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Yesterday had to put my Dog to sleep

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posted on Feb, 10 2019 @ 06:20 PM
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a reply to: Dwoodward85

After posting in your thread it got me thinking about why i do not have a dog now ,And i have decided to get one from a dog shelter as i am no spring chicken maybe give a old one a home who has lost their owner




posted on Feb, 11 2019 @ 02:55 AM
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a reply to: stonerwilliam

Awww, how sweet! That dog will be so grateful. You will be giving him or her a forever home. The last cat I adopted was 7 when we got him and he is now 10. I'm no youngster myself. LOL



posted on Feb, 11 2019 @ 11:58 AM
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a reply to: Night Star

It is not as easy as it sounds around here , they want to do a home visit etc which you can understand , but the place was actually prosecuted years ago for animal cruelty !
.

I phoned them 20+ years ago before i got my last Collie dog as they had nearly 20 in i was informed , it was like a grilling from the gestapo i had 2 acres of a garden lived in a street of millionaires have had dogs all my life who have reached old age happily and lived in the sticks next to a castle with hundreds of acres around of woods and grass and they still never got back to me ??? .

The pup i got from a neighbour who had a farm and a holiday home on my street never had a collar on him or needed one and traveled the country with me everywhere , well he was a working collie
even had his own viz vest and more than a few times workmates moaned my dog ate better than them at lunch time .

But i really need a dog to get me out more www.abovetopsecret.com... as i am on heart attack 6 now and need to move about more rather than have the care factor of 0 about life , giving a dog a home will stop me goading death so much smoking like a trooper and laughing at greens


Its not a case of me saving a dog its a case of a dog saving me



posted on Feb, 11 2019 @ 02:10 PM
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a reply to: stonerwilliam

I'm surprised I missed that thread of yours.

You and the dog can save each other.

Just make sure that there will be someone willing to take the dog in case anything bad ever happens. I wish you luck



posted on Feb, 13 2019 @ 06:24 PM
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a reply to: stonerwilliam

That's great. Sorry its taken me a few days to reply I've been going through some stuff not just over Midnight but an ear infection for like four weeks and ringing in my ear for half that time and was having moments of huge fear that the ringing will stick, stress of losing Midnight didn't help of course. But that is great. I think that is a great idea, I've never been able to do it myself because the moment I walk into a rescue place I know I'd want every bloody dog in the place old, young, sick or healthy I'd want to take them all home so I've never done that but I always cheer for those who can do it not only because another dog has a home but their final years could be great (the dogs not the person lol).

Also, I consider myself a very old 33 so we're both no longer spring chickens lol.



posted on Feb, 13 2019 @ 06:27 PM
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a reply to: stonerwilliam

Wow sorry six heart attacks! That's incredible, you came that close six times and kept on walking lol. My granddad died a few years back but he also had like four or five I think and in the end when they tried to bring him back according to the nurse his last act of life was to wave them back and say "No" and just went because he was done so the fact that you keep kicking backside tells me you've got a lot of fight in you. I am wondering are you aiming for any dog or are you looking for older dogs? I mean I don't have any up for adoption or anything just I always wondered when people adopt pets if they go for the older ones who are more likely to be put down or the "ugly" ones who aren't really adopted.



posted on Feb, 13 2019 @ 06:28 PM
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a reply to: stonerwilliam

Wow sorry six heart attacks! That's incredible, you came that close six times and kept on walking lol. My granddad died a few years back but he also had like four or five I think and in the end when they tried to bring him back according to the nurse his last act of life was to wave them back and say "No" and just went because he was done so the fact that you keep kicking backside tells me you've got a lot of fight in you. I am wondering are you aiming for any dog or are you looking for older dogs? I mean I don't have any up for adoption or anything just I always wondered when people adopt pets if they go for the older ones who are more likely to be put down or the "ugly" ones who aren't really adopted.



posted on Feb, 13 2019 @ 06:48 PM
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a reply to: Night Star

Sorry I haven't updated for a day or two had a few medical issues I had to deal with. Doing a bit better although had a bit of a break down earlier today when a friend started to show off their puppy and was talking about how excited they were etc. It made me remember getting Mid and put me back a few steps plus My niece sent me a beautiful picture of Midnight from a week or two ago and she just looked so young and I don't wanna sound crazy but beautiful and excited so much so that I've had a hard time looking at it more than once lol.



The counseling is helping, spoke about some good times and he said we had to talk about bad times, that talking about the bad times with Midnight (telling her off, when she was really naughty, if she ever barked or bit anyone (barked yes never bit), he said it would help me remember the good times and enjoy the good times more by remembering the bad. (Not sure if that's true but he's the expert lol). I still miss the bloody girl and have to struggle sometimes but like I said I'm slowly moving along, I currently carry a small ziplock bag with me everywhere I go and it (gonna sound creepy) has some of her fur in it, I don't plan on carrying it forever but for a little while longer just so shes near to me.

We have her ashes back, they gave them in what they called a dispersing box even though we asked for the casket but I didn't know it was her ashes in the box (was a basic box probably as big as an iphone x and as thick as a butter pots roughly) I opened the box and saw a bag of white ashes and burst into tears so that didn't help but pulled it all back after a few seconds but she's currently in the same glass unit as Playboy and Elvis (their puppy - 3 years old when he went) although she isn't pictured below that's Playboy (White dog statue) and Elvis (top one) as its an old picture and I'm waiting for her casket to get here in a few days.



I actually like having them there because they are right at the top of my stairs so I see them every time I go up or down the stairs lol. But I am honestly getting there with time and help as you said the memories will keep me going. Although I still doubt I'll ever get another dog for myself, after losing Midnight, Playboy and Elvis hit me so hard I think I might take a break from dogs for a while (Rodney and Delboy are technically the parents dog).



posted on Feb, 15 2019 @ 08:31 AM
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a reply to: Dwoodward85

Had a rough day of it today. Been crying almost all day long. Even going to work in tears and having puffy red eyes around teenagers isn't exactly a great look and the constant "You okay sir?" question being asked over and over by hundreds of kids, though nice that some might actually care, but others were probably being nosy it was still hard. I'm still struggling with her not being here every day and a few darker thoughts have popped into my head every once in a while but don't worry I'm not planning to carry them out.

Like I said in previous comments its the loneliness I'm trying to fight. Even with both parents, brother and two dogs the gap, the missing dog is front and center. I've actually taken to spending most of the morning in the front room just to get a break for it. I still sleep and spend most time up in our room (Mine and Midnights) but have to take breaks from it. I miss her with every ounce of my being and it kills me just to write that she isn't here. I think the fact that its only the second week since she was put to sleep and I'm going up and down emotional wise is probably normal and why I feel like this but I'm hoping praying that the weeks rush by and the crying parts end because they are draining the heck out of me.



posted on Feb, 15 2019 @ 06:14 PM
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a reply to: Dwoodward85

Sent you a private message Hun.I hope it helps.

Love the pictures you shared and appreciate that you are so honest and open about what you are going through. It helps to talk about things.







posted on Feb, 16 2019 @ 01:42 PM
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a reply to: Night Star

As I said in my reply to your incredible message and am saying now, the help I've gotten from this site has been so great. I can't go into details because I don't want the mods to remove my comment but I could feel myself walking into a much darker place than I wanted to be and each comment and reply was like ropes around my waist dragging me away from said dark place. I owe you guys so much more than you could imagine. I'll probably post a few more times mostly for the darker moments and the pining for Midnight moments. If I could give each and every one of you a pint I would.

Thank you.



posted on Feb, 16 2019 @ 04:04 PM
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a reply to: Dwoodward85

The members of this site have helped me tremendously through the years. ATS members are like an extended family. Real people behind our computer screens.



posted on Feb, 16 2019 @ 05:36 PM
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a reply to: Night Star

So true, since joining I've lost two dogs and a family friend and the ATS family were here to help pick me up. I probably wouldn't have been able to get through the worst of it if it wasn't for many people like yourself who have clearly gone out of their way and giving up even minutes to write a comment to help pick up my spirits and to urge me to keep going.



posted on Feb, 19 2019 @ 09:05 AM
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a reply to: Dwoodward85




I probably wouldn't have been able to get through the worst of it if it wasn't for many people like yourself who have clearly gone out of their way and giving up even minutes to write a comment to help pick up my spirits and to urge me to keep going.


I have to apologize as I began writing a massive post but couldn't post it for reasons of weakness is how I can explain it.

I have looked at this thread every time I log in which is at least 3 days at the beginning of each week to see how you were going.



I can't go into details because I don't want the mods to remove my comment but I could feel myself walking into a much darker place than I wanted to be and each comment and reply was like ropes around my waist dragging me away from said dark place.


My post was going to actually be directly about that or something there abouts.



not sure if its because there were many others giving you strength or when I spent about an hour composing my post it brought up thoughts and emotions that may have been too overwhelming so I chose to observe from the darkness, not be seen or heard instead of releasing and sharing the pain I have... still do at times, so engaging in these thread is sometimes hard, but you were in a lot of pain and if I would have shared mine which to me I believe I deserve and need to live with so as to not make the same mistakes again, I can never let go.

I briefly explained what I did and what happened here to another poster that seems to be having a lot to deal with at the moment, I read your words and other people posts and believe you were in very good company,

Heck just having nightstar here is enough, the love she spreads jumps out of the screen and you can actually feel the warmth in their words.

in the link below is where I briefly share some of the pain I need to live with, I could go into much more detail but doing so does hurt so I just live with the reminder of it to keep me from ever doing something along those line ever again.

www.abovetopsecret.com...


I was going to share that and the amazing thing that happened a few months later when I had lost all faith and was where you imply you were, maybe I should have but its hard to relive the moment when you dog dies and at the time a few weeks ago when you needed it I didn't have the strength, so again I am sorry but it looks like things are heading towards a brighter day than the darkness that you experienced just recently.


I will share what I experienced that brought me back into the light so to speak.

If you read what I posted in that other thread about Tyson and the things I said to him I think any person with a heart could sort understand the pain I caused myself by what I said, In a way I want to be told how much of a demon and evil person I am and I could try and justify my words and actions due to the issues I had/have and live with but with the few I have shared this with, everyone's humanity shines out and they show so much love to combat the hate I have for myself inside.

anyway,

Just after Tyson passed, My sister came over every day for about 3-4 weeks to grieve with me.

It was in the new year (Tyson passed on Dec 2nd, 2012) so Jan, 2013.

I didn't see my sister for about 3 weeks and in that time things got very dark, very dark.

I was always a person with deep spiritual beliefs

they simply vanished, don't know if if was over those few weeks or I just woke up and realized...

the world is material, there is no afterlife, there is no spirit, there is no God.

when we die we just rot in the ground there is no meaning to the cycle or recycling of life and death.

At the time I had and still do have another Rottie, Sonja, she just turned 10 just under a month ago.

I cant remember her or how she was coping with loss of her boyfriend, I try so many times but that short period of about 3 weeks was very dark.

All I remember is that one day things got so dark I just wanted to be alone, I didn't want Sonja around I couldn't have her around for what I wanted to do.

IT was in the morning after waking up when it happened

I rang my sister, I said you need to pick up and take Sonja, I don't want her. I just cant look after her.

She said that she had the phone in her hand and was about to dial to call me because she needed to see me and tell me something.

she basically said to shut up and wait

(wow, im tearing up bad typing this)

Deep breath......... OK


She said she will be there (at my place) very soon, she was already ready and was about call me to say she is coming over as the phone rang (me calling her ready to give up everything, you know what I mean?, everything)


In 10 minute so so she arrived, we live in the same area.


She comes in and says , these are her words or very close to what she actually said to me

"You know I had a dream last night, one of the very vivid dreams. I was in a dark room it felt like the room was never ending,

all of a sudden Tyson walked up to me and nudges my hand and makes me look in a certain direction


You were there with Sonja by your side,

you looked sooooooooooo lost and it looked like you needed some sort of help.

Tyson just wanted me to see you and her"

I was crying like a baby

that dream my sister had was my reality and the timing of it all was so profound that there was no way to contain my emotions.

In that split moment of hearing what my sister said and how she said it and when she said it, like I said I was calling her to say I give up basically but not in those words, more so that I needed her to take Sonja but she could read the deeper meaning of what I was saying even if she didn't have the dream, which it wasn't a dream in my beliefs and hers and many others would say the same, its a faith no one or nothing can take away.

It was something so real that restored my faith in many things.


Tyson came to her to help me in a time when it seemed like it was game over.

The game never ends and we all have our own experiences but in truth we all share these experiences,

everyone does things they have great guilt and suffer for, everyone suffers loss.

We all have love and we are all loved.

we just dress these experiences up in different clothing and make them smell differently, but in a persons life we all share the same experiences on the most basic conceptual level.



Like I said in previous comments its the loneliness I'm trying to fight. Even with both parents, brother and two dogs the gap, the missing dog is front and center.


In time it does get easier

it may be different for us all, I live a very lonely life of my own making

I work nights, very rarely see or speak to anyone other than my sick Dad and grandmother I help once a week or fortnight to do some shopping and whatever they need, my only friend is Sonja.

I see my Mom now a little more often and am an uncle, my sister had a child just over a year ago so in the recent year I have had a little less solitude.

in time how ever you live things do get better.

Nothing is really ever the same, each day changes

we get older

Its life

we can either give up, like I almost have not just on that one occasion but a few, not too many but a few.

Its our own outlook and perception of this world and ourselves that matter to us and our being.

negativity will



posted on Feb, 19 2019 @ 09:08 AM
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continued:

I was finishing off with



negativity will always try to sting us

we need it to gain a bit of immunity so we can help others and help ourselves

Its our choice if we allow it to take over,

be positive and never let go of whatever faith you may hold.

Much love



posted on Feb, 19 2019 @ 01:14 PM
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a reply to: InhaleExhale

Hi, thanks for your reply. It does sound like a battle that you've been through and obviously I can't say how painful things were for you but for me it was horrible. I couldn't think of what to do in the daytime and in the night it was basically tears streaming and snot bubbling (graphic details lol). Midnight was like a child to me, she was literally the only reason I woke up in the morning, went to work, didn't drink, etc. etc. she was the world for me and when she went my world crumbled. Even with a large family like my own loneliness is/was a problem for me and still is. I have been spending more time with my family mostly with two nieces who enjoy a good film or two with me every few days just to keep me going.

I have my dark moments and there are a few moments when my brain seems to confuse that she is here or that she hasn't gone but I deal with those moments as they come. My hear breaks and is still broken with her loss but I'll get through, some of your moments were exactly like my own, I have never believed in what might be considered a mainstream religion but I'm hoping that people are right and that there is something after because I miss the old girl every day, even having two dogs left it isn't the same. My poor girl is gone, she has left this world and we will hopefully be reunited one day in the future but I know that if she came to me now, if she could speak to me now she would tell me to buck up and get on with life, to mourn her and get on with my life otherwise it'll kill me, I truly believe she would rather see me happy and moving on that sitting in her chair crying myself to sleep.

I miss that girl more than I could ever explain and until the day we meet again I'll mourn her but we will be together.



posted on Feb, 19 2019 @ 11:30 PM
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a reply to: Dwoodward85


I have never believed in what might be considered a mainstream religion but I'm hoping that people are right and that there is something after because I miss the old girl every day


We are far more than just our physical bodies. We are made of energy and energy does not die. You could research near death experiences, out of body experiences, re-incarnation... We can't believe every story we hear about of course, many can be taken with a grain of salt. However, there have been children who describe meeting a deceased relative they have never met or even seen pictures of, people who describe what Doctors were doing and saying when they were clinically dead and seeing things that happened that they couldn't possibly see from the angle they were at. I could go on and on. Some food for thought anyway.





posted on Feb, 19 2019 @ 11:35 PM
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a reply to: InhaleExhale

No matter what you have been through in the past...Look at yourself now. You are here and elsewhere giving hope to others when in the past you had no hope for yourself.

Thank you for your kind words by the way!


A picture for you and Dwoodward…




posted on Feb, 20 2019 @ 06:18 AM
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a reply to: Night Star

(sighs)As it happens, this happened to me yesterday.
Had to put our 14 year old cocker to sleep, as the quality of life had gone: she could not hear or see well, it seemed she had alzheimers too.
I feel terrible, did not sleep well.
Still managed to get up early for work, but cannot concentrate. I feel like a zombie.
The loss is crippling, the worst thing was watching her tail slowly stop wagging


I'd like to think I will see her again (she was my only friend), unconditionnal love, yet I am not religious.

Thanks to all for your stories and good luck



posted on Feb, 20 2019 @ 01:43 PM
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a reply to: Night Star

Oh yeah I've read about those things. I'm a big fan of the paranormal, supernatural stuff ghosts and ndes but never really been 100 percent on it. I do hope though, the idea of being reconnected one day gives me some ease in the pain and trouble.



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