posted on Aug, 29 2005 @ 11:28 PM
The Friend Zone
There is no more awful place for a young man than in the friend zone. The trick to getting out of the friend zone is to not get into it in the first
place. Sometimes this is easier said than done, but it's nicer than pining after someone who may or may not like you.
First, if you meet a girl you think is cute make it clear from the very start that you have plenty of friends already and you don't need any more.
If you go out with her and then decide to just be friends, that's cool; but never start in the friend zone, you're putting yourself at a
disadvantage right out of the gate.
For those of you who like to get to know a girl first, this is what dating is for. You will find out just as fast if you get along by dating someone
as you will by being friends with them. This is actually the whole purpose of dating, to get to know someone better.
If you start to like a girl after you are already friends with her, there are only two things you can do. Say something, or don't say something.
Let's explore these two options further:
OK, you've known this girl for a while and you've developed an attraction to her. You are going to tell her how you feel. Within the next week,
not one month, not six months and most certainly not a year. Where to start? Actually spend a little time thinking about what you want to say. Lock
your bedroom door and practice it to yourself a little bit. No one will ever know. It may sound dorky and embarrassing but it's not nearly as dorky
and embarrassing as stuttering and going 'Ummmm, Ummm' when you finally say it. Because you are only going to say this once.
You are finally alone with the girl you like. You are not under the influence of any alcohol or narcotics at the time; there should be no easy
excuses for her the next day. You spit out your blurb, and one of two things happens. Either she likes you in 'that way' or she doesn't. If she
does, mission successful; if she doesn't you have two choices, still be her friend or don't. It's up to you.
If I Go There Will Be Trouble, And If I Stay It Will Be Double
If you decide to stop hanging out with her, there is nothing wrong with that. Just say 'I don't think I would feel comfortable being around you
right now. Maybe we should stop hanging out for now.' She will most likely say that you should still be friends, but do not change your mind. This
would set a very dangerous precedent of emotional manipulation. A nice girl, one that is worth being friends with, will understand. A girl that is
not worth your time will not. You may consider being friends with the nice girl again at a later date. She may start to think of you in this way now
that you have brought the subject up, given a few years. You should never be friends with the not nice girl again, to be explained in the Staying
Friends section to follow.
What happens if you stay friends? There are three possibilities; she feels uncomfortable around you, she uses it to manipulate you, or she is mature
enough to remain your friend with no change in attitude towards you. The last one is the least likely, but the possibility does exist. The final
category is the one you may have a shot with in the future.
The Three Possibilities Explained
If she feels uncomfortable around you, the friendship will not survive. This girl is not a bad person, she feels uncomfortable because she doesn't
want to lead you on or hurt your feelings. At some time in the future, you could be friends with this girl again.
If she uses it to manipulate you, and you let her, she will always leave that slight possibility that something might happen. See this for
what it is and end the friendship now, before she takes you for whatever she can get. Or don't and become her personal assistant without the
paycheque. This is the girl that is not worth your time. Under no circumstances should you ever be friends with her again. In her mind, you will
always be that guy she can manipulate with hints of the future. She may even go so far as to interfere in future relationships you may have because
she wants all of your adoration for herself. This will most likely be under the influence of alcohol, to provide a way out after she breaks you up.
Then you will be right back at the beginning and she has even more control over you. Get away from this girl/woman the moment you recognize her.
If she is mature enough to be able to remain friends with you as before, with no changes in attitude, then you know you have a good friend. If this
is the case, the slim possibility of a future with her exists. Over time, she may begin to look at you in other ways simply because you did bring it
up. She may not have considered you this way but now the idea of it is there. The only problem with this is that when I say 'over time', I mean
over several years. And you have to go out with other girls in between so she realizes she's jealous of them. Under no circumstance should you
expect this outcome, if it happens it is because it is meant to. You can't make someone like you. It has to be her choice and she has to make the
first move at this point. You've done already your part. If she wants to know if you still feel that way, it is up to her to ask.
Not Saying Something
This is not an option. If you do this, you will never know how she feels. You may miss out on the love of your life or you could waste years on
something that may never happen. Either way, you lose.
I hope this helps you understand the intricacies of the Friend Zone.