Personal question...of preference

a reply to: Macenroe82

One time, when I was young, I had to take a #2 really bad. I could not make it home. So I pulled a beasty in the woods. Unbeknownst to me I wiped my butt with a handful of poison ivy leaves. I learned lot about nature from this experience.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

Now that is a classic!

a reply to: dfnj2015

OMFG!... I couldn't even imagine.

I had Poison ivy on my hands and legs one time and that was nuts.
I can't even fathom what that would feel like on the bare butt.

I have a beast of a bladder and good colon control. I much prefer the privacy of my home restroom. So I will put up silently with all manner of discomfort and quietly wait until I am back on home turf to do my business.

How good is my control? One New Year's Day, a good friend of ours hosted the "Day of Pain" Movie Marathon. We watched all three extended cuts of The Lord of the Rings trilogy back to back. We had some contests to make the day more fun. There was the "Spot the Peter Jackson Cameo" contest and the "Day of Pain Bladder Contest" which was basically who could hold out and not use the facilities the longest.

I won ... handily ... despite not being shy about drinking all day. Hurt though.

So, imagine the fun I had one day when I was at work and the snow started ... and began to pour down at rates exceeding an inch an hour. It was a lovely day heading into night and traffic was rapidly a holy mess. I didn't think very much ahead when I left work, and I left having to go. After all, it only takes me 30 or so minutes to get home ... that's easy peasy for someone with my tank of a bladder, right?

Uh ... no.

I got stuck in the mother of all weather related traffic jams. Minutes stretched into hours. Three and half hours to be precise, and I'm sitting in the cold very acutely aware that I NEED to go in more ways than one.

When I finally did get home, I'd unhooked my pants in order to let my bladder expand, and I went running past my poor husband who'd been beside himself with worry having expected me home hours ago. Just about ran him over.

But I made it.

Personally, I feel an extreme revulsion to sitting on public toilets. Even if it's completely spotless, I feel like I'm sitting in absolute filth. Needless to say, I'll only use one if there's no other option.
Well, let me tell you a story. When I was 17, we set out on a family trip. We'd be taking two planes across the country to spend some time in Las Vegas. We get to the airport and we're sitting there waiting for the time we board the first plane, when it hits me - the urge. Now, I knew I'd be either on a plane or in an airport for the majority of that day, so I had to make a choice... Do I try to hold out for as long as possible and probably end up being forced to crap on one of the horrid filthy airplane toilets, or do I suck it up and try to find a seemingly clean airport toilet and get it over with? Well, the choice seemed clear. I set out to the men's room and found a toilet that looked reasonably clean. I wiped it off as best I could, hoped for the best, and sat down. I eventually managed to do my business - and then it happened. The splash. But, you see, this was no ordinary splash, because that crap I just took was BIG. I mean BIG. I take some pretty enormous dumps sometimes. Now... You don't need to be a biology expert to know that certain bodily orifices don't instantaneously teleport shut after making way for something practically the girth of your arm. See, it would've been bad enough for the public airport toilet water to get all over my leg or something... But no. It went straight into the last place I wanted public airport toilet water to go.
I died inside.
I had to spend my entire Las Vegas trip paranoid that I had some kind of strange African parasitic worm slowly eating out my insides, because God knows who had been sitting on that toilet before me.

originally posted by: Macenroe82
I had Poison ivy on my hands and legs one time and that was nuts.
I can't even fathom what that would feel like on the bare butt.

Yeah, try getting it all over your nuts.
That happened. It was hell. I would've rather broken a leg or something.

a reply to: trollz

I don’t mean to laugh, but that was funny!

I hate having to use a public washroom myself.
But with my garbage guts, I swear, if I know I’m going to a store that doesn’t allow people to use the washroom, I preplan where I can go when the need arrives.

originally posted by: Flyingclaydisk
This frantic dude came running in and was pounding, literally POUNDING, on every stall door, screaming "GET OUT OF THERE, YOU NO GOOD #$%@#$@%#!#...I KNOW YOU'RE DONE IN THERE!! NOW GET OUT!!!! AAAAIIIEEEEEEEAAAGGGHHH!!!"

Sow seeds of chaos, reap entertainment and smug satisfaction. I've only rarely been in that type of situation, and it has always been with me in the driver's seat behind the locked door. Pounding and desperation from another human being I'm not related to always leads me to slow things down to a crawl and take my time... all in the direct intention and hopes of emerging from the stall to find that my delay caused another grown man to soil himself. That's power, my friend. Pure, raw, undeniable power the likes of which few in this world have the black heart and evil mind to wield. You can literally take a grown man, perhaps even a grown man who holds incredible authority in his career, office, or home and views himself as being an example of indefatigable dynamism and reduce him back to being a toddler who just shat himself and held zero control over the situation through no choice or fault of his own. It's right up there with Thanos and the Infinity Gauntlet.

Despite a deep, seething hatred of crowds and strangers, I have no issues with using a public toilet or the wilderness if I'm outside. I don't even bother with that dainty little butt doily thing they offer to artificially give the user some sort of false sense of sanitary conditions, as if a micron thick piece of tissue paper is going to block whatever buttcheek herpes the previous user had from getting to your ass... Life is far too short to spend any significant time in discomfort when there's an easy solution nearby.

a reply to: Macenroe82


Reading this thread, I laughed so hard I cried. Good stuff

I was in Hat Yai, Thailand one night (a lawless city just north of the northern border of Malaysia). It was a dangerous area, but we were there because it was such a crazy place (and I mean, CRAZY!!!). There were no rules in this place! It was the craziest city I ever set foot in, in SE Asia...hands down!

When in Rome, do as the Roman's do...was my thought. It had been my mantra for two years in SE Asia. ... I'll have the Tom Yom soup, please, just as HOT as you can make it!".

I made it about an hour, and then we were on the way back to the hotel (at least (2) 5th's later of Jack). I wasn't feeling so good...not good at all! I threw up...okay, no biggie. Then the gut started working on me.

The closer I got to the hotel room, the more I had to go! By the time I got my key into the door of my room, I had a nuclear reactor meltdown going on inside my gut. This was Chernobyl x12!!. I was baby-stepping across the room headed for the bathroom. My sphincter clenched so hard it could have cut pure diamonds!

Baby steps, one foot in front of the other...just hang on!!!

The sun rose early that day, and all the birds came out, and it was the most wonderful day in paradise imaginable! Flowers that never bloomed, but every 10 years, bloomed that day. Every single person on planet Earth was my friend, and I made sure to shake their hand to let them know how much I appreciated their existence. Birds came and sat on my balcony and sang wonderful songs, the whole thing was amazing!

I figure the pressure must have been around 700psi or so. It was incredible! I had promised to switch religions that night, and I'm a devout Buddhist to this day, or some kind of Shinto or something...I don't care! When you can feel an alien tryin to escape from your, uhhh, gut, and you can measure your heart rate in your ear drums...you too will adopt a family of spotted hyenas...if someone will give you the keys to the restroom!!

So now there's "Spot", and "Gut Eater", and three of "Gut Eater's" evil spawn. Customs sucked, but hey...a man will do anything to prevent that moment!!

a reply to: Macenroe82


Well then, I think you need this.

Going out driving with that morning coffee is a big no no for me!

Morning coffee gets my everything moving - that has to happen before I go anywhere and it never fails to empty me Thereafter I am usually good for the day.

a reply to: Macenroe82

I # myself laughing at this thread!

a reply to: Tundra

Well, by all means, please tell us the tale!

If it's number one then I take no issue with using a public restrooms, however, if it is number two then I detest sitting on public toilets and perhaps for not the reasons you may think.

Yes, they are often filthy yet more importantly I like to take off all my clothing for that particular function. I have a very difficult time otherwise. It's indeed a mental block, but nonetheless that is how it is.

There have been a few times when I have HAD to go either at work or in an airport and undress very quietly in the stall and handle my business.

Otherwise I wait until I get home 98% of the time.