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What is your biggest flaw?

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posted on Nov, 4 2018 @ 08:15 AM
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Being able to reflect within and identify our own flaws is a great way to improve ourselves and the world around us. Look inwards, finding ways to better ourselves, and acting upon those discoveries.

Currently, I think my biggest flaw is my performance anxiety. Specifically, as it relates to testing and evaluation. It’s been an ongoing struggle for several years that I never properly addressed. It led to where it is today, which requires once a month therapy to help me learn coping mechanisms and understand where it’s all coming from.

So far we’ve narrowed it down to my 14 years in the military combined with growing up with a perfectionist father. Everything I do has to be perfect and if it’s not I critique the hell out myself as a failure. I put way to much pressure on myself to be perfect when nobody is.

My wife is discovering more and more how little her self-confidence is. She’s been reading some self-help books to identify some of the things I point out of her. Like her constantly apologizing for everything, inability to make a decision without seeking approval, or fear of trying new things. It’s a work in progress but her payoff is being seen with her job and small improvements here at home. She works for an alphabet agency, male dominated career field, and has been able to believe in herself enough to get a huge promotion and start to be more involved in areas of work she never thought she would be able to do, like child predator and serial rapist cases. I love seeing that confidence grow in her.

For her it all falls back on her upbringing. Her Dad never let her or her sisters do anything other than what the traditional female role consisted of. Even still he sits on his tail while his wife works all day (he’s retired), does all the cleaning, all the cooking, makes all the arrangements...it drives me nuts. He even makes her put his dinner plate in the microwave every time it’s not hot. Point is, that’s a woman’s role on his mind and that’s the role my wife grew up expecting to be. Obviously it’s not a self-inflicted flaw, but a flaw that she is working hard to improve upon.

So, we all have our flaws, what are yours if you care to share? Or what are some you’ve found to have but have worked to eliminate?

(I know, not conspiracy related or politically affiliated. Just a conversation is all)


edit on 4-11-2018 by Assassin82 because: (no reason given)




posted on Nov, 4 2018 @ 08:49 AM
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I only experienced performance anxiety in my youth while trying to get my driver's license and it reared it's ugly head three times during the 3X I went for testing. I never understood why being tested should alter my confidence and skill at driving, but it did.

Now, during job interviews, when I am asked to relay my flaws, I say "From vast decades of experience and talents acquired, I have addressed all my flaws and have none now" - that answer never goes over well. lol

I will say something else about flaws, one person's flaws could also be considered by others as assets. For instance, I am very outspoken with family and friends as well as strangers (as may be evident here on ATS) and some people chide me for it while others call me refreshing. It's a toss up, so I'll just be me and not make any apologies.
edit on 011CST08America/Chicago05080830 by InTheLight because: (no reason given)

edit on 011CST08America/Chicago05080830 by InTheLight because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 4 2018 @ 08:56 AM
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originally posted by: InTheLight
I only experienced performance anxiety in my youth while trying to get my driver's license and it reared it's ugly head three times during the 3X I went for testing. I never understood why being tested should alter my confidence and skill at driving, but it did.

Now, during job interviews, when I am asked to relay my flaws, I say "From vast decades of experience and talents acquired, I have addressed all my flaws and have none now" - that answer never goes over well. lol

I will say something else about flaws, one person's flaws could also be considered by others as assets. For instance, I am very outspoken with family and friends as well as strangers (as may be evident here on ATS) and some people chide me for it while others call me refreshing. It's a toss up, so I'll just be me and not make any apologies.


Indeed! One persons trash is another’s treasure. Well put. I’m of the side that’s “being outspoken is good for society”. I suppose there’s certain things that shouldn’t be said in times of sensitivity, but speaking your unfiltered truth is the way to go.

Thanks for sharing!



posted on Nov, 4 2018 @ 09:13 AM
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a reply to: Assassin82

I would not say my truth is unfiltered because I work very hard at trying to research the facts and find a common ground truth that seems, to me, to be logical and reasonable (common sense).

As for perfectionism, I too grew up with perfectionists in my family, which I now tell them that I see it as an obsessive compulsive disorder and that they should recognize it and understand it - but they resist going there, perhaps for reasons of emotional security - then so be it, I will leave them to their personal comforts, just don't think that my standards are lower than yours. To put it into perspective my wooden floors do not have to be at the point that they reflect as a mirror does, they just have to be clean.



posted on Nov, 4 2018 @ 09:43 AM
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a reply to: Assassin82

I have this pocket watch that my grandfather gave me. I rarely wind it. Instead, I hold it in front of me by the chain to test my subconscious beliefs. I tell myself that if the watch swings forward or backward, it means yes/true; if the watch swings right or left, it means no/false. I make simple true or false statements about my beliefs, and observe how my micro-muscle movements respond by making the watch swing. As a control test, I can state something that I know to be true or false (like stating my actual name vs a fake name), and the watch will reflect the appropriate answer.

While I knew that it's better to seek the truth than it is to be right all the time, I found that I subconsciously rejected that idea; so after testing myself, I just started telling myself, that its better to seek the truth than it is to be right. After about 5-15 minutes of affirming the statement, I found that the watch changed directions.

I make all sorts of subtle changes like this. I've only been doing this for a few weeks, but the "affirmations" do seem to be changing my personality very gradually. It is much easier to change your habits if you change your subconscious belief system first. I also do this with Bible verses too. For example,

"I treat others as I would have them treat me."
"I forgive others as I God has forgiven me."
"I seek first the kingdom of God, therefore all my needs will me supplied to me."
"All things are possible to those who believe."
"I delight in the Lord, therefore He will give me the desire of my heart."

I think it really works. Other's will write it off as the placebo effect, but that's kind of the point, isn't it? I'm starting a new job tomorrow, and I actually feel pretty excited about it. That was never my typical response going into a new job.


edit on 4-11-2018 by BELIEVERpriest because: typos



posted on Nov, 4 2018 @ 11:18 AM
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Crippling levels of empathy have pretty much ruined my life.



posted on Nov, 4 2018 @ 11:38 AM
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Procrastination. I can procrastinate with the best of 'em, it's bitten me in the ass a number of times.
edit on 11/4/2018 by Nyiah because: Also, not checking for typpos before I hit 'submit'.

edit on 11/4/2018 by Nyiah because: See what I mean? I even typoed 'typo'. I'm leaving it to make my point.



posted on Nov, 4 2018 @ 12:24 PM
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originally posted by: Nyiah
Procrastination. I can procrastinate with the best of 'em, it's bitten me in the ass a number of times.


Yeah, procrastination can be a personal terror. Usually I can sniff it out before it becomes an issue. But everyonce in awhile it still comes up to the surface.



posted on Nov, 4 2018 @ 12:24 PM
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originally posted by: wheresthebody
Crippling levels of empathy have pretty much ruined my life.


Mind me asking how so?



posted on Nov, 4 2018 @ 05:42 PM
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Introversion on an epic scale with all its attendant offenses!

Sal

a reply to: Assassin82



posted on Nov, 4 2018 @ 07:22 PM
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Lack of empathy towards other humans, get along great with critters however.
I don’t often think of how my actions translate to others.

Struggled with substance abuse for years trying to bury my emotions.
All better now, but I couldn’t have done it without the loving and supportive wife i have to help show me they way and the finer things in life.

a reply to: Assassin82



posted on Nov, 5 2018 @ 12:30 AM
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At this point...birth seems to have been my biggest flaw. Had that not have transpired.. then all of the residual flaws achieved thus far in life would not exist.

As above...



posted on Nov, 5 2018 @ 12:38 AM
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The Human Condition.



posted on Nov, 5 2018 @ 03:55 AM
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originally posted by: SallieSunshine
Introversion on an epic scale with all its attendant offenses!

Sal

a reply to: Assassin82



I can relate to that. I’m probably more of an ambiovert, but often times the introvert in me prevents me from meeting new people or enjoying some fun social events. It seems every time I read the news the introvert gives me this smug look of ...”see man, I keep tellin ya...you don’t want to be out dealing with that crazy world out there”.

I think what I dislike most about introversion is how tired I am after socializing with people. The amount of energy it takes to mingle with people is something I legit have to factor into my plans. I hate that.

But at the same time, I enjoy the introvert parts of me. Society can bore me and frustrate me and I’m glad I don’t have to rely on it heavily to get by. I like that I can spend a week in the woods by myself and not go crazy. I like many aspects of it.



posted on Nov, 5 2018 @ 04:04 AM
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originally posted by: Athetos
Lack of empathy towards other humans, get along great with critters however.
I don’t often think of how my actions translate to others.

Struggled with substance abuse for years trying to bury my emotions.
All better now, but I couldn’t have done it without the loving and supportive wife i have to help show me they way and the finer things in life.

a reply to: Assassin82



Right on man! Finding a rock to keep us grounded in life a great thing to have. I’m glad you were able to find yours.

I’ve always enjoyed alcohol, but never used for anything other than a social barrier to help me relax and do something with people. I recently had a bit of bad luck I suppose where a major life event didn’t go my way. It’s the first time I’ve ever used alcohol, or anything for that matter, to numb the pain. I get it...a glass of whiskey or two does help. I’ve dabbled in other types of cognitive escapes in the past and if I could (can’t because of my wife’s job), I probably would reach for something a little extra to help me out a little more. Countless times I’ve wished I could smoke a little bit of the devils lettuce to ease my mind.

What is it your wife does that helps keep you grounded? Mine can make me want to pull my hair out at times, but I wouldn’t trade her for the world. She knows me, gets me, and let’s me be me. But also knows how to steer me back if I’m overwhelmed or stressed out.



posted on Nov, 5 2018 @ 04:19 AM
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originally posted by: UberL33t
At this point...birth seems to have been my biggest flaw. Had that not have transpired.. then all of the residual flaws achieved thus far in life would not exist.

As above...


Hey, you’re a part of the ATS family. I’d say to all of us you’re a blessing.

Everyone matters, every life, a journey. We don’t always get the easy path to walk but damnit if it doesn’t give us perspective and experience to grow off of.

All flaws can be overcome. Ya know, my family has a bit of an anger problem. My brother, my dad, my grandfather...all of them had a short fuse and an internal rage within them. Dad has eased up with time, my brother had two kids calm his soul. I’ve felt that, I’ve been on the brink of exploding and lashing out at the world.

I never wanted that to be a part of what defined me. I used my dads cussing and yelling and my brothers rage as reference points. I found exercise to be a great physical release; like a pressure valve to balance out my emotions. Point is it could have been a terrible flaw. I’m grateful I was able to find a way around it. There’s always a way to beat them, even if it’s just altering your perspective or trying new/different things. Il not a psychologist, just speaking from knowledge and experience.

Be well, my friend. Our flaws can be overcome. Like peeling an onion, layer by layer. We can all overcome.



posted on Nov, 5 2018 @ 04:24 AM
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originally posted by: Lysergic
The Human Condition.


The human condition is "the characteristics, key events, and situations which compose the essentials of human existence, such as birth, growth, emotionality, aspiration, conflict, and mortality.”

That’s some heavy stuff!



posted on Nov, 5 2018 @ 06:45 AM
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Thanks friend, I do enjoy booze and still do coming from acholoic lineage I learned early about how I never wanted to behave because I had two good examples of who i didn’t want to become. I fell for other substances the lettuce as you put it at first all day every day but soon I turned to the devils dust.

a reply to: Assassin82



posted on Nov, 5 2018 @ 09:21 AM
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originally posted by: Nyiah
Procrastination. I can procrastinate with the best of 'em, it's bitten me in the ass a number of times.


I want to procrastinate but I keep putting it off.



My biggest flaw is that I am a train wreck of imperfection.



posted on Nov, 5 2018 @ 09:51 AM
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a reply to: DBCowboy

Aren't we all train wrecks of imperfection? Some are just really good at pretending they're not.




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