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originally posted by: Nyiah
originally posted by: putnam6
Sounds like you are in a situation where you need to take care of you and your boys and not worry about your husband till you find yourself happy with you. Then work on your relationship with your husband it will be easier than the multitasking you are trying to do now. First thing quit feeling sorry for yourself or the situation, you alone can make it better. If he goes or if he stays is irrelevant fix yourself baby steps....you can do it..
If she has any kind of determination to not be a divorce statistic, you got that advice way wrong -- her mental health first, the marriage second, kids last. You NEVER put anything except your own mental health above nurturing a marriage. That's the foundation of a family and if it's a shaky, crap foundation, doting on the kids til she's blue in the face won't make anything any better for them at all. It will however, be liable to spike resentment and hellish divorce odds.
It's no damn shocker that every single person I know who's divorced tried that backward route instead of nurturing the marital relationship. You don't fix a marriage or even the divorce relationship by ignoring that foundation relationship and focusing on the offspring, people. Even if they DO end up divorced, focusing on each other stands to make it a much more smooth and amicable one than anything.
The good news is if they can fnd common ground and work together on making fixes, it's entirely possible to relight that flame. I've seen people do it after messing up with the backward "kids first" route. You gotta be willing to shake the entrenched bad advice and take the sensible advice if you aren't truly ready to walk away.
Just my opinion as a kid of divorced parents each with their own multiple divorces, as my husband's second wife, and as a friend who got to watch too many people screw up before a handful had the light bulb go off. I've never put our kids before us in our 12+ year marriage/14+ year relationship. That helps no one.