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Personal Awareness and Healing

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posted on Nov, 18 2018 @ 07:00 PM
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not lightly, i made my decision to publish the following here.

i made this decision because of the sole reason, that i was thinking of ats while i was writing.

amongst many motions and observations i hold toward ats, there is always the one i cherish most, which is to grow above my illusionous shadows.

so once again you helped me to step further on my path into a desired direction, and for that i thank you, ats.



I wrote two letters, one to my gallbladder and one to my father. these letters now are open letters on the subject of awareness and healing.



dear gallbladder!

so i caught you out, didn’t i.

although you stood there for a long time avoiding to look me in the eye, still thinking you will have your ways. but eventually you gave in.
i can do with you what i want, you said. i can kick you around as i wish. and kicking you i did. the reason i don’t kick you too hard away is for the sole purpose to keep you close enough for me to keep kicking you, as i wish. i possess you. you are my life.

and i let you kick me because i did not know that it was you who is kicking me. diminishing me. making me sick. making me respond in ways i was not happy with. keeping me your prisoner.

finally i caught you out and put my attention on you and you started to crumble. you started to focus on yourself, your right to exist, you bragged with your power. the more you bragged and the less i interfered, the more you tuned into all of your aspects that also revealed your truly ugly face. you even committed to pity for me, to see your wicked ways and feel remorse. it is not right what i did to you. you said.

sure enough, it was not right what you did. but you won’t get me to feel compassion for you for admitting your weakness. you go as far as to admit that you deserve punishment. i can kill you, you said, if i wanted to. still casting your dirty eyes to the floor.

now you make sure to understand, yes, i will kill you! i will kill you by starvation and from there, even in your death, i will keep you under check for the rest of my life.

now you meet my eye. suddenly. mesmerised by my resolution. and the expression in your eyes tell me, i will win.

then i will transform you, dear gallbladder. you are the name giver to a system known as the gallbladder meridian, all of which you tried to sicken, the meridian of love and kindness, my domain, and you will serve me to shine my light, my specifically designed and cared for light, into the world.



dear (step)father !

you were the meanest leanest piece of human ever to treat me from a position of authority. worse than your brother. i was a child, and you blocked my sun. you were a black cloud surrounding me demanding submissive humiliation and fear in return. you were going to throw me in the rubbish container. left to suffer and to rot.

you made my life hell, and that of my revolted, crying, dying, diverted mother “who you loved so much”.

only your own children counted and you used my obscured appearance to influence them against me. to mold them. you calculator! you made me to be a worm. worse than a worm. you deliberately spit on my life and my heart.

and i felt sorry for you. all my mistreated life i felt sorry for you. i saw your background and the madness in your eyes. the madness of false perception and self-harm which you projected onto me. you thought if others see in me the hate you had for yourself and the cause of your suffering, they would also hate me and give you adoration and esteem. would hate me, the traitor from a previous love, undeserved innocence, a gorgeous child as your brother, the child molester, put it.

i felt so sorry for you and i had a soft spot for you in my heart. you never noticed. until your last breath you manipulated my loved ones to give you unearned respect. even from your grave your poisoned arrows came flying toward me. but they do not find their mark anymore.

time was on my side and now you are recognized by all your children for what you did to a lost child needing love, care, direction, education, protection. not that the others would care now. they talk themselves into keeping you in their well needed loving memories nevertheless.

now you admit that you would have never thought, it will be just you and me at the end.

now you ask me for forgiveness. can you forgive me, you said.

i look into the distance. nearly distracted by the beauty of branches and leaves swaying in a mild soothing breeze. there is so much i could tell you. about my feelings in my heart for you. then i shake my head.

it seems i can’t respond appropriately to love standing right in front of me.

i need to soften my own strength to feel strong again.

i need more healing.




posted on Nov, 18 2018 @ 07:31 PM
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a reply to: lucia2389

Maybe your gall bladder illness has nothing to do with your attitude about it.

In terms of your father, you parents owe you nothing. You are responsible for ALL your own needs. Your parents are just doing the best they can with parents they had.

If someone save your life right before you about to be killed by a bus you would be very thankful. Just remember, your parents gave you your life. You should be thankful for everything they've done. Yeah, they were not perfect parents. But you know how to get want you want is to want what you have.



posted on Nov, 18 2018 @ 07:59 PM
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Am I getting this right? Are you saying because of ATS you are writing a letter to your gallbladder, discussing how it has treated you?

No, we did not make you abnormal that way, that is all on you.


The crazy you get from here is much different than talking to your gallbladder.

I tend to swear at my body parts when they start to give me a hastle, this whole post would be mostly like "take that you g@# D%$@ F##&& B@$&@&%"
edit on 18-11-2018 by rickymouse because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 18 2018 @ 09:30 PM
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a reply to: rickymouse

i must have expressed myself unclear.

i posted this on ats because ats helped me often to find myself less ignorant, widening my horizon. surely not my specific way, but the attest of changing and growing, i thought, is of value to share. so i posted it in gratitude.



posted on Nov, 18 2018 @ 09:37 PM
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The gall - representing bitterness and resentment - that you have for your step father is manifesting in your gallbladder. You're going to have to dig deep and forgive him. No excuses. You have your whole life ahead of you, don't let this resentment continue to drag you down.
edit on 18-11-2018 by cooperton because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 18 2018 @ 09:41 PM
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a reply to: dfnj2015

thank you for your words.

now that i processed a bit further, i do fully agree with you. it has been my consideration all so far, to get where i am.

the body finds ways to communicate about our blind spots. the better we can listen the easier it is to fine-tune the awareness. if we do not listen so good, like in my case, the gallbladder had an important message.

thank you again. i took your message aboard.

i find myself more comfortable within and around my skeleton. i bet my joints will improve too.


edit on 18-11-2018 by lucia2389 because: changed attitude to consideration



posted on Nov, 18 2018 @ 09:58 PM
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originally posted by: lucia2389
a reply to: rickymouse

i must have expressed myself unclear.

i posted this on ats because ats helped me often to find myself less ignorant, widening my horizon. surely not my specific way, but the attest of changing and growing, i thought, is of value to share. so i posted it in gratitude.


I was just kidding, I actually liked the gall bladder letter. Don't be spreading it around that I liked it though, otherwise someone may have proof that I am a little nuts...well, actually little is an understatement, I have a lot of OCD.



posted on Nov, 18 2018 @ 10:30 PM
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a reply to: lucia2389

Thank you for sharing and I hope it was cathartic. One point you may be interested in:

In traditional Chinese medicine all of the vital organs in the body have energetic properties and relations to other organs as well as emotions that are attached to them. When there's an imbalance whether it is the cause or the result of illness to that organ, certain emotions are usually present.

Can you guess what the emotion attached to the gall bladder is?

Anger, frustration, and resentment. 🙂

God bless.



posted on Nov, 18 2018 @ 10:39 PM
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a reply to: AgarthaSeed

it is cathartic

Anger, frustration, and resentment. 🙂 i'm working on it. i have 10,000 volt of attention focused on those issues. but also what there replacement is. love and kindness.



posted on Nov, 18 2018 @ 10:43 PM
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a reply to: rickymouse

oh i'm so gullible. breaking my fingers constructing sentences unneeded

it is all chemicals that can be changed. a lets always enjoy a bit of craziness.



posted on Nov, 18 2018 @ 10:51 PM
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originally posted by: lucia2389
a reply to: rickymouse

oh i'm so gullible. breaking my fingers constructing sentences unneeded

it is all chemicals that can be changed. a lets always enjoy a bit of craziness.


Yeah, the supplement taurine might be able to help control gallstones but often cannot help after the gallbladder is all messed up. Lemon juice and apple cider vinegar can also help mild gallbladder problems. If it gets badly infected or totally blocked, it may need to be removed. Taurine is a constituent of normal bile and it has properties that stops cholesterol from bonding tightly, so it keeps the fluid moving, We get it from meat and it is a conditional Amino acid so we can make it and use it as long as we have adequate sulfite oxidase in our bodies. Strongly bonded taurine in prepared foods is hard to utilize sometimes. A decent diet lowers risk of gallbladder problems.

I ramble on about off topic stuff a lot.



posted on Nov, 18 2018 @ 10:53 PM
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originally posted by: cooperton
The gall - representing bitterness and resentment - that you have for your step father is manifesting in your gallbladder. You're going to have to dig deep and forgive him. No excuses. You have your whole life ahead of you, don't let this resentment continue to drag you down.


thank you copperton.

i was in the emergency with 18 because of my gallbladder. the doctor asked what the matter was, i said it was my father. he wanted me back for observation, but i was to go away on a holiday anyway, to escape my father. the doctor approved and equipped me with a letter of referral. off course the symptoms were soon gone with lighter distraction.

i always thought i cured it then and there. i did not dream of it to suspect the gallbladder for the symptoms that turned out to be the first messages from the gallbladder.

its also the imagined possible opportunities i grieve. a step i have to go through and replace it with gratitude for myself being who i am.

no excuses!



posted on Nov, 18 2018 @ 10:56 PM
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i would have preferred to post in a psychology forum. i could not find one in the forum selection.

i thought there was one, but it might have fallen asleep.

anyway, philosophy will also do, i thought.



posted on Nov, 20 2018 @ 02:47 PM
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a reply to: AgarthaSeed

Is there some list with the organs and their respective emotions ? I would be very interested to know more.



posted on Nov, 20 2018 @ 03:52 PM
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a reply to: WhiteHat

some kind of a list here



further i find it very important to know what to do, or experiment, once you are aware of which emotion corresponds to which organ.

of course that is individual. go with the flow

also i noticed that initial insights might not be the full truth to be discovered. i e.g. went through several layers of recognition. you just know when a major insight hits you in the face. the horror of it is soothed by peace following it

be sure though, it might not be the last! and it might creep up again if not unattended



posted on Nov, 21 2018 @ 09:58 PM
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a reply to: lucia2389

This is very interesting.

Not sure what to make of it yet.
Hmmmm



posted on Nov, 21 2018 @ 11:05 PM
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a reply to: lucia2389

I dunno what to say, lol.

I thought of a lot of things tho.



posted on Nov, 21 2018 @ 11:28 PM
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a reply to: lucia2389

I hope you're feeling better tonight.
Relax and rest.



posted on Nov, 22 2018 @ 01:38 AM
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a reply to: muzzleflash

muzzleflash, thank you so much for your concern.

if i wouldn't get off topic in my own thread i would tell you what else happened.

suffice to say, the catharsis ended with becoming aware of my very own macchinations which was truly a horror to do. but once understood, it is a blessing.

also interesting to know, that illusions can cause a catharsis and play a role in healing. today i got the doctor's results from the u/s> the gallbladder and everything else is ok as can be. the naturopath put me on this scare mentioning that the gallbladder meridian is out.

it leaves me still to find out where certain symptoms come from, but i have good support and help.

all in all i feel excellent again, so thankful i sorted so many family issues in a mere few days

and i wish you also all the best on your journey, and if ever you should face a down pore of emotions, face it bravely and you'll be fine sooner than later.



posted on Nov, 22 2018 @ 01:49 PM
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a reply to: lucia2389

Thank you




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