To be honest, I was hesitant on posting this thread. I find that some people react weirdly when someone mentions they had experienced a paranormal
incident...especially one that involves God.
I'm a former Catholic, having gone to a Catholic elementary and middle school, as well as a Jesuit all boy high school. On my senior year, in 1979, my
theology class was taught by Rev. William J. O'Malley, who played the part of Father Dyer in The Exorcist, as well as being the technical advisor for
the film. I still chuckle to myself, when I remember him telling me, how he wouldn't be surprised if I became a priest, after reading my theological
journal. No such luck, Father.
I stopped attending church in the mid 80's, way before the news on priest sexual abuse made the new's headlines. At the time, I thought it was very
hypocritical for the Catholic Church to tell their parishioners to give to the poor, while Vatican City was immersed in opulence. The fact that the
Catholic Church was one of the wealthiest institutions on this planet, seemed hypocritical to me, especially after what Jesus said concerning the rich
entering Heaven. When the news finally broke, about the abhorrent sexual abuse committed by priests, after decades of silence from the Church, I was
convinced I made the right move.
Even though I don't attend church, I am still very spiritual and often converse with God. I like the word "converse" better than the word "prayer,"
because that is what I feel like I'm doing, when I talk to God about my problems. I never kneel, or pray in front of a crucifix...I just talk about my
feelings when I'm in bed. My conversations with God is heartfelt, because deep down, I feel like I've disappointed Him over the years.
Last night, I was up late, as usual, because I've been having issues with insomnia due to finally weaning myself off Paxil, which I finally stopped
taking, about ten days ago. It was getting close to 3 AM, when I thought I was tired enough to go to bed. My wife usually goes to bed at 10 PM and
gets up for work at 5 AM, so I sneaked into our bedroom and laid beside her. As I feared, I was wide awake and couldn't for the life of me get
comfortable enough to doze off.
I then began to talk to God. I remember talking about the withdrawal side effects I was experiencing and then started to tell Him how sorry I was for
disappointing Him over the years. I apologized for my mood swings directed at my wife and kids, my lack of patience, my anger issues, as well as me
being very judgmental sometimes towards people. I basically told Him that I could've been a better husband, father and friend to those who I've met
over the years and felt ashamed of continually letting Him down. While asking for forgiveness, tears began to flow and I mentioned that I felt
unworthy of His forgiveness. I should mention here, that I always struggled with self loathing because of my childhood, which probably resulted in the
bouts of anxiety and depression I experienced as an adult.
I remember silently bawling, as I glanced at the alarm clock, when my wife suddenly got up to go to the bathroom. It was 3:30 AM and as I wiped the
tears from my eyes, I started to smell the fragrance of roses. There I lay, unshowered for 2 days, wearing my workout clothes from several nights back
and wondered what the heck I was smelling. My wife returned to bed and I remember leaning over to her side, sniffing the air above her head and
pillow, to see if the fragrance was emanating form her, but it wasn't. The fragrance was only on my side of the bed and it certainly wasn't coming
from my clothes or body.
I decided, soon after my wife returned to bed, to get up and go into our family room to lie down on the couch. As I descended the stairs, the smell
lingered, as if it was following me. I laid on the couch, threw a comforter over me and began to sniff the air once again. This time the scent of
roses was starting to dissipate and soon disappeared after several minutes.
This weird experience never happened to me before. From my religious background, I thought the scent of roses could be a sign of God's presence, or
perhaps, a sign that an angel may be communicating with me. Was this God's way of telling me he heard my prayer? Has anyone experienced this before?
Whatever I experienced, I feel very blessed and realize that God loves each and every one of us, especially when we're in despair.
edit on 3/27/2019 by shawmanfromny because: (no reason given)