The Deadly Debates Over Lucia’s Eulogy

The Deadly Debates Over Lucia’s Eulogy

A Comedy Macabre

They killed Lara in a feisty fistfight, more or less by accident, busting the vein on her temple and causing the brain to bleed, because she would not stop insisting that it was up to her as next half sister on mother’s side to write Lucia’s eulogy. But nobody else in the family wanted that, everybody hated her endless speeches and knew Lara would never stop talking, specially not on the occasion of reading Lucia’s eulogy, who she always had loved to analyse.

However death did not take Lara before she herself, in one of her fits of aggression, had killed her brother Dolph with her bare hands. Dolph, as the male head of the family after the departure of their parents, wanted to be named on top of the list of those morning Lucia and Lara had insisted this to be her birth right.

There was a niece Wanda, daughter of Lara, who offered to laboured over the task. But she complained too much, whinging non stop and would have blamed all tragedies on Lucia. This again was too much for the third sister Maya who in her grieve seemed to have lost her fragile mind. She shot Wanda and then shot herself.

The task of writing now fell into the lap of nephew Tobias who might have done a fair job. Being a doctor, he would have summarized Lucia’s life quite precisely to his knowledge. But at that moment Lucia’s other half sister on father’s side, Jua, arrived from Japan and promptly asserted that Tobias had never even taken time out to get to know his family other than their medical history. She further accused Tobias to have always failed to be sensitive and caring. The two reached such a peak of heated arguments that Tobias reached for a ceramic vase standing nearby and shattered it over Jua’s head. Jua died instantly. Tobias himself collapsed next to Jua on the floor with a massive heart attack and died because he could not reach his cabinet of pills. He had built his cabinet precisely in height of his chest when standing in front of it and administering the chemicals.

When Lucia’s last niece Maybelle heard of all this, she swung her long leg over her motorbike, hurried to pick up Wanda’s baby twins Jeremy and Julia, saddled one in front and one behind her, raved up the bike and drove off with a roar into the sunset. Nobody knows what happened then, nobody saw them ever again.

Needless to say that Lucia was not the only one in her family who had to go without a eulogy. As a matter of fact, Maya was the only one who was honoured by her church and only because of the fortune she had spent on candles.



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a reply to: lucia2389

Nicely done. It's scary how relatable that dysfunctional family is to me

a reply to: SprocketUK

thanks Sprocket, well, it had to be short, writing it in the last minute.

as for our families, i do hope for your sake that your relies also have their grand sides, like mine. i just hope non of mine are members here unknown to me and recognize their character.