Story - Loving the Threes.

[note: Sorry the whole thing is one big gimmick. It began as a writing exercise. ]


Listen to me. I am troubled. Upset with life. It�s this thing. My special problem. I am alone. That�s not it. Lonliness, I mean. It�s something else. I am unique. A true individual. I think threes. Three word thoughts. All the time. Never anything else.

I watch people. I hear conversations. I count words. So many words. I love them! I eat out. I ride buses. I enjoy listening. I love words. I love thoughts. Especially long thoughts. Thoughts without restrictions.

I like supermarkets. Lots of people. No interaction required. Everyone is quiet. Quiet like me. Shopping in solitude. Supermarkets are comfortable. I feel normal. Just another person. Another normal shopper.

***
I have dreams. To think normally. To speak normally. To be normal. I hate myself. I can�t communicate. Not with family. Not with friends. I really try. I just can�t. But I hope. I have faith. One day maybe. Maybe I�ll improve. Become a person. A normal person. Whatever that is. Whatever I�m not. That is normal. Whatever I�m not.

Days blur together. There�s no beginning. There�s no end. Just these threes. The neverending threes. I hit snooze. I roll over. I get up. I get dressed. I watch TV. I like television. Anything with talking. Anything with words.

I don�t work. I can�t work. Nobody needs me. Someone like me. A handicapped person. I think threes. My useless brain! My useless life! I need meaning. Must find meaning. My point here. Tell me, God! Why create me?

I consider suicide. Not too often. The Death Thought. It never lasts. Still, it�s tempting. I�m in Hell. This is Hell. The infinite threes. My personal Hell. So I consider. I consider death. But not often.

I want life. I know that. I seek life. Death is quitting. I seek peace. A normal life. I�d enjoy that. Is that selfish? Am I wrong?

I hear voices. Sometimes they question. How dare you? Who are you? You�re a nobody. Don�t question fate. Just accept it. Accept your uniqueness.

I smile sometimes. At the voices. Ruled by threes. Just like me. Everything in threes.

But they�re right. Those damned voices. They make sense. Who am I? I�m so arrogant. Questioning God�s plan. Cursing my fate. Maybe I�m special. A true individual. God�s brilliant experiment. Man of Threes. Made with reason. Purposely designed different. But for what? To do what? There�s no answer.

***
I�m a mistake. Maybe that�s it. Maybe something happened. I was dropped. That might be. Dropped in infancy. A fatal bump. Socially fatal, anyway. Potential happiness destroyed. How incredibly tragic. What is happy? What is normal? What is belonging? I�ve never known. I am alone. Part of nothing. I belong nowhere.
Yet I�m here. A lonely outsider. The worst kind. Given no chance. Given the threes. The #ing threes. I hate this! I can�t communicate. Making myself understood. It isn�t possible. Searching for words. Three little words. Thoughts in pieces. The effort involved.

People give up. They stop listening. I�m a moron. Or a retard. Maybe it�s worse. Maybe I�m schizo. Some crazy psycho. But I�m not. I�m just different. Everyone is different. Isn�t that true?

Yeah, maybe so. But the threes. They haunt me. I see others. They�re not different. They�re all alike. Only I�m different. And so alone.

***
To have someone. Someone who understands. Is that terrible? I want somebody. Is that wrong? Should I not? Love myself first. Is that necessary? Because I don�t. I just can�t. These damn threes. What�s to love? How can I? How could anyone? I am cursed. But what if?

I want love. I want someone. Someone with me. Someone to love. To say things. Three little words. I Love You. I understand that. Even the threes. They can love. Everyone can love.

Listen to me. Love�s the answer. Everyone needs love. I need love. But I�m okay. Really, I am. I have faith. I�ll find it. I�ll find someone. Someone who understands. Who loves me. I�ll speak threes. Three little words. Someone will answer. I love you. I will understand. Three simple words. I love you. I�ll be alright. Hearing those words. Those three words. I love you. Finally I will. I�ll love myself. Accept my uniqueness. Accept the threes. And love them. Love the threes.


-sm/02

[Edited on 6-7-2003 by quango]

Very cool story!

Very interesting way to look at someones life. Thank you very much!

thats really clever and very different. I love stuff that is unique