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Derek Darkly Raps Again...

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posted on Nov, 27 2018 @ 06:22 PM
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Mmm.. guess I'm still Chaotic Neutral,
And while society's been neutered
I gotta be truthful...
Yeah, I used to be more youthful
And if they messed wit' me
They'd get a tooth pulled
I was like a caged bull
Ready to gore a fool
But I stopped and reminisced
About past consequence
And suddenly it all made sense;
Imaginary boundaries
Are the only true fence
But if you must dispense
With modern ignorance
Then let me give you my two cents...

If ur scared and uptight
Find it hard to sleep at night
Then you ain't livin' life right
Cause life ain't a fight

Ya see, your SOUL is SHINING BRIGHT
So "Smile on ya brother,
Everybody get together"
But f*** all them other mother f****rs
Just cause they had whore mothers
Don't mean u gotta be smothered!

Less poetic at the end, no? LoL

outsky!







edit on 27-11-2018 by DeReK DaRkLy because: i blame the vodka... vokda accepts penalty... that's all




posted on Nov, 27 2018 @ 06:28 PM
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a reply to: DeReK DaRkLy

You got some interesting ideas there man, I'm trying to find what kind of flow to put to this. The end leaves a bit to be desired to be honest, I think you can evoke more emotion by using different words.

Thanks for posting



posted on Nov, 27 2018 @ 06:28 PM
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a reply to: DeReK DaRkLy
Sorry double post.
edit on 27-11-2018 by threeeyesopen because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 27 2018 @ 06:35 PM
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a reply to: threeeyesopen


Hmm... but is the real issue, perhaps, that I left you (the reader) wanting more? Wanting a clever or happy conclusion?
(IS THERE a happy conclusion to existence? Or is that a matter of opinion like most other things?)

There always seem to be more unanswerable questions than conclusive answers, IMO. =)(



posted on Nov, 27 2018 @ 06:45 PM
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a reply to: DeReK DaRkLy

Whoa that turned deep really quick..you wouldn't happen to be smo...oh wait I can't talk about that substance here lol.

You did leave me wanting to hear more, I'd like to see what you could do in cleaning up those verses bit. Every gem is rough until its polished.

My opinion is that music is the essence of what makes life worthwhile.
edit on 27-11-2018 by threeeyesopen because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 27 2018 @ 06:53 PM
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a reply to: threeeyesopen

Clean up my verses? I love it! =D
Ok, let's make a deal, Monty "Python" Hall. LoL
I clean up my verses, after you clean up the Universe(s). ;-)

Life is not always clean, bro. It's "gritty" at best.
(See my other posts, if u can't feel me.)

Respect.



posted on Nov, 27 2018 @ 07:14 PM
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a reply to: DeReK DaRkLy

Lol I thought you might like that, I'm working on that cleaning up the universe thing


I feel you brother, the grind is where I found what I was capable of. I'll check out that post for sure, peace.




posted on Nov, 27 2018 @ 07:17 PM
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a reply to: threeeyesopen

I like a good compromise. U got it daddy!




posted on Nov, 27 2018 @ 11:57 PM
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Personally, cursewords and derogatory slang in music don't bother me in the slightest in terms of offensiveness.
A few years back I used to co-create with a very talented amateur(by choice)rapper, I'd get a twisted metal/scorch atmospheric groove going on my guitar over a funk/triphop breakbeat he'd programmed and he was never short of some catchy, hectic but deep stream of conciousness rhymes to spit on top, sometimes we'd journey to some dark, violent but ultimately positive places and somehow it worked.
I really miss those days, sadly he was manic depressive and hes since disappeared.
He got all the recordings too.
Despite that Hip-hop in general doesn't do a lot for me but I love jamming and creating different styles and this guy Lee could really bring it.
Having said all that my only issue with your piece here is the last few lines(after a good start), not because I found it offensive but (in my opinion) but I feel that cursing and misogyny in this context can come across as lazy and can indicate a lack of imagination/fresh ideas.
You'll find those same insults used pretty much word for word on countless suburban/subnormal wannabe "gangster" efforts at mediocrity and judging by your intro verse you do have the talent/ability to rise above the excrement.
Anyway I'm sure you wouldn't have shared that with us if you couldn't handle honest feedback(not that my opinion is worth even half a muppets infected scrotum)but at the end of the day you should know deep in your viscera if you're truly writing at your potential or just phoning in a lazy verse of clichéd dog vomit.
Keep it up, the more humans lighting their creative fires and channeling positive consciousness from/to the *collective* the better it will ultimately be for all if us.
edit on 27-11-2018 by Osirisvset because: Don't



posted on Nov, 29 2018 @ 05:49 PM
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originally posted by: Osirisvset
Having said all that my only issue with your piece here is the last few lines(after a good start), not because I found it offensive but (in my opinion) but I feel that cursing and misogyny in this context can come across as lazy and can indicate a lack of imagination/fresh ideas.


Well, you sort of said what the other guy said, just in a more 'Shakespeareian' tone. =)

But personally, I don't post for feedback. I post because I am bored and don't care what the response is unless it's civil and halfway interesting. Also, I think that while we can critique a person by one statement or work, we should also consider his or her other 'bodies of work' like I mentioned to the first responder.

I also play guitar... I wrote this album in 1999... and there is no cursing at all.



posted on Nov, 29 2018 @ 05:55 PM
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a reply to: Osirisvset

BTW, if you think the term 'whore mothers' is misogynistic, remember than just this week we found out that the mother of the world's most prolific serial killer (Samuel Little) was a lady of the night herself. ;-)



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