leaves.

**ending 3
cop: "This is horrible, where the hell did you learn to bartend?" and gets up and walks out the door.

**ending 4
cop: "I was right, I should have gone back there and made this!" he gets up & leaves


Finale - Bartender rings the bell hanging wall and announces that they have a new drink - it's called "the pigs trough" and all cops get doubles at 1/2 price!




posted on Jun, 22 2019 @ 06:10 PM
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a reply to: DigginFoTroof

That actually isn’t bad. I honestly laughed to my self.
A pigs trough lol.
Maybe it would be considered a dad joke, but hey, I’m a dad.
I vote for Ending 1



posted on Jun, 22 2019 @ 06:55 PM
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originally posted by: Macenroe82
a reply to: DigginFoTroof

That actually isn’t bad. I honestly laughed to my self.
A pigs trough lol.
Maybe it would be considered a dad joke, but hey, I’m a dad.
I vote for Ending 1


Thanks. IDK if you got the meaning I was trying to convey in the 4 endings. The stereotype that some cops have is that they are always right and never wrong - or at least some act that way at times. Oh and sometimes they are rude and don't thank people and boss them around - which him thanking him for the bad drink after admitting he was wrong & the tender right - IS THE JOKE. It really could be a lot of people TBH.

So #2 was a big knock at that b/c it was would be the punchline and then the finale woudl be the second character's punchline.



posted on Jun, 22 2019 @ 07:49 PM
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a reply to: DigginFoTroof

Or... keep pigs trough as the punchline.
Have the cop/gag reflex bit, have him say “ you were right “ walks out...
Bartender calls it the pigs trough.

I’d say in general your audience will get that, before the cops think their always right part.
That is, assuming it’s just a random audience.



posted on Jun, 22 2019 @ 08:16 PM
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originally posted by: Macenroe82
a reply to: DigginFoTroof

Or... keep pigs trough as the punchline.
Have the cop/gag reflex bit, have him say “ you were right “ walks out...
Bartender calls it the pigs trough.

I’d say in general your audience will get that, before the cops think their always right part.
That is, assuming it’s just a random audience.


Thanks again. My plan is for before this happens that the cop is going to have the reputation of never admitting being wrong, especially when others tell him the correct thing - he just can't admit someone else knew more. So at this point all of these behaviors would be funny in their own right.

The bar tender has a sordid history with police abuse (think being scrawny "hippy" in the 70's even though he wasn't a hippy). Cops always pushed him around and he's been a magnet for the last 40+ years - even though he's always been 100% law abiding except for occasional speeding. So this "pigs trough" reflects his recent run in and life time experience. The pigs trough - b/c a cop ordered it (tender knew he was a cop) and b/c it was like mixing slop into a glass and serving it..

I was trying to mix generalized stereotypes with something funny, that the cop wouldn't have even known what he did was funny. The cop thinks he's still the man and wasn't wrong to begin with.

#2 - "you were right, I was wrong", thanks the bartender and leaves. is basically a joke in it'self b/c this guy WOULD NEVER do this. Never admit wrong, never admit other is right and most likely not thank someone for the horrible drink even though it was his fault he made it that way. This character would actually think the bartender was just stupid and a terrible bartender and messed up the cops directions - no way he could have screwed up the recipe - so he would have angrily stormed out while glaring at the tender muttering under his breath. THAT is the character I'm developing for something.


BTW, do you know what a Sex on the Beach really has in it? IT's a really good fruity based drink. I was trying to figure out the grosses drink I could think of when i typed that, but it would look somewhat similar with the colors. The part where he says "Too much Orange Juice" is funny b/c that would be the VERY least of the problems!

Vodka
Peach Scnapps
Orange Juice
Cranberry Juice
Marischino cherry and orange slice

Added to taste if you want:
a bit of Chambord (black raspberry liquer - similar to schnapps but a little higher proof IIRC)
a little pineapple juice
a little lemon juice
splash of sugar syrup
splash of grenadine



edit on 6 22 2019 by DigginFoTroof because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 22 2019 @ 08:48 PM
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I like the first ending, but perhaps switch the order of the words to "too much goddamn orange juice" rather "too goddamn much orange juice". They are both correct, but it is a matter of construction when you have to deliver it verbally. It's funny, I like it.



posted on Jun, 23 2019 @ 11:13 PM
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originally posted by: MisterMcKill
I like the first ending, but perhaps switch the order of the words to "too much goddamn orange juice" rather "too goddamn much orange juice". They are both correct, but it is a matter of construction when you have to deliver it verbally. It's funny, I like it.


Thank you, that's a very good point about the order, I'd do it if I could edit it, but I'll take note. IDK if you read the replies under the OP but this would/will be even funnier if you knew the characters & background I was intending for the cop & bartender - but that gets too much to convey in a post.

I was more concerned that people would get offended with the troupe that "cops think they are always right and never admit they are wrong" but as we know, there are always some that are like this, and my character here fit's it to a "T".



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