Confused and Unsure

Hi All

I Dont Post at all but have been deep in thoughts about a current relationship issue and figured any advice might be a possible insight

So the story goes like this....


I have recently broke up with my partner due to constant fighting and moved out
Now i have 2 young boys with her and have been with her for 7 yrs. I also have taken her other 3 kids on as a father role. I have built quite a bond with the other siblings. They had sister who had epilepsy and passed away 4yrs prior at the age of 11 so we have all been through some heavy $#%* and supported each other so we are really close

so here i am sitting in my new home wondering whether i want to get back with her or finish our relationship?!?
Part of me does want to but part of me doesnt
it hurts to see her so upset as she isnt taking it well herself but im really unsure what to do
It feels as if ive grown apart from her due to the fighting.
it is like a negative feeling from her when i was there but there was also a positive family feeling as confusing as that sounds

sorry for such the long rant but i need some advice or opinions from people to hopefully change a perspective of sort
thanks all

Relationships take hard work
Go see a relationship counsellor, get some help

Work on your issues
But I guess at this stage you have to decide if the relationship is worth working on first before putting the effort into

Relationship,with the children will never be the same

Hello Ultimategamer82,

my first observation after I have read your post:

You make it sound like it is solely your decision but at the same time you write that you get negative feelings from her.

Ask yourself why you have been fighting so much lately. In the end, if you do not feel it in your heart that you love her and she does not in hers, maybe it is better to break up for good.

But that is just the advice from a stranger on the internet, you should listen to your heart, not us. I hope I could bring some perspective into it.

Wish you the best.

Been in that similar situation a couple of times myself, it's a tough call but if he still want to make it work let her know. I was with my ex 8 years when we first split up, then got back together after being apart for almost 2 years then quit for good 2 years later. The first break up was fairly quick, and it just snowballed but always wished we hadn't have done that it effected the kids and me greatly. Even when we got back together the skepticism was there because the initial break up was to sudden.

So if at all you can stop it and work on your relationship, I'd give it a shot as long as you have a willing partner, you should be able to tell if there is a chance or not. Or in the very least know soon thereafter is there is no improvement. For me even though I'm happy I still think of them and wonder what if.

a reply to: Ultimategamer82

You need to see a marriage/ relationship counselor.

Remember why you two got together in the first place and re-ignite that feeling it used to be.

It sounds like you were the father to those kids.
So im sure they miss you.

Work on things. You can do it.

a reply to: Ultimategamer82

To quote norm Peterson from cheers "women, can't live with them... pass the beer nuts."

If you want to make it work, sit down with her and discuss your issues, if you can settle your differences and reconcile then great-if not maybe it's time to move on.

Trust your instincts I guess, I should've done the same when I shacked up with a model, got her pregnant, she had an abortion-didnt tell me-so if things don't work out the kids will keep you close.

If I were you I'd take a shot, it beats being alone.

a reply to: Ultimategamer82

My heart goes out to you. I can hear the struggle in your words, but I can also feel the love. I think your relationship is worth the effort. If only for your own conscience, knowing you did your best, even if it doesn't work out in the end.

But I'll tell you a secret (as an old married woman...): It's not the good times that make a marriage. Nope. The good times are the gravy. It's getting through the hard times that make a marriage. It's saying, "Yeah, this sucks, but we're going to do this, and we're going to do it together, and we're going to be better and stronger when we come out the other side." It is the loyalty and commitment and devotion and honor and strength and LOVE for each other during the dark times that forges the unbreakable bonds, and which make the good times that much sweeter. Because you did walk through hell together and conquered your challenges.

And it is so much easier said than done. I know.

I'll leave you with that and let you decide -- as only you can -- how or if it fits into your situation. In any event, good luck and brightest blessings to you all.

Do whatever is best for all the children.

So many little lives involved that this is easy; even if it's not. For the sake of the chidren, and I really mean that, do try everything possible to work out issues with the mom. It doesn't sound like anything truly heinous in your relationship and every relationship needs commitment. You made that commitment when you took on her children and had two more in 7 short years. Walking out now will do much destruction to everyone involved. You owe it to all involved. Get the professional help you may need to get over the rough patches. Any relationship you may have in the future is going to have them and the reward in the future of family get togethers and grandchildren is so worth it. Hang in there.

a reply to: Ultimategamer82

I think your decision is one of the toughest to make. Especially when you are unsure about your true feelings.

I am personally not in the greatest position to be giving relationship advice, but I will say that communication is key.

Have you explained to her how you feel? In a calm collective way? I know for me, when I’m heated and in the moment, I don’t always listen to what is being said. I’m more focused on how I am going to respond.

A relationship doesn't have to make you happy.

It has to provide a safe and solid place to raise the children.

You both have children and it's the obligation of both of you to sort this out and stay together.

Get a therapist, both of you go, together and alone.

Move on !!!
Pay your child support.
Exercise your visitation rights on your kids.
Forget about hers.

The reason is it ain't going to get any better.
Counseling only works for a short time kind of like an Aspirin.
People are gonna revert back to their true nature.

Go find your true sole mate.
It's soooo nice to come home now and not wonder what the atmosphere is going to be like when I open the door.

They listened to the world and became like everyone else. In stead of working on it, they end it for good. Just the way of the world. They claimed to be different from everyone, but they became just like everyone.

a reply to: Ultimategamer82

Every relationship encounters many ups and downs, as well as many incredible wonderful moments. 7 Years and two kids later is a lot to "throw away" so easily. Especially since you have established a "father figure" for the other siblings and have built a family. Have you both tried speaking about the situation? Discussing the true issue at hand? What you guys can possibly both work on to make things better and long-lasting? Maybe therapy? I know some people may be reluctant to speaking to a therapist/"stranger" about personal matters, but you'd be surprised at how much a neutral third-party can help. It seems like the part of you that wants to "try" is stronger, or else you wouldn't have posted here (just my personal thought). You both need to really talk about it; know where you're both coming from and try to understand each other's perspectives. What is the underlying cause for all the fighting? Talking helps. But it's up to both of you to be completely honest with each other, if not for yourselves, then at least for the kids. You all deserve that much. Best of luck.