posted on Jan, 31 2019 @ 07:07 PM
About three years ago I wrote about losing one of my two German Sheppard, Playboy, he died in his sleep and was taken and cremated and for three years
his sister Midnight gave me all the love and fun you could ever want from a dog but today (31st Jan) at about half ten in the morning Midnight was put
to sleep as well. She had a seizer a few weeks before Christmas and for an hour or so was wobbly on her feet but got back to her old self and
continued to live happily, she didn't want to have shorter walks than she used to even though she was starting to have bad hips and she didn't want
to do anything different but then at 1am in the morning (30th/31st) she had a turn and changed. She sort of froze for a few seconds then tried to move
but none of her legs were working, her front left leg was moving like she was trying to swim, her back legs kept dropping but the fighter still tried
to get back up but then when she finally settled she was different, she was turning into herself like she was trying to clean herself but didn't seem
like she could control that, her eyes seemed dilated and almost like she was looking off into the distance so from about half one until quarter past
eight in the morning I sat with my beautiful baby girl stroking her leaning over a chair arm and hurting my already damaged back so she could lean
into me rather than twisting her body (she whimpered when she did it so my body was me trying to stop it) and we stayed like that for her last night.
After trying to hunt down a vet who wasn't looking to charge me six hundred pounds to basically end my dogs life I found one who was willing to do it
for less than three hundred including the cremation and the casket I took her down, sat with her as they gave her the injection and you know what she
even tried to fight that which shocked even the vet who said "I might have to give her another shot. She just doesn't want to go" which broke my
heart but before the idea even passed through us Midnight gasped a few times then went. My heart broke into a million pieces at that point (it was
already broken when Playboy went). I was given a few more minutes and gave her one last hug told her I loved her more than I could ever show or tell
her and then left the room.
Now I'm no small guy, six foot 2 at midday (stupid joke my granddad used to say) and about sixteen stone but standing outside the door I was
approached by an little old lady who took my forearm and said "Hugs are for free" but I didn't take her up on it, I said thanks and that I was
fine. Paid and left. As I walked back to my brothers car the feeling of deserting her came back, just like with Playboy, the idea of her being left
behind even though I swore I would protect her were right there but I knew and still know that it was for the best, she was older than most dogs round
about seventeen which is apparently ancient for her breed, she had the happiest life a dog could wish (just like her brother) and ate food that no dog
should be allowed to eat (dog food normally but the occasional kfc, kebab and yes even a custard cream or a malteaser every now and then) and after
coming home to well emptiness (even though there are others here with me) and walking into the room we shared it felt like walking into an empty hall.
Her absence was a clear as a bell. So here I am a full 20 odd hours after her passing and I'm heart broken. I live with family still (parents are
disabled so that's my excuse lol) and a brother who have their own dogs and I know I'll fall in love with them at some point and probably take over
but you know I'm going to miss the heck out of my fur baby, I'll never get to walk up to my front door and hear her hurrying about after I know, or
the smile on her face when I'd call to her "C'mere then gorgeous" or standing at one end of a room and throwing up claw hands and growling
watching her hurry toward me with excited eyes (crying now lol) even with bad hips she would hurry to me and me to her, but losing her is going to be
a battle that I hope I'll win because with my own mental health issues (Obsessive thoughts) I know it'll be something hard to escape.
Thanks for listening (reading) ats
I knew if there was ever a place where there were friendly faces and fellow animal lovers who could share in my pain it'd be here.