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where do you draw the line at making your kids do something they dont want to do?

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posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 06:04 PM
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Do not force her to play!

There is a reason why they call it “playing” an instrument.

Imposing your will, no matter how “gently” will sap the fun of playing, and thus some of the interest.

She loves to listen to music, all genres, as you said.

So, ask what (some of) her favorite song(s) is/are.

Then pick the easiest instrument to play, and one day play her favorite song, or songs, on that instrument.

Most importantly, have fun, and let her see how much fun it is.

Pique her interest, don’t force her participation.




posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 06:07 PM
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a reply to: TinySickTears

If she's telling you that she wants to play an instrument because it "sounds pretty" then I don't think she's quite ready to learn.

I learned some Guitar when I was twelve or so because I wanted to.

I appreciate you wanting her to learn early and I'm sure she would be capable but she does have to want to learn.



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 06:13 PM
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Be sure to teach her to capitalize her sentences or no one will ever take her serious when she becomes an adult and thinks it's a normal thing to do. Happy New Year by the way. Also never force your child to do anything they don't want to do.



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 06:14 PM
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originally posted by: openyourmind1262
Be sure to teach her to capitalize her sentences or no one will ever take her serious when she becomes an adult and thinks it's a normal thing to do. Happy New Year by the way. Also never force your child to do anything they don't want to do.


should i remind her to be a dick at all times too?

i mean cause capitalization is mad important on a message board



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 06:28 PM
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a reply to: TinySickTears

Bad habits are hard to break...teach her that as well. You quick to call one a dick. You never capitalize a damn thing and you think it's grand that YOU buck the system.....no it's not grand, it's a really bad habit that kinda makes you look less of an adult.



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 06:32 PM
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originally posted by: openyourmind1262
a reply to: TinySickTears

Bad habits are hard to break...teach her that as well. You quick to call one a dick. You never capitalize a damn thing and you think it's grand that YOU buck the system.....no it's not grand, it's a really bad habit that kinda makes you look less of an adult.


yup.
i think youre a dick and i dont capitalize much.

thanks for doing your thing of being a dick and coming and and getting off topic right off the rip and not really posting anything of value to the subject.


edit on 1-1-2019 by TinySickTears because: (no reason given)


there are about 3 of you anal piles that pop up in all my threads with your little bull# comments trying to take little digs at me.

keep it up.
im hoping to snag a 4th
edit on 1-1-2019 by TinySickTears because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 06:34 PM
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See: www.abovetopsecret.com...

You already have your answer... You just need to listen to it/her.

You've already stated you don't want to force her if she doesn't want to.
You've already stated that she doesn't want to.

The only thing you can do is encourage... Not by badgering or bullying... But by showing.

Pick a nice easy instrument that has a lot of versatility in the songs that can be played on it. IE Don't go Violin.

Then, simply get back into music yourself.
Kids are sponges to their environment, if she sees you playing an instrument and sees you enjoying it and having fun with it, she will want to try.
So, play the easy instrument in your free time and enjoy it yourself.
If she has any interest in the instrument and how to play it, then it will happen quickly enough.



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 07:14 PM
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a reply to: TinySickTears

When my kids were growing up I did not force them to do anything extracurricular that they didn't want to do, but when they asked to do certain things my rule was that they had to stick it out for the entire season/term even if they decided once they got into it that they had a change of heart. They did everything from sports to scouts to band to clubs to group/private lessons... all had to be stuck with for the entire cycle.

The only time I absolutely put my foot down and refused to allow them to participate was when the youngest wanted to get into beauty pageants. I explained my views on the sexist nature of judging females by their outward appearance and that I would not finance or support that in any way. She was mad about it then but now at 28 and expecting her first child she completely agrees with that perspective!

My kids were allowed to choose their own activities and neither I nor their Dad ever forced them into extracurriculars of our choosing. Kids like what THEY like and forcing them into activities tends to make them HATE them.



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 07:34 PM
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a reply to: TinySickTears

Music teacher here. As in, I make my living from teaching private lessons on saxophone and flute. I have a Bachelor and Master of Music Performance from the top music school in the country; I've been teaching since I was 15; I've performed for 5 different US Presidents, regularly, and countless heads of state, etc. (read: I know what I'm doing. I'm no hack and I'm not your average musician). I have a waiting list to get into my studio and not many of my students quit my lessons, so parents will delay their kids starting lessons for 6 months to a yer so they can take lessons with me.

Firstly: if your daughter is only 6, there are only two, I repeat TWO, instruments that she should be allowed to try to learn. Piano or Suzuki violin.

If you don't know what's meant by Suzuki violin, look it up.

Kids aren't big enough, physically, to be able to properly learn any other instruments until they are in 5th or 6th grade, and even then, some are still too small. If you start a kid on an instrument and their hands aren't large enough to have correct hand and finger position, you're only setting them up for extreme frustration. Some teachers will let a kid start when their hands are too small, and will let them use an incorrect position. Then the kid has practiced in YEARS of wrong technique, and they WILL hit a wall and give up. Because eventually their incorrect positions will prevent them from playing anything much at all, and it's so difficult to correct a habit like that that most kids these days don't have the discipline to do it.

And about discipline: to learn an instrument takes a great amount of it. You say you "study music," so you must know, huh? How are your reading skills, Tiny Sick Tears? Can you read in bass clef as well as treble clef? Do you understand rhythms, and can you comfortably sub-divide one level down, in every time signature? Speaking of time signature, are you comfortable in meters other than 2 or 4-4?

Since you study music,you of course know that recognizing the notes on the staff (or ledger lines above and below the staff) is not even step 1. You have to also know the corresponding fingering for every single pitch, and then of course if you're playing a wind instrument, at the same time all that is happening second by second, you must have the correct embouchure and coordinate that with your air flow and tongue for every note.

For starters.

Most kids younger than 5th grade don't have the necessary attention span to begin to actually learn any of that. And most kids today can't deal with the discomfort of not having instant gratification, so they can't stick it out for more than ten minutes. Your kid needs to be able to apply focused and steady attention for a minimum of 20 minutes at a time.

And you as a parent will need to help them practice their instrument for 20 minutes every day if you want them to have ANY shot of ever enjoying it. Most kids (whose parents let them run the show) will be excited about playing the instrument for a week or two. Then they will realize the WORK and actual attention and practice it takes to make any progress and they will quit.

Another thing to consider: if I were a kid, and my dad smoked pot on a regular basis so that he carried around a jar of someone else's piss with him every day with hand warmers to keep the piss warm in case he got pulled for a drug test? I wouldn't give a crap where my dad put his foot down or not. Even at 6, who can possibly respect that crap?

edit on 1-1-2019 by KansasGirl because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 07:53 PM
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originally posted by: KansasGirl


Another thing to consider: if I were a kid, and my dad smoked pot on a regular basis so that he carried around a jar of someone else's piss with him every day with hand warmers to keep the piss warm in case he got pulled for a drug test? I wouldn't give a crap where my dad put his foot down or not. Even at 6, who can possibly respect that crap?


hahahahahahha

ok

thanks for all your wisdom.
thanks for telling me how kick ass you are and how much of a piece of # i am.
basically what you said

i mean what is your problem

i have to have a masters in music and be first chair to study music?


i told you last time you tried you get your little bull# digs in i dont carry around someone elses piss.

you tried that last time


look at the bright side

looks like i have my 4th

but seriously. why do you have to be a dick?

i asked a question about music lessons and with your experience you could have helped and had some positive input.
instead you come off like a giant asshole






posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 07:54 PM
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thanks to those that were not assholes and gave some advice.
both for and against

i appreciate it



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 08:27 PM
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originally posted by: TinySickTears

originally posted by: KansasGirl


Another thing to consider: if I were a kid, and my dad smoked pot on a regular basis so that he carried around a jar of someone else's piss with him every day with hand warmers to keep the piss warm in case he got pulled for a drug test? I wouldn't give a crap where my dad put his foot down or not. Even at 6, who can possibly respect that crap?


hahahahahahha

ok

thanks for all your wisdom.
thanks for telling me how kick ass you are and how much of a piece of # i am.
basically what you said

i mean what is your problem

i have to have a masters in music and be first chair to study music?


i told you last time you tried you get your little bull# digs in i dont carry around someone elses piss.

you tried that last time


look at the bright side

looks like i have my 4th

but seriously. why do you have to be a dick?

i asked a question about music lessons and with your experience you could have helped and had some positive input.
instead you come off like a giant asshole





I DID give you some great advice about the music lessons/learning an instrument. I was only an asshole about the pot.

I gave you specific and actionable advice, with explanation why I gave that advice, and with the benefit of having extremely specific and vast experience in the exact area of your question. And I'm happy to answer any questions that might come up or to help out in whatever way I can.

I'm an asshe about the pot thing of yours because it sounds REALLY irresponsible and immature- and you have kids! You could EASILY lose your job dude, because you can't muster up the self-responsibility and self-respect to put down the weed when it may get you fired. Do you think about your kids and how stressed their dad will be when he's out of work for who knows how long, because he couldn't stop for a minute on the MJ?

Your response was that you know how to fool a drug test, so you don't have to worry about it. Irresponsible and juvenile.

You never did address what about just not smoking weed or doing drugs when you're working at a place that prohibits it and tests for it?

I'm just some asshole on the Internet, but maybe you need to hear it. It's possible.



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 08:31 PM
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a reply to: KansasGirl

What is the top music school in the country?

An old band mate of mine who graduated with honors from Berklee, was thinking of getting an MFA at a local school.
A theater teacher of mine gamed Stanford to get a scholarship for the orchestra, while getting a major in Theater.

Having been a professional, and working with professionals in the industry.
Please tell me. As my primary job, has introduced me to hundreds (if not thousands) of professional musicians who I have had conversations with over dinner or drinks. I've never received a consensus answer.
Of course I am not including the international superstars I have worked with.



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 08:36 PM
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originally posted by: KansasGirl

I'm an asshe about the pot thing of yours because it sounds REALLY irresponsible and immature- and you have kids! You could EASILY lose your job dude, because you can't muster up the self-responsibility and self-respect to put down the weed when it may get you fired. Do you think about your kids and how stressed their dad will be when he's out of work for who knows how long, because he couldn't stop for a minute on the MJ?

Your response was that you know how to fool a drug test, so you don't have to worry about it. Irresponsible and juvenile.

.


fantastic

you made your opinion known.
you made it known last time too.

see in this thread i was asking advice on what people thought about music lessons

i was not asking about how people think about me smoking pot.

you going to follow me into the next thread and spot the same #?

give it a rest ok

you made your point. i thought about it. i dismissed it just like i dd last time.


and you were a dick the whole time
your credentials and how awesome you are


picking at me cause i said i study music cause apparently you need to be at conservatory to do that.


have a great day

edit on 1-1-2019 by TinySickTears because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 08:38 PM
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Simple word of advice from an old broad.

There is a huge difference between discipline and punishment.

Parents oftentimes make the mistake of conflating the two. Don't make that mistake. It is your duty and responsibility as a parent to prepare your child for the future and the world they will have to face. Discipline is a major factor in that process.

Punishment is all together different, and should be used as needed. It should fit the age and the crime. Consistency is a must. A child should be able to trust you, even when it comes to discipline and punishment.
edit on 1-1-2019 by NightSkyeB4Dawn because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 08:57 PM
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Piano or clavinova (Yamaha digital piano).

Those would be my opinion. Fun to learn together as a family, looks great anywhere and last but not least, you can actually use the knowledge as it applies to all instruments. Notes, scales and keys.

I know you're not a fan of my opinions, but this one is pretty good.




posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 09:18 PM
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I think it's fine to feel out what your kid's interests are and to let him or her follow them, but where I draw the line is with parents who them don't enforce follow through.

If my son says he wants to play soccer, then we sit down and talk about it. I tell him it's fine for him to play soccer so long as he understands that he is committing to a couple months of practices and games (he's 8 - they don't play all that long). If he tries it for that season and decides he doesn't like it, no one will make him sign up for it again, but he doesn't sign up for a thing and quit just because he gets tired of it after a couple weeks of practice or having to ride the bench for a game or two.

Sure, there can be mitigating circumstances. Coaches can be royal @sshats. Kids can get injured. But most times, kids just don't have follow through and parents don't have the spine to teach them that lesson.

Right now, we're getting ready for the summer camp search. And we're having the dialogue. He knows that summer is the time to try new things, and that there are all kinds of camps around.

Every so often, ours says he wants to play guitar, and we remind him how it was to get started with martial arts and actually start learning that ... and he backs off on the guitar, especially when we tell him that to really play guitar, he will have to wear blisters on his fingers and play through that until his fingers develop calluses, and all of that will take 30 minutes or more of practice on his own, at home at least 3 times a week. Then we remind him of the extra work at home he puts in on martial arts now.
edit on 1-1-2019 by ketsuko because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 09:21 PM
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originally posted by: TinySickTears

originally posted by: KansasGirl

I'm an asshe about the pot thing of yours because it sounds REALLY irresponsible and immature- and you have kids! You could EASILY lose your job dude, because you can't muster up the self-responsibility and self-respect to put down the weed when it may get you fired. Do you think about your kids and how stressed their dad will be when he's out of work for who knows how long, because he couldn't stop for a minute on the MJ?

Your response was that you know how to fool a drug test, so you don't have to worry about it. Irresponsible and juvenile.

.


fantastic

you made your opinion known.
you made it known last time too.

see in this thread i was asking advice on what people thought about music lessons

i was not asking about how people think about me smoking pot.

you going to follow me into the next thread and spot the same #?

give it a rest ok

you made your point. i thought about it. i dismissed it just like i dd last time.


and you were a dick the whole time
your credentials and how awesome you are


picking at me cause i said i study music cause apparently you need to be at conservatory to do that.


have a great day


I was being a dick, you're right. I'm sorry.

No, you don't have to be at a conservatory to study music. Not at all. I was a total ugly bitch about that. I don't know why. Well, I have an idea why, but I shouldn't have taken it out on you. It has nothing to do with you. Lots of people (most people) think that they're a "musician" because they picked up a how-to book and can pluck out three chords on the guitar. Or they can play two fingers on the piano, etc. people ask what you do and when you reply "I'm a musician" you almost always get "oh cool, me too. I play guitar" and then you start asking some questions and you quickly discover they know nothing about music OR playing the guitar, really. That alone doesn't necessarily bother us, but then when you combine that with parents who bring their kids in for lessons and get upset when Parker or Emma isnt playing a Mozart concerto in two weeks, even though their kid hasnt practiced once- It can get old.

I guess I must be tense right now (I can't follow your suggestion of smoking some pot; it's too risky that my defenses would go down and I would think its no big deal to drink. For me, it's a huge deal to drink and I probably wouldn't survive the next relapse. I've been too lucky with it already). Sorry I took it out on you.

So, I'm sorry, man. About making it sound like I think you have to study at conservatory. I don't. And I'm a huge advocate for kids AND adults learning how to read music and play an instrument; not because they will go on to be the next Yo Yo Ma, but because the benefits are many, many fold in many,a many areas of the brain and life! It can do wonders for kids and even adults.

If I've gotten you to think a few more times about the pot thing than you normally would, then I'm not sure if I'm totally sorry about being a total bitch about your pot smoking. I just think, since you have kids and you have a job, you should do everything you can to protect that job. To lose your livlihood over POT would be so sad, man.

And since I have LOST A HUGE JOB BECAUSE IM A DRUNK, I know from experience that if you lose a job for a substance issue (booze or drugs), it follows you around and it can be almost impossible to get another job. That you were fired for a substance issue will be known to every job you apply to,, after that, for a number of years.

It's not worth it.

For some reason I like your ridiculous self, TST, and maybe I can make a difference in your life by helping you not be stupid. About the pot/work thing. Do it for your kids, do it for yourself. Toke it up on vacay, whatever, but lay off if you're going to work the next day or two. Besides, you say it's no big deal, but seriously, who wants to have to track down a bottle of another person's piss and keep it warm and pretend it's their own?

Sorry for being a big bitch, TST.

Let me know if you start your girl on lessons- I'll give you some tricks to help make practicing easier in those first few months. 💞



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 09:22 PM
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a reply to: NightSkyeB4Dawn

Boom! Wise, wise words, ma'am!



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 09:51 PM
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a reply to: KansasGirl

You were doing great until the last paragraph. Totally unnecessary, and IMO, beneath a "music professional" by leaps and bounds. It comes off as the stereotypical snotty musician attitude most poke fun at.

There is also an alternative that hasn't been suggested. Logically, I'd say letting them literally PLAY with the instrument is probably the best intro you can give, free exploration of it for a while versus diving head first into lessons. It might sound like a dying cat with it's tail slammed in a door for a bit, but a little kiddie DIY time before lessons might strengthen interest.



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