Where to go from here..

How do you find a new passion, when all your passions are unatanable, as well as your career and ambitions have gone?

I really dont want to go through the story again so long story short. I am on the heart transplant list.

Im 36
My career - i will never be able to do again

All my passions i cant and never will be able to do again.

Altitude Climbing - nope

Wanted to travel to multiple locations and volunteer to help protect the wildlife, rhinos (the green army) most. Nope.

Those were my 2 main passions, climbing, and environment and wildlife conservation.

I also love history but due to my brain being a mess due to the coma i literally CANT learn... i lasted a semester and left because i just couldnt hold anything...so i couldnt even change careers.

So my passions are gone, now and post transplant. I can never work in my job again now or post transplant. I cant train for a new career or back to school because my brain is shot.

I always wanted a kid. But its a tricky thing. If i have a hereditary test and there is a chance i can pass my weird condition on, he/she would have ro declair it and wont get life insurance. If i dont get the test and he devlops it i would be the worst parent ever....

So i ask you guys, if you were in this situation...whar would you do

a reply to: Ghostsinthefog

I would not admit defeat.
There are ways to work around whatever condition you are dealing with (sorry I do not know your personal saga, although I do recognize your screen name).

Keep fighting for what you want.
Just my advice

a reply to: Ghostsinthefog

Oh stop. It's so easy to become a hero:



All you have to do is choose to participate, fight some dragon, experience some kind of spiritual death, and then return back to where you started as a transformed soul. The bigger the dragon, the bigger the transformation!

a reply to: Ghostsinthefog

Become a parent. It's the best most rewarding thing I've ever done in my life by a million times over!

Giving birth will transform your soul!!!

a reply to: Ghostsinthefog

I think you are hero just for posting your thoughts. Keep the faith, it's all we can ever do in the face of dealing with all our own imperfections.

a reply to: Ghostsinthefog

I feel your pain in a way. I myself have a certain affliction that will slowly eat away at me. I can’t have kids and will end up with cancer most likely in a few years. Life sometimes sucks but do what makes you happy now.
I spend my time around my family as much as possible. I also come up with stupid but awesome hobbies. Like my Star Wars collection and my collection of die cast early 1900’s toys. Those keep me happy.
Don’t beat yourself up.

I guess, to be frank, I would get into alcoholism... Not an advice by the way...

There are people specialized in finding out what your talents are, combined with what you are still able to do and what you like doing. I’m not sure what the English title would be, maybe something like a re-integration coach? My situation is not nearly as severe as yours, but I had help like that and it got me a new life. It took some adaption, but succes in new things makes them grow on you. Don’t be afraid of what you don’t know yet, see it as an opportunity!

I hope you get well soon and find yourself a new life with happiness and all!

a reply to: Ghostsinthefog

I really empathise with your situation and feel you may be feeling a bit defeated by your condition which is totally understandable.
Remember to take one step at a time and try not to look too far ahead - sometimes we need to reframe what our lives are and what we thought they would be.

Climbing, for now , might well be out of the question but who knows when you receive the transplant and after all the rehabilitation this could be something to drive you so that sometime in the future you can climb again.

Conservation and environment wise, although you feel you can’t hold information at the moment, you can obviously write well so could you do some research or write papers / articles or something similar, taking things at your own pace?
This way you’d be at least taking part and contributing to the subject you are passionate about?!

I don’t know your story but your brain and capacity for retention may be limited now but is this something you could work on improving gradually with brain training or similar? It sounds like you’ve been through huge stress and trauma which is naturally going to affect you In many ways but this isn’t necessarily permanent and you may be able to improve your function, physical and mental, in time.

Easy to say, but try to reshape your goals to fit in with your passions but maybe in a different way, just for now. Take a breath and don’t look too far ahead, this is where you are now but it won’t be forever. You are capable of amazing things x

L x

I think we have to develop new interests, ones that we can do. I've had two renal transplants. I've lost my career, my dog, travel, etc. My new interests are euro boardgaming and rescuing the wild beings in my own backyard: feral cats via TNR and finding homes when possible. I also look forward to the next life. I am only a stranger here; my real home is with Christ. This isn't all there is.

Regarding ability to learn: do you know, with 100 percent certainty, that your mental abilities won't improve post transplant? Perhaps there is some hope that they will? I think it might! How can our brains not work better when vital organ function improves?

On having children: can you find out how likely it is to be passed on without having the test? In other words, do 90 percent of people with X pass it on, or only 10 percent? How many people with this genetic profile actually go onto to have problems? That might provide the answer to your dilemma. If the answers to those questions are something like, "10 percent" and "not many", I'd just go ahead and have kids. I wouldn't tell them because it would nix insurance possibilities, and a lack of good insurance can result in getting maimed or dead. If you find out there's a high chance--whether through studies or testing--what about adoption?

It's a lot of loss, but there is life on the other side of transplantation. It will come to you if you keep trying and take it one day at a time. Focus on the small pleasures that are still available to most of us while you wait.

Dear friend that I don't know,

There may be sarcasm or edginess in my writing but if so, it's satirical. I have passions too. I'm 36 even though people think I'm 26 without fail.

I was lower middle class until my Mother, a career nurse, married an Aerospace Engineer that worked for DoD when I was 16. Then I had an upper-middle class life in the most expensive neighborhood in my city, until 2008. Financial crash something mortgage whatever. I was naively ignorant to that part of life.

So, all of my grandiose, quixotic goals that I formed from being in an environment where I had mostly comfortable, almost luxurious free time (compared to a realistic account of what I earn) I eventually had to let go with age. Not from a medical condition, but from situational reality.

I found my parents deceased years apart of course, yada yada, etc etc.

When I descended and adjusted to life without all of the extra we take for granted unless we're paying the bill (good food even at home, wifi, cable tv, possibly a nice environment I didn't pay for), my scope changed into something more pertinent or realistic to my life. I'm not going to be a politician or a wealthy businessman even though both are in my blood. The odds are against me ever owning my own restaurant. I could make that my #1 goal until I pass away whether I acheive it or not but.. it's not that serious.

I hate to be a downer but I'm not being one either, it's in your perspective how you interpret it. You'll probably never make it to Africa to protect endangered rhinos in the jungles and shrublands while fighting off Malaria, but that's quite alright. There's other people to do that and not that many are required for the task. If they go extict, it wont be because of people trying to go against and fight nature. They used to be plentiful, thousands of years ago. The problem is that they hardly procreate and there's few left. Call it Mother Nature.

I don’t always agree with you but love you thoughts here on ATS. The good you can do for wildlife ( even God forbid your bed ridden) is incredible. Sometimes new and exciting passions come when we least expect it. We have a saying in recovery ‘fake it till you make it’ one constant in life is nothing stays the same, you are a blessing.....peace and prayers...

a reply to: Ghostsinthefog

I'm so sorry to hear about your health problems. Recommendations will all sound somewhat hollow, but it sounds like you still have curiosity. You want new passions- that's a good thing. ❤

Would you be able to take up gardening, even in pots on your porch? I started with milkweed 4 years ago, and got my first monarch last summer. Plants have made my life so rich. A little water, and they give you beauty.

Are you interested in birding? The apps Merlin and inaturalist, along with some old Audubon books, have opened up the world of birds for me. Even if you learn with difficulty, it's still a thrill to put a name to what you see.

Keep your curiosity. Only the best wishes to you.

Sounds like a terrible situation. I have some medical issues myself. I have Marfans syndrome, which is a connective tissue disorder. I'm legally blind without my glasses & have a higher risk of my retinas detaching. I've had 2 twelve hour back surgeries to correct scoliosis and a couple slipped disks when I was In middle school. I was layed up in bed for 6 months after each surgery for what was supposed to be one's most physically active years of their life. @ 6 years ago while working on my boat I had an aortic aneurism. I now have a dacron aorta & a mechanical heart valve, which requires me to be on warfarin/coumadin (literally rat poison) for the rest of my life. I can say I'm glad to still be here & that the greatest gift we all have is life.

My advice to you is to try to stay positive to focus on only the positive aspects of your life. Like life itself. You can still be an activist online on forums like this or on social media platforms. We are lucky we have things like TV, virtual reality and video games in todays day/age. Use these things to your advantage. There are whole virtual worlds online to participate in.

a reply to: Ghostsinthefog

I've had to go through this very thing. It isn't easy, and at least with me, I deeply miss a lot of the activities regardless.

But, it required a lot of trial and error with stuff I always thought was interesting or cool, but never really got into it.

That's all pretty specific to the individual, but for me it ended up being everything from inventing to guitars. ETA: Along the same lines, actively pursue trying new things. You never know which one will grab your interest when it comes to actually doing it.

Taking lots of breaks is important with any of it though. Not only does it prevent overdoing things, it gives a more realistic measure of what you can do. I generally do half an hour on, half an hour off. Its tough, because I can't get lost in what I'm doing, but I can still do those activities and I think that's more important.

Podcasts. Listen to any and all podcasts that discuss things that sound even remotely interesting to you. Maybe you won’t retain much, maybe you will, maybe you’ll find a new passion in the process.

a reply to: Ghostsinthefog

I'm not going to BS you with half-assed sentiments you could find by googling 'motivational quotes.' 36 is young!

Everything you understand is processed by the lump of jelly in your skull. You'll have good moods and bad ones and they dictate how you view your place in the world. Your perspective doesn't change the world at all, but changing your perspective profoundly changes the way you interact with it.

There was a member, Woodwardjnr, who fought to overcome brain tumours and lost. You might have just missed him with your join date. He was able to find a degree of peace by listening to people like Alan Watts and I've found a certain amount of comfort from listening to him too. Each to their own.

My point is we can't always control what happens to us in life and life certainly doesn't give a hoot for everyone's happiness. No #s given is Nature's mantra. What we can do is be open to challenges and to welcome new ways of seeing our lives.

Those were my 2 main passions, climbing, and environment and wildlife conservation.

There are people working in their own neighbourhoods to support wildlife conservation and the local environment. Truth is almost all of them are doing it without any glamour or renown. Anonymous people deliver meals to isolated old folk and others work anonymously to help the depressed in society. I know of climbers who have lost limbs and they still get out there and follow their passion. I also know adults with serious brain injuries who continue to be out in nature.

This can be either a lull in your life or the rest of your life.

a reply to: Ghostsinthefog

There are ways to get involved in wildife conservation and husbandry that do not involve having to play eco-warrior. For example, there are species who depend on responsible husbandry through the aquarium hobby. Some of them are not especially pretty fish, but many have interesting behaviors that make them well worth the effort to learn about a keep.

I have kept and passed on offspring from a couple redlist fish (they were captive bred) in the past making sure to pass them on and keep their genetics pure. They were from lakes in Africa facing habitat destruction - not the big ones like Tanganyika or Malawi, but smaller ones most will never hear of unless they get deep into the hobby.

Just because fish and herps aren't the big, sexy poster children doesn't mean they aren't worth preserving, and there are many ways it can be done.

a reply to: Serdgiam

I wanted to add on something which was a tough lesson for me personally.

I would advise great caution when trying to do something you did before, but in another capacity or aspect. Especially if you have done it to the point of building habits.

For one, those habits will need to change. That's not so bad, but coupled with the environment, you are in a situation where you are not only constantly reminded of how things used to be, but also how much more limited things are now.

For me, it was vehicles and racing. I could no longer go for track time, but figured there were still plenty of things to do (and there were). However, absolutely everything served as a constant reminder of a different life. This led to everything from feelings of sadness to profound loss, even though the intent was to avoid, or even eliminate those things.

All that said, finding something to be passionate about may be the most important thing that can be done in these circumstances. It can take a while, and be frustrating, but it is very much worth it.

Since others have already given the same advice that I would have, I will just say that I wish you the very best and give you a hug.