posted on Feb, 8 2019 @ 05:58 PM
a reply to: Night Star
I had to be the one to go. It's not that the others were refusing (Parents and older brother) they would've gone in fact my brother drove us there but
I couldn't let her either go alone or not with the person she spent most of her life with. We were literally around each other every chance we got. If
I left the house she would sit by the front door or at the top of the stairs and wouldn't move (from what I've been told) until I got home, so much
so, there was a moment a few years back when she fell down the stairs while I was at the shop, got a phone call from mum saying Midnight had fallen
down the big stairs (it's twelve steps) and hadn't got up since and that she wouldn't let the others pick her up so I rushed home the very second she
saw me she was up and running down the stairs again lol.
I was offered the chance to leave and let them do it with just her, they had sedated her enough at this point but I said no. I cried my eyes out as I
stood over her and watching them inject her and then her slipping away (shockingly fast for what I can remember with Elvis who went very slowly) and I
stayed for a minute or two afterwards gave her another scratch and rub, I even gave her a kiss on the snout (hand to snout) and said goodbye before
walking away. That was the hard part, hearing the door click shut was like something out of a bad Hollywood film, the echo felt like I was in a cave
or something. So yeah I couldn't let anyone else do it, I would've been like you were with the guilt but it would've been something that hung over me
for a long long time, maybe you're stronger than I am at getting through those moments and those decisions.
I will say that having the two remaining dogs running around and being around me has helped more than I thought it would but I've secretly been doing
things to avoid coming up to my floor of the house (for a layout idea think three flats with just one front door) so the times when I'm up here alone
are the hardest but when Delboy and Rodney are up they seem to kick the atmosphere up a couple notches. Still talking to her though lol, came home and
did my usual double tap on the front door and opened it and said "Watch out bird" and stepped inside, even when I come back from the shop I'll
secretly whisper under my breath "Hello gorgeous" just in case her spirit is here.
Can I add that I really appreciate the replies, I know most of the people who came to give me their well wishes, which was nice, have come and gone so
I was expecting it to end up being mostly a one sided conversation with myself so it's really nice to have a few people, yourself included coming
back. It really helps.