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my mom and i got in a fight

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posted on Apr, 13 2019 @ 04:05 PM
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I am 34 years old and have had my share of ups and downs in life and i am coming back from a super abusive relationship with a woman that cost me my house, car, money, friends and almost my sanity. I have certain addiction issues that after the break up flared but got it back under control(thank god) and have been clean for a good while.

this woman had a child and they moved into the house i was renting, i let them stay and i moved out as to not create to many waves for the kid(9 at the time).

i moved into my moms house at her request to help me get back on track, i have recently started looking for a new place and being more independent emotionally.

this weekend my mom and i were to go look at these cool white deer we have around here, they are white(albino) because a good amount of deer got trapped inside a fenced in decommissioned air base.

i honestly misunderstood her and thought we were going tomorrow, i laid out my stuff i wanted to wear and made sure i was free all weekend.

at 2:30 she calls my name and tell me that we have to go, and i said "you said we were going tomorrow" and she BLOWS up at me and i tell her to stop yelling and belittling me.

i went downstairs to get ready and she came downstairs and basically told me to stay home.

she called me from the car and continued yelling at me and telling me its all my fault and i never pay attention etc.

after being in a really bad abusive relationship i don't really respond well to getting yelled at and spoken down to and kind of just shut down, i don't yell or anything, i asked her to stop speaking to me the way she was but she kept on yelling at me for over 10 mins.

i apologised and tried to tell her i just misunderstood and i wanted an apology and if she had just spoke to me like an adult none of this would have happened.

i hung up on her after at least 10 mins of her yelling at me on the phone, partly to stop it from spirling and partly because i was mad/upset.

i know i didnt do anything wrong but i still feel guilty.


/rant


i just needed to vent and figured this was a good place to do so




posted on Apr, 13 2019 @ 04:40 PM
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Good rant.
Won't offer any advice or insight...unless it's asked for.



posted on Apr, 13 2019 @ 04:46 PM
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a reply to: IAMTAT

fire away



posted on Apr, 13 2019 @ 04:46 PM
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Hang in there, penroc, don't let this set you back. This will even out I'm betting.
Ma was probably having a rough day and really looking forward to hanging out and some albino deer therapy.

Good place to blow off steam here so good thinking.



posted on Apr, 13 2019 @ 04:48 PM
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a reply to: penroc3

Sorry to hear about your break up with an abusive woman and that you are having a bad day with your Mom. I wish you better days ahead penroc3.



posted on Apr, 13 2019 @ 04:58 PM
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a reply to: penroc3

You know, it is not you! We all have had these very stupid arguments and hurt feelings with Friends or Family sometime or another! It is all so little unimportant and pointless when it is about some little thing we forgot or someone's feelings were hurt. We hurt!
I always tell myself "this too shall pass" and it does. It will be forgiven, forgotten and it will be ok, just a matter of time.

Clearly if you a 38 yr old was going to go do something so nice and simple with your Mom, you love one another.
People don't go look at deer with someone they don't love


Moms are not around forever so even though you tried to be the peacemaker, try to keep that peacemaking frame of mind. It sounds like she was there for you, having you come home when you needed a place to go so she is not a witch just maybe like others said just one or both or having a bad day.



posted on Apr, 13 2019 @ 05:01 PM
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You are 34 years old. You are living with your mother. Leave.



posted on Apr, 13 2019 @ 05:06 PM
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originally posted by: penroc3
a reply to: IAMTAT

fire away



Simple.

Mom was upset...because every single day...she worries you're back on the s#!t.

I see this fear-turn-to-anger every day, as my wife's son has been clean for many months now...but any missed call or odd tone in his voice...makes her fear and anxiety kick back in.


Years of worry over losing him to his addiction, has conditioned her to be suspicious and fearful of any unexpected change in his behavior.


Sorry, but you asked.



posted on Apr, 13 2019 @ 05:19 PM
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a reply to: The GUT

i wish she told me that she wanted to spend time with me.


i was looking forward to it very much, the deer and hanging out with my mom.


why whole life i have always been very very bad at keeping appointments or other important dates, for birthdays i rely one my family or close holidays to use as a bookmark to remind me of the birthday.

she think i did it on purpose and just didn't listen. I have battled ADD my whole life and i think it plays a part at my bad date management.

everyone who knows me, knows i have issues keep appointments.

my family watched me suffer an awful relationship where i was constantly spoke down to, yelled at, disrespected etc. my mom especially so.

my whole life my mom has always kind of spoken down to me or when i was very young(8-9 years old) SCREAM at me when my sister and i didnt get moving in the morning, or when i was in HS i got okay grades and what not but they were never good enough and told me i would end up working at a gas station. my dad was there when she said that to me and he said "what difference what he does as long as he's happy."

i am the oldest and definitely the black sheep of my family and even more so when compaired to my 2 sister and brother(brother and sister are half siblings), my full sister is my moms crown jewel and can do no wrong. My mom definitely considers my sister her favorite, i have never seen them get into a serious argument but my mom with say really nasty things to me or use my emotional soft spots against me.

the plan was to go see the deer and go to the outlet mall to get me some new stuff, i love getting new clothes and shopping in general so it would be crazy for me to not want to go. i said as much to her but no matter what i said i very didnt listen to her or blew her off.

like i said i have had some chemical dependency issues due initially to being Rx'ed massive amounts of painkillers and benzodiazepines(xanax or klonopin), and in active addiction people arent the best to be around. I have always been rebellious, for example my 2nd year of highschool she kicked me out and i lived with my GF's family for over a year and my senior year she kicked me out to my dads because she found a girl in my room and admitted to smoking pot during the summer.

i haven't lived with my mom after i was 19, and granted i shouldn't have had girls sneaking in my room or smoke pot at 16 years old but i know she would never have done that to my sister. during HS she would use money as a way to apologize to my sister and i and generally didnt have the most stable mother/son relationship.

starting in middle school she would always call me my dads name as very nasty attack, i saw my mom and dad fight and knew her absolute distance for my dad. by doing that she implied i was a bad person and that she hated me and would even tell me that from time to time(hating me)

i just cant take being spoken to and yelled at for very minor infractions, granted im obviously not the perfect son. i always had a hard time standing up for myself with her.



night star: thank you and i know things well be better but it still hurts.



posted on Apr, 13 2019 @ 05:33 PM
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a reply to: schuyler

im looking for a new place and have been for a few weeks, up until recently i was paying all the bills and rent for a house i didn't live in so i couldnt afford to move out. if i could move out today i would love to do so.

the relationship with my last GF really messed me up emotionally and to cope i picked up my vice as a way to cope.

IMATAT: i know i have caused her and the rest of my family life times of worry and fear of losing me to my addiction, but for the past few months i get tested 1-2 times a week at a program i got myself into and they are all 100% clean. That being said i have done a 180 with my whole outlook and attitude towards life. when people who haven't seen me in a while they always tell me that i look great and seem happy but i feel like i will be punished or judged because my various mental health issues(ADD and PTSD) for the rest of my life no matter how well i am doing.

my PTSD really really messed my psyche up and I self medicated and after the doctor stop Rx'ing me oxy's i went to diacetylmorphine. The PTSD came from me getting stabbed a few times by someone that was trying to kill me, so many people say they have PTSD(outside the military). my anxiety of being attacked again at its worst kept me from going outside my house, being in a public space(like the mall or whatever) and generally made me into a hermit.



posted on Apr, 13 2019 @ 05:51 PM
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a reply to: penroc3


It's great you're staying clean and doing so well. You have every right to be proud of your progress.

Your mom is proud you're doing so well too...but I'm sure there have been disappointments in the past...so just be aware that, while she is happy you're doing well now, she fears your progress could go south at any time.
So she is always afraid, suspicious and on guard.

In spite of your past battles with your mom...trust she loves you with all her heart.

The opposite of love is not anger...it is indifference.
Put another way, if she didn't love you...she wouldn't be upset with you; she wouldn't give a damn if you forgot a date to get together.

Keep up the great work, P....and cut mom a little slack.
Addiction affects the entire family...and it's very hard on a parent to have a child they love, battling with it.
edit on 13-4-2019 by IAMTAT because: (no reason given)

edit on 13-4-2019 by IAMTAT because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 13 2019 @ 05:56 PM
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a reply to: penroc3

I am sorry you are having a difficult time in your life right now. The only advice I have is:
This too shall pass.

I think you and your Mom will be fine. However, move out as soon as you can. I love my parents but, I could not move in with them- kind of a lovable black sheep myself.




posted on Apr, 13 2019 @ 06:13 PM
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a reply to: penroc3

You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and are trying your best. Kudos!




posted on Apr, 13 2019 @ 06:26 PM
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Hey Pen,

I’d think your moms just worried that your getting back into the junk.
If your past addiction cause pain/hurt/distrust, it’s reasonable for her to be worried about you.
Maybe talk with her once she settles down and reassure her you are clean.

Perhaps she treated you differently that your sister when you were younger because she has higher hopes for you?
Without knowing the entire situation, that’s the best advice I got.

I hope things work out for you and you can get back on your feet sooner than later.



posted on Apr, 13 2019 @ 06:38 PM
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I don't mean this as a joke at all- is she going through menopause? My mom became a PSYCHO when she went through it. My parents were older when they had us, so she was going through it while I was still at home (high school). If that's the case, just avoid her for about 5 years and then she will even out.



posted on Apr, 13 2019 @ 06:53 PM
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a reply to: penroc3




my whole life my mom has always kind of spoken down to me or when i was very young(8-9 years old) SCREAM at me when my sister and i didnt get moving in the morning

Sounds like most Moms,



posted on Apr, 13 2019 @ 08:13 PM
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Without reading all of the replies, my gut reaction is that you accept abuse because you grew up with it. Did your mom yell and scream a lot when you were younger too?


If you value your relationship with your mother, you need to move out. This sort of thing will not improve over time, it will only deteriorate.



posted on Apr, 13 2019 @ 08:16 PM
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a reply to: SeaWorthy

That is really sad. My mother was nothing like that, she always just talked to me like I was a normal person, even when I was very young. I have done the same with my boys.



posted on Apr, 13 2019 @ 09:49 PM
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I read a lot of "me, me, me" in your OP.

Just remember one thing...

One day, if you're lucky enough, you will get to hold Mom's hand and kiss her on the forehead as the life leaves her body.

Suddenly, "Me" doesn't mean so much anymore.

Just saying.

P.S. (my) Mom passed away on Christmas Eve 2017 at 7:29pm. ... So, I don't even have the honor of worrying about whether she's mad or not. I don't get to go see the white deer with her, even if I wanted to, even if I was late. She's gone forever.



posted on Apr, 13 2019 @ 10:07 PM
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originally posted by: MaMaa
a reply to: SeaWorthy

That is really sad. My mother was nothing like that, she always just talked to me like I was a normal person, even when I was very young. I have done the same with my boys.


Lucky for you but then again I think most mothers are stressed and often in a hurry so yes they yell at the kids sometimes.
It does not equate that Mom yelling at the kids is abuse in my book, i always felt loved.
edit on 13-4-2019 by SeaWorthy because: (no reason given)




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