Miscarriage. What do you do? (if there is such a thing)

a reply to: XXXN3O

A human life died. It can be very hard to deal with. I would suggest that avoiding it will likely not be healthy. Others who have suggested you cheer the loss is also probably not the best idea. I would suggest grieving the loss so you can move on.

a reply to: XXXN3O

Miscarriages are fairly common and not unusual. They can be hard emotionally though as you kind of go from the joy of being a parent to massive disappointment.

My wife had like six miscarriages before we managed to have a successful pregnancy. It can be extremely frustrating. To be honest, we had given up on having kids. It was only after we said "screw it" and accepted being childless that we managed to have a successful pregnancy.

Generally, you aren't out of the woods until about 3 mos or so with a pregnancy. A lot of women don't mention it to anyone because the odds of miscarriage are kind of high until that point.

a reply to: XXXN3O

I miscarried twins. I was devastated at the time, but in hindsight it worked out for the best.

After it happened to me many many, soo many women came and told me it happened to them too.
I was shocked how common it is.

I think part of the problem with miscarriages is similar to mental illness.
People do not understand it and behave weird and in general don't talk about it enough.
After I miscarried I actually had relatives ask what I did, as if I caused it! I even had some people "brag" that it never happened to them. Those are the kinds of things that hurt the worst. If you could shield your partner from stuff like that, i'm sure it would really help.

It speaks volumes that you came on here for advice, and shows how much you care.
I'm proof that time heals all. I rarely think about that miscarriage anymore and there isn't one bit of sting left from it. I had beautiful healthy children after, and that is all that matters.

My wife and I went through a miscarriage last year. It wasn't great. But statistics gave us the cold comfort needed to get through. Most fertilized eggs don't even attach to the uteran wall and over a third that do are miscarried within the initial weeks before a woman even knows she's pregnant. Ours was at 12 weeks.

It's ok to be sad though. I know I was. Then I stood up straight and put a smile on my face and tried to make my wife laugh as much as possible. We're gonna try again this summer.

originally posted by: JAGStorm
a reply to: XXXN3O

I miscarried twins. I was devastated at the time, but in hindsight it worked out for the best.

After it happened to me many many, soo many women came and told me it happened to them too.
I was shocked how common it is.

I think part of the problem with miscarriages is similar to mental illness.
People do not understand it and behave weird and in general don't talk about it enough.
After I miscarried I actually had relatives ask what I did, as if I caused it! I even had some people "brag" that it never happened to them. Those are the kinds of things that hurt the worst. If you could shield your partner from stuff like that, i'm sure it would really help.

It speaks volumes that you came on here for advice, and shows how much you care.
I'm proof that time heals all. I rarely think about that miscarriage anymore and there isn't one bit of sting left from it. I had beautiful healthy children after, and that is all that matters.

My daughter was a twin. One miscarried and she was born.

a reply to: XXXN3O

I've got to echo what another member said, about her hormones. Pregnancy hormones are NO JOKE and they will be in her system for a bit yet, so be compassionate. Even if you think she is being nutty, keep your trap shut and support her. Just the hormones alone can put her into a weord place, and she's got no control of that.

Couple that with the primal need for a woman to carry a child, and she's gonna be a little weird for a bit. Even if she wasn't aware she was pregnant, and you all weren't planning on it, NOW she knows and I can tell you from experience that when you discover you are or were pregnant, some very deep instincts get activated. It feels like a loss, and it's really strong. Had a similar situation, and I was surprised at how sad and empty I felt. It's deep.

So, don't feel like you're a jerk or doing something wrong if your feelings don't match or resemble hers. But, let her grieve and let her talk about it as much as she needs to, and don't minimalize it. She will get back to normal pretty soon, but you don't want her forming a resentment of you in the meantime because you thought it was "no big deal."

And obviously you are wanting to support her, since you're asking here. So, good job, she must be a lucky lady to have such a sensitive partner!

Rather than reply to all individually. Just wanted to acknowledge after reading and say a thank you for all the replies as a whole.

I realise that we are not in the worst situation as a couple and that this is a personal thing from what's been said.

I wrote this as a kinda get it off your chest and it's done that for me whilst letting me take on board the differing views.

Thanks

We will be alright, we have had some good chats sitting down with some walks and talks etc too and taking it slow.