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Yesterday had to put my Dog to sleep

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posted on Feb, 7 2019 @ 02:38 AM
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a reply to: Dwoodward85

Let us know how the counseling goes.




posted on Feb, 7 2019 @ 12:30 PM
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a reply to: Night Star

Hi,

Yeah I had the first session this past Monday, I was basically allowed to just talk about Midnight and about what I loved about her, what made her so special to me etc. what I'll miss how her being gone will change my life and what it'll mean for me in the future. I've got another one this coming Monday and a third the following. Sadly because its on the NHS we only get so many so I'm using the three I'm getting and hoping that'll help but it has actually been a lot easier since the last time I wrote up here. I will admit to still talking to her, still thinking about her while getting on with my life, back to work Monday coming after having a week to mourn her, but having Delboy and Rodney to hang around with is also helping. I've yet to do anything that I normally would, I'm a comic book nerd and only managed to read one because my emotions seems to be telling me that having any enjoyment isn't fair on Midnight, same with watching television or going out etc. so that's something I've got to get passed.

Thanks for replying.



posted on Feb, 7 2019 @ 12:41 PM
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a reply to: Dwoodward85


I'm a comic book nerd and only managed to read one because my emotions seems to be telling me that having any enjoyment isn't fair on Midnight, same with watching television or going out etc. so that's something I've got to get passed.


Think of it this way...You made Midnight happy and she would want the same for you. That helped me when I was going through my grief over a beloved fur baby. That and knowing that they were in a beautiful safe place and would be fine until I would meet up with them again.

Let me know how your next session goes. Thank you for the update! The pain will lessen in time. It doesn't mean that we ever stop loving them or forget.



posted on Feb, 7 2019 @ 01:04 PM
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I feel compelled to tell you a beautiful memory I have of a pet rat I had. The ending will surprise the hell out of you.

Because she was always small for a rat, I called her Mousie. In her end days, I could see a change in how she acted and wasn't eating much. She was pretty much at the end of her life expectancy and I wanted to keep her as comfortable as I could. I would take her out of the cage and feed her tiny amounts at a time. She was no longer steady on her feet and so very weak, so I would support her with one hand while picking up bits of food to offer and she would slowly take them and hold the piece of food in her little paws and nibble a tiny amount at a time.

Every day between meals, I would offer her a favorite treat. When she saw me approach the cage at those times, she would stand on her hind legs on a log and wait for me to offer it to her. There came the day when she no longer had the strength to do so. My heart was breaking.

The night she died, I happened to be near the cage and there she was standing on that log. It was impossible. There is no way she had the strength left to do that. I gently picked her up and held her. THEN...she took both her front paws and wrapped them around one of my fingers and looked up at me. She had never done that before. It wasn't long after that she passed away in her sleep.

I knew what an effort it was for her to do what she did. My sweet little girl was saying goodbye and thank you.

Animals know that they are loved and thankful for the joy we bring them. Midnight holds your love in her heart and knows you will be together again. She knows you did what was best for her and how hard it was for you to let her go. I can picture her running in open medows and lying beneath tall green trees wih a gentle breeze carressing her. She is not alone there and has good company. I believe she is content and that you will be reunited. I really do.



posted on Feb, 7 2019 @ 10:00 PM
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a reply to: Dwoodward85

I'm glad the counselor helped, and hope the other two visits help even more.
Maybe it makes it more cathartic to talk about your dear girl to a professional and a stranger.

I hope your grief does lessen sooner rather than later, and the good memories slowly fill in the pain.
I think you'll always be a little sad, but your heart will heal.
You'll even be able to talk about her without having to hold back tears. I remember that being a milestone for me.



posted on Feb, 8 2019 @ 06:55 AM
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a reply to: Night Star

Cheers and yeah I do think she'd be annoyed that I wasn't enjoying myself with my usual stuff because the last few years of her life she spent most of the time sleeping away in her big chair on (in the final months) on her big cushion on the floor beside her chair. I'll get there, I'll get back to doing the things that I usually enjoy doing but right now I'm just trying to go on, to go day to day, still struggling with the silence and absence of her not being here, even with the two dogs I have left (2 and 3 year old Huskies their picture is somewhere on this thread) but I notice the absence, I had to clean up her chair yesterday/last night and kept saying "Don't worry girl, I'm only cleaning it not throwing it out" as if she was standing there behind me like she would sometimes checking I wasn't messing about with her blankets and pillows so that's what I'm trying to deal with at the moment.

And I'll update on Monday/Tuesday how the second session goes. Thanks for still replying.



posted on Feb, 8 2019 @ 07:07 AM
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a reply to: Night Star

That's what I was hoping would happen with her. When she started to go that night I picked her up and put her on her chair, she kept twisting like she was trying to clean herself but couldn't stop herself and instead was yelping as she twisted so, as I said I leaned over a chair arm and let her push into me, I could feel her shaking and her eyes wide but she settled into a sleep (still shaking though but no wimping or moaning) and slept for a good few hours, I didn't I couldn't take the chance that she went without me knowing, I stroked her and stroked her to the point of my arm aching lol and secretly in my head I was hoping she went that way, so that she didn't have to experience the vets and the trauma of being put down (hate saying that but people tend to not like the other words) she didn't sadly and I had to take her down there. But I'll hold those final moments in my heart, I will remember that it was only once she was leaning into me, when I stopped her body from turning and giving some pain that'll stick with me but still, I do wish she would've gone in her sleep.


Another memory, when we first got her she was brought to us by my Uncle, we had both Playboy and Midnight come to us at the same time and while Playboy was all over us, jumping up and down and running about Midnight ran straight under the table and sat there for I can't remember how long but it was long lol. She eventually grew to enjoy being around us. Also another memory was something she would do all the time, she loved to be scratched and hugged at the same time that was her thing. I live in a house that has long passage/corridors between rooms and if you stood at one end and threw up claw hands and growled she would excitedly run toward you with her tongue hanging and her legs going, even though her hips were painful at times that was the one thing she loved to do, that and pulling on the hose pipe lol. The funny thing is beyond having to tell her off once in a while she was rarely told off so I know she had a good life and that helps.



posted on Feb, 8 2019 @ 07:13 AM
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a reply to: DontTreadOnMe

Me too.

As I said to the others, the silence is the hardest part and trying to explain to people what I mean by silence is a difficult thing to do and I should probably say Absence over silence because that really is what I mean. Not having her here, as I said to the councilor is the hard part I know this might sound creepy but I still have a wad of her fur in a little baggie in the glass cabinet where I have the ashes of the past dogs and the same place where she'll go when they send her here. Which I know is going to be a problem for me, I did the same with Playboy, when his ashes/casket was delivered I took it and had a little break down moment telling him that he should be here with me not in a box so I'm not looking forward to that part but being able to talk and talk about Midnight and the pain that I'm going through both on here and to the councilor really is helping it still doesn't take away the pain of losing her and I'm sure it never will but as the councilor said "Eventually you'll be able to think of her without crying, without feeling lost or alone. You'll probably never get over it but you'll get through the hard parts and the mention of her name will make your heart smile" so I'm looking forward to that part lol.

But man do I miss her still just as much as I miss Playboy and Elvis (Midnight and Playboys son - Died aged 3) but from reading other comments on here I know that 3,5,7,10 plus years can go by and you never stop missing them.

Thanks for replying. I'm surprised people still are. It really does help me being able to talk/write with people who know what the pain is like.



posted on Feb, 8 2019 @ 10:59 AM
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a reply to: Dwoodward85

Thank you for sharing your memories of Midnight with us!

It was my Husband who went to the vets with our cats who did not go in their sleep. I swore I would go and be there in their last moments, but I was so grief stricken I couldn't bear to. I carried that guilt for some time. Then I realized that they understood and it was ok. I spent the time before they left the house just holding them and speaking softly, letting them know that soon there would be no more pain and suffering and we would meet again. I get choked up remembering.

There was always room in my heart to bring other fur babies into my life and they brought their own special kind of love and joy into my life. So many beautiful, precious lives have touched mine through the years and I have never regretted a single one.



posted on Feb, 8 2019 @ 05:58 PM
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a reply to: Night Star

I had to be the one to go. It's not that the others were refusing (Parents and older brother) they would've gone in fact my brother drove us there but I couldn't let her either go alone or not with the person she spent most of her life with. We were literally around each other every chance we got. If I left the house she would sit by the front door or at the top of the stairs and wouldn't move (from what I've been told) until I got home, so much so, there was a moment a few years back when she fell down the stairs while I was at the shop, got a phone call from mum saying Midnight had fallen down the big stairs (it's twelve steps) and hadn't got up since and that she wouldn't let the others pick her up so I rushed home the very second she saw me she was up and running down the stairs again lol.

I was offered the chance to leave and let them do it with just her, they had sedated her enough at this point but I said no. I cried my eyes out as I stood over her and watching them inject her and then her slipping away (shockingly fast for what I can remember with Elvis who went very slowly) and I stayed for a minute or two afterwards gave her another scratch and rub, I even gave her a kiss on the snout (hand to snout) and said goodbye before walking away. That was the hard part, hearing the door click shut was like something out of a bad Hollywood film, the echo felt like I was in a cave or something. So yeah I couldn't let anyone else do it, I would've been like you were with the guilt but it would've been something that hung over me for a long long time, maybe you're stronger than I am at getting through those moments and those decisions.

I will say that having the two remaining dogs running around and being around me has helped more than I thought it would but I've secretly been doing things to avoid coming up to my floor of the house (for a layout idea think three flats with just one front door) so the times when I'm up here alone are the hardest but when Delboy and Rodney are up they seem to kick the atmosphere up a couple notches. Still talking to her though lol, came home and did my usual double tap on the front door and opened it and said "Watch out bird" and stepped inside, even when I come back from the shop I'll secretly whisper under my breath "Hello gorgeous" just in case her spirit is here.

Can I add that I really appreciate the replies, I know most of the people who came to give me their well wishes, which was nice, have come and gone so I was expecting it to end up being mostly a one sided conversation with myself so it's really nice to have a few people, yourself included coming back. It really helps.



posted on Feb, 8 2019 @ 07:29 PM
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a reply to: Dwoodward85

I know that you still need people to help you through this so I will remain as long as you need.

It is an amazing connection that people have with their beloved pets. I enjoy hearing about your memories of Midnight and I understand the loss you are feeling right now. I'm not really strong, sometimes maybe, but only because I am forced to be. Sometimes I'm as weak as a kitten. I just feel very strongly that our deceased animals know how we feel, understand and wish us happiness until we meet again.

I can picture them in a beautiful place and content and that brings me much peace.



posted on Feb, 9 2019 @ 08:21 AM
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a reply to: Dwoodward85

Hey bro,
I was wondering how you are holding up?



posted on Feb, 9 2019 @ 10:36 AM
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a reply to: Macenroe82

Hi, thanks for caring.
I'm getting there. Trying to get all the love I can from the Huskies who are still suffering from the loss as well, at least one of them is, he seems down all the time now well apart from food and walks, he loves his walks. But yeah I'm getting through, I mean I haven't cried as much as I did when she first went and haven't broken down as much as I did when it first happened. I did get her ashes a day ago which made things a little harder, we wanted and paid for a casket like the previous two dogs but she came in a cardboard dispersing box, I had no clue until I opened that box and saw her ashes in a bag and broke down but held it back. So I've ordered a new casket for her to be put in but other than that I'm getting through the hard part and moving into the part of mourning where you remember the good parts and not break down over the sad parts.

Thanks for commenting as I said to Night Star and others, it helps to talk/write about her, I think that's how I've managed to deal with her going faster than I have in the past. Although one other big pain is neighbours and friends asking how she was and having to tell them about Midnight which is also nice I guess because it showed she was liked lol.



posted on Feb, 9 2019 @ 10:40 AM
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a reply to: Night Star

I'm glad some are still around. I agree that the connection between our pets and us are strong and always will be. I'm still sure I won't get another dog for myself when I eventually move out of the parents house only because I don't think I'd be strong enough to make that life ending decision I actually have a friend who is struggling with her own pet who had a fit like Midnight and had the same issues after but has said she doesn't want to and I honestly couldn't say she should but we both knew she should.

Having people to chat to helps keep her alive in a sense I suppose so you being around and checking in (as did Macenroe82) will be something I'm forever grateful for without having people like you guys might have made my mourning Midnight a lot tougher, so I do owe you guys alot.



posted on Feb, 9 2019 @ 01:53 PM
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a reply to: Dwoodward85

You don't owe me a thing Hun.

I am glad that things are getting easier for you. Midnight will always be alive in your memories and in your heart.

Anyone who makes the decision to put their pet to sleep is making that decision out of love and for the best interest of the animal. Some delay such actions because they won't let go and the animal suffers. I have a friend who delayed her actions and I could see when I visited that the animal was in pain. She was obviously in denial. I tried to gently coax her into reality and make her see, but it wasn't until things went downhill fast and he got worse that she could no longer deny his suffering and let him go. Very sad.



posted on Feb, 9 2019 @ 02:33 PM
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a reply to: Night Star

Yeah I've managed to get a message to the friend and told her that I'd go with her or go and be with the dog in the last few minutes but she is now saying it isn't about that but the money, she hasn't got the money together for another few days and I've said I'd lend (or give if I'm honest) the money just so the dog doesn't have to go through more pain that is needed. I think that's the best way to put it as it's why I had to do Midnight, I'd have kept her until the day I died if I had the choice but she was in pain and clearly (her distant stares) told me she wasn't far off.



posted on Feb, 9 2019 @ 03:45 PM
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a reply to: Night Star



These are the two buggers who are keeping me going. For all the family I have I'll be honest like really honest when I lost Midnight it was super hard and it was something that left me questioning what it all was worth (I'm talking about my future) and what was I going to do next (I've gotten passed those parts) but these two little monsters are the things that kept me going and now I just have to push all the love I have that Midnight has left behind and throw it at them lol.



posted on Feb, 10 2019 @ 02:37 AM
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a reply to: Dwoodward85

Awww, That is sweet that you not only offered the money, but the support of being there with your friend as well.

Your other dogs are gorgeous!! I always loved huskies!



posted on Feb, 10 2019 @ 08:46 AM
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a reply to: Night Star

Yh I haven't seen the dog properly she said she didn't want others to go near him but I had a feeling money was an issue. Obviously losing a dog is horrible and wouldn't want to rush her into it but if the dog is in pain I couldn't just leave it at that. And thanks, they're a pain and pull on their leads like they're chasing rabbits but they're helping.

I had this moment this morning like a quick thing where I sat up in bed and looked around the room questioning where Midnight was and then it hit me again that she wasn't here anymore which was hard but I didn't break down, didn't cry so I think I'm getting through that part of the whole mourning thing. Of course with the help you and others on here have given.



posted on Feb, 10 2019 @ 05:29 PM
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a reply to: Dwoodward85

I'm glad that you are having an easier time of it Dwoodward. The pain does lessen in time, but we will always have our memories.




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