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2019 New Year Resolutions

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posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 08:42 AM
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Welcome to the new year!

2019.

Wow.

Still no flying cars, so WTF?

Anyway. . . . it is time for new year resolutions.

I (of course) always make and keep mine, but I understand that some don't.


SO what are your resolutions for the new year?

Me?

I have several.

I plan to;
1. Continue blinking
2. Stay fat and unhealthy
3. Drink too much
4. Lose more hair
5. Occasionally shave
6. Irritate people
7. Continue to work on my banjo-disco fusion album
8. Publish my book, "Why Jesus Voted For Trump"
9. Fart loudly

and for the final DB resolution of 2019. . . . .

10. Sing bad opera while grocery shopping!




posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 08:47 AM
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Mine is to never ever vote in a UK election again! BREXITEER!



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 08:50 AM
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The only resolution I have ever kept is to stop making resolutions.



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 09:01 AM
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"Stop being an outright bitch, and try being more of a secret bitch".

...anonymous



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 09:08 AM
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I, too, plan to fart loudly...and, fortunately, I've signed up for a new meal plan that will finally help me finally make this a reality.



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 09:09 AM
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a reply to: DBCowboy


Not get prosecuted for any of the felonies I regularly commit.

A.K.A. 'Last year'.



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 09:11 AM
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originally posted by: IAMTAT
I, too, plan to fart loudly...and, fortunately, I've signed up for a new meal plan that will finally help me finally make this a reality.


I've heard of that.

It's a subsidiary of Jenny Craig, isn't it?

"Colon Larry"?



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 09:12 AM
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originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus
a reply to: DBCowboy


Not get prosecuted for any of the felonies I regularly commit.

A.K.A. 'Last year'.


"Allegedly" commit.



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 09:13 AM
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a reply to: DBCowboy


Riiiiight, 'allegedly'.



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 09:15 AM
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originally posted by: DBCowboy

originally posted by: IAMTAT
I, too, plan to fart loudly...and, fortunately, I've signed up for a new meal plan that will finally help me finally make this a reality.


I've heard of that.

It's a subsidiary of Jenny Craig, isn't it?

"Colon Larry"?


Close.



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 09:32 AM
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You guys are really sick puppies and I don't know why I keep coming back for more.



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 09:54 AM
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I ALSO resolve to be less misogynistic this year...and try to pay more attention to my wives.



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 10:00 AM
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I'm no longer going to throat-punch my anger management coaches.



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 10:36 AM
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originally posted by: DBCowboy

I'm no longer going to throat-punch my anger management coaches.


If you tell me you will no longer beat the Gunthers I'm leaving.



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 10:42 AM
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originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: DBCowboy

I'm no longer going to throat-punch my anger management coaches.


If you tell me you will no longer beat the Gunthers I'm leaving.


I will always beat the Gunthers. I'm management.



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 11:02 AM
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a reply to: DBCowboy

Yeah, about that farting loudly you do, I can hear it all the way over here in the UP.



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 11:07 AM
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a reply to: rickymouse

UP = Upper Prostate.




posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 11:10 AM
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a reply to: DBCowboy


Speaking of which, how is the old grapefruit doing?



posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 11:41 AM
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a reply to: DBCowboy






posted on Jan, 1 2019 @ 12:12 PM
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originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus
a reply to: DBCowboy


Speaking of which, how is the old grapefruit doing?


I once tried to tie my own shoes and didn't stop crying for 2 days.





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