Bit of advice please, about formal dinner stuff

Ever since i remember i had friends over but it is always like they come in and we play games or music and talk and stuff, have some drinks, pizza or whatever other food we want at that time

But today as we were planning to go on a weekend trip a friend called from the US and said he was going to come by tomorrow Saturday, he is older and like a very formal person, well dressed and works as a computer engineer and other stuff, so he's like an older but not too much difference in age but still on a different way

So i just realized i don't have a clue how to go about hosting someone for a more formal dinner, like what should be served, should we go about having nice food instead of just normal stuff, should we have a formal dinner with nice plates and stuff?

Also, he has his wife coming along, i don't know how they should be received at all, i'm lacking on this a lot and i did not think about it before ever so i just came to realize it now :S

Are there any guides or somewhere to see current US customs about how to handle a formal dinner for someone who has to be respected more than a normal friend your own age?

If someone can help me please, i don't know anything about this but i want to do things the right way, like having all the food as it should be, the table ready with the things where they are supposed to be, nice plates and what drinks should be offered first and later on? First course and then the main course? I'm lost right now and pressure is just adding up in a dumb way making me lose it even more

They are from Texas by the way, if that helps. Any advice on how to make them feel at home would be really appreciated?

Thank you in advance, i know this may seem dumb but i really looked on the web and could not find something useful at this time. But i know there are several people here who handle it the right way and i just wanted to know if you can share some of your tricks to make a dinner be worth and special

a reply to: BoneSay

Do you think he's going to come dressed as in jacket and tie? If not, then I would say just plan on setting your table with decent plates and silverware in the proper place and decent drink tumblers.

Plan on a main course and a couple side dishes, possible a dessert. It doesn't have to be extremely fancy.

I have a bone-in pork shoulder roast recipe that's super simple, but you would have to start prepping it tonight because it seasons and sits overnight, then you roast it low and slow for about five hours with a final hour to crisp the outside up. It never fails though and it's super awesome. Serve it up on a green salad of mustard greens, apple, carrot and the roast drippings get mixed with cider vinegar and boiled down on the stove top for a roast glaze/dressing.

Then you just really need one more side, maybe two, but a frozen veggie would take care of one of those. And your dessert.

a reply to: BoneSay

Just be authentic and relaxed.

What's your favorite meal that you prepare at home when you're celebrating something special? Do that.

Don't worry about courses or plates. An appetizer, main course and dessert covers it. Have non alcoholic beverages, diet and regular, and beer and wine. Red is most likely a good choice with most meals, unless you're doing fish.

Have sparkling water too.

In the end, they aren't going to remember the dinner over the company they had with you.

Be happy they're your guest and enjoy that time with them. It will be great!

originally posted by: ketsuko
a reply to: BoneSay

Do you think he's going to come dressed as in jacket and tie? If not, then I would say just plan on setting your table with decent plates and silverware in the proper place and decent drink tumblers.

Plan on a main course and a couple side dishes, possible a dessert. It doesn't have to be extremely fancy.

I have a bone-in pork shoulder roast recipe that's super simple, but you would have to start prepping it tonight because it seasons and sits overnight, then you roast it low and slow for about five hours with a final hour to crisp the outside up. It never fails though and it's super awesome. Serve it up on a green salad of mustard greens, apple, carrot and the roast drippings get mixed with cider vinegar and boiled down on the stove top for a roast glaze/dressing.

Then you just really need one more side, maybe two, but a frozen veggie would take care of one of those. And your dessert.

From past times he does get dressed well and it's always like very formal in talking and treating other people like that, i don't even remember a single time when i saw him in shorts or pants and he always wears good stuff. He comes visiting after like 4 or 5 years since last time i saw him so i'm not really sure but i don't think he will be like wearing jeans and stuff like that

There is someone who can help me cook it, could you share the recipe? I'm not very good at that but i know a lady who is very good and she's willing to help at this time

thanks for your advice

a reply to: BoneSay

There are rules on etiquette. But they are rarely followed these days.
I'm surprised you canceled your weekend get away to accommodate an uninvited friend.

Let your past interactions, guide how the night will work.
How have you and this individual interacted in the past?
Do you know what kind of foods they enjoy?

Where are you from as you specify this couple is from the US and Texas?

If they are from Texas you don't have to be too fancy. Put a roast in the oven, make some mashed potatoes with a vegetable like asparagus, broccoli, or roasted garlic Brussel sprouts. Dinner rolls are important(make sure butter is available on a side dish). What ever beverages you like, if you want to keep it simple choose a couple bottles of a nice red wine. Look up plate and silverware placement, add some water glasses and you are good. Buy or make a delicious dessert to top it off.

a reply to: BoneSay

Formal dinner either means you are sitting down for a military mess dinner or you are sitting down for something 'formal' like a wedding, or some sort of major event.
Although this is an 'event' it's no where near like above, and does not need the multiple spoons, forks, and four crystal ware drinking vessels, with three plates, and a possible soup bowl.

These people are from Texas, and are probably humble at that, like most people. So treat them to a humble meal, set down a water glass, wine glass, and have proper beer glasses and cocktail glasses ready just in case, serve water out of a jug on the table, and at least minimum a knife fork, and if soup is on the menu a soup spoon, make sure there is a dinner plate and side plate, and a proper napkin, not a piece of paper towel. Done.

For dinner just make a home cooked meal, without getting into the multi course meal a roast or a stew would be nice for this time year, have some sides and have a bottle or two of wine to pair with the meal, and a side or two. Follow with a humble desert, pie is always nice, and offer tea / coffee, or any spirits or liquors you have, shortly after serving the desert.
Honestly, if you're hosting someone, and it's not fast food or frozen pizza, a home cooked meal is good enough.

originally posted by: randomtangentsrme
a reply to: BoneSay

There are rules on etiquette. But they are rarely followed these days.
I'm surprised you canceled your weekend get away to accommodate an uninvited friend.

Let your past interactions, guide how the night will work.
How have you and this individual interacted in the past?
Do you know what kind of foods they enjoy?

Where are you from as you specify this couple is from the US and Texas?

He was one of the best friends of my dad, they were like brothers, my dad died 10 years ago and this person has always been looking out for me, he even helped me when things went bad for me, they were very close and i feel like i weekend i can do any other time is not worth more than hosting them for a couple days or so

When he was visiting our home he always had whatever we prepared, but it was mostly either Russian food and/or Mexican food if while on Mexico on vacation, i don't know but i was thinking that maybe i should just prepare a Mexican traditional dinner. I am in Mexico right now by the way so it may be a good idea?

I'm from Russia but i live in Mexico since about one year ago and know it well, have been coming here on vacation since 10 years ago, every year for two months at a time

They are from Texas.

Prairie Oysters is what you should serve, they will love them.

Mashed potato with lots of cheese and bacon bits.

Other veggies to season.

Oh, and you will need to provide a place for their horse to stand. Just under a tree is good.

Oh, and have John Wayne songs in the background.

Well, that is my stereotypes done for the day!

Or

Be yourself and allow them the honor of learning about you and your culture.

P

originally posted by: Onlyyouknow
If they are from Texas you don't have to be too fancy. Put a roast in the oven, make some mashed potatoes with a vegetable like asparagus, broccoli, or roasted garlic Brussel sprouts. Dinner rolls are important(make sure butter is available on a side dish). What ever beverages you like, if you want to keep it simple choose a couple bottles of a nice red wine. Look up plate and silverware placement, add some water glasses and you are good. Buy or make a delicious dessert to top it off.

This sounds nice and easy to do, thanks for the advice, i may go with it

a reply to: BoneSay

No. Do Russian. Something you're comfortable with. Plus he can already get Mexican food since he'll be visiting there.

You've got this whatever you do.

This guy sounds like a surrogate father. He isn't there for the food. He's there for you.

Just be your authentic polite self.

originally posted by: strongfp
a reply to: BoneSay

Formal dinner either means you are sitting down for a military mess dinner or you are sitting down for something 'formal' like a wedding, or some sort of major event.
Although this is an 'event' it's no where near like above, and does not need the multiple spoons, forks, and four crystal ware drinking vessels, with three plates, and a possible soup bowl.

These people are from Texas, and are probably humble at that, like most people. So treat them to a humble meal, set down a water glass, wine glass, and have proper beer glasses and cocktail glasses ready just in case, serve water out of a jug on the table, and at least minimum a knife fork, and if soup is on the menu a soup spoon, make sure there is a dinner plate and side plate, and a proper napkin, not a piece of paper towel. Done.

For dinner just make a home cooked meal, without getting into the multi course meal a roast or a stew would be nice for this time year, have some sides and have a bottle or two of wine to pair with the meal, and a side or two. Follow with a humble desert, pie is always nice, and offer tea / coffee, or any spirits or liquors you have, shortly after serving the desert.
Honestly, if you're hosting someone, and it's not fast food or frozen pizza, a home cooked meal is good enough.

I see, maybe i just went a bit overboard lol, but my family is mostly military guys and very strict in some aspects, which i'm not really able to comply so i was never in the same sync as they are and that's why i'm lost right now, to me it was pressure like that, like someone you have to show how much you are capable and not fail in his eyes. This is how i feel right now, maybe i'm overthinking this but it makes me feel pressure and a bit scared to be honest. I have never done anything even remotely close to this

a reply to: BoneSay

Assuming you are cooking for them? If so make your best meal and leave it at that. They would appreciate it. I can't speak for all Texans but most are laid back if they are actually from TX. Even those that are upper middle class. They would never scoff as your hospitality, law of averages of course. If you are not sure a local place you like also a winner.

Maybe a Houston Astros banner or NFL Texans. They would get a kick out of it for sure. Can do no wrong with those.

originally posted by: pheonix358
They are from Texas.

Prairie Oysters is what you should serve, they will love them.

Mashed potato with lots of cheese and bacon bits.

Other veggies to season.

Oh, and you will need to provide a place for their horse to stand. Just under a tree is good.

Oh, and have John Wayne songs in the background.

Well, that is my stereotypes done for the day!

Or

Be yourself and allow them the honor of learning about you and your culture.

P

Lmao!

I get it, yes they did not come all the way from like a thousand miles to eat whatever they can get back home lol

thanks for this, also it made me laugh a lot so feeling less pressured now

originally posted by: loam
a reply to: BoneSay

No. Do Russian. Something you're comfortable with. Plus he can already get Mexican food since he'll be visiting there.

You've got this whatever you do.

This guy sounds like a surrogate father. He isn't there for the food. He's there for you.

Just be your authentic polite self.

Yes you are right, he's like that to me. I just wanted to show him i have become better and are able to be on the level they expected of me, but maybe i'm trying too much and should just be natural. I think i'm going to do my own food and stuff and don't try to be too much or look like something i'm not

Now thinking about it i don't also want to be fake

a reply to: BoneSay

Exactly. He cares for you or wouldn't be visiting.

You and not the food are why he's there. Have fun and try to look forward to it.

Have an awesome time.

originally posted by: BoneSay

originally posted by: randomtangentsrme
a reply to: BoneSay

There are rules on etiquette. But they are rarely followed these days.
I'm surprised you canceled your weekend get away to accommodate an uninvited friend.

Let your past interactions, guide how the night will work.
How have you and this individual interacted in the past?
Do you know what kind of foods they enjoy?

Where are you from as you specify this couple is from the US and Texas?

He was one of the best friends of my dad, they were like brothers, my dad died 10 years ago and this person has always been looking out for me, he even helped me when things went bad for me, they were very close and i feel like i weekend i can do any other time is not worth more than hosting them for a couple days or so

When he was visiting our home he always had whatever we prepared, but it was mostly either Russian food and/or Mexican food if while on Mexico on vacation, i don't know but i was thinking that maybe i should just prepare a Mexican traditional dinner. I am in Mexico right now by the way so it may be a good idea?

I'm from Russia but i live in Mexico since about one year ago and know it well, have been coming here on vacation since 10 years ago, every year for two months at a time

Be true to yourself. This gent is visiting because of the love they have of your father (if not yourself).
Don't get to worried. They are interested in you, not how well you set a table.
Cook something you are comfortable with.
Traditional Mexican would be fine. If you have some of your father's favorite recipes, your guest might consider that a treat.

The thing to keep in mind is it sounds like you are this individual's family that he's chosen, rather than his family by blood. As long as you are hospitable there should be no issue.

originally posted by: loam
a reply to: BoneSay

Exactly. He cares for you or wouldn't be visiting.

You and not the food are why he's there. Have fun and try to look forward to it.

Have an awesome time.

thank you so much, i will do my best < 3

originally posted by: randomtangentsrme

originally posted by: BoneSay

originally posted by: randomtangentsrme
a reply to: BoneSay

There are rules on etiquette. But they are rarely followed these days.
I'm surprised you canceled your weekend get away to accommodate an uninvited friend.

Let your past interactions, guide how the night will work.
How have you and this individual interacted in the past?
Do you know what kind of foods they enjoy?

Where are you from as you specify this couple is from the US and Texas?

He was one of the best friends of my dad, they were like brothers, my dad died 10 years ago and this person has always been looking out for me, he even helped me when things went bad for me, they were very close and i feel like i weekend i can do any other time is not worth more than hosting them for a couple days or so

When he was visiting our home he always had whatever we prepared, but it was mostly either Russian food and/or Mexican food if while on Mexico on vacation, i don't know but i was thinking that maybe i should just prepare a Mexican traditional dinner. I am in Mexico right now by the way so it may be a good idea?

I'm from Russia but i live in Mexico since about one year ago and know it well, have been coming here on vacation since 10 years ago, every year for two months at a time

Be true to yourself. This gent is visiting because of the love they have of your father (if not yourself).
Don't get to worried. They are interested in you, not how well you set a table.
Cook something you are comfortable with.
Traditional Mexican would be fine. If you have some of your father's favorite recipes, your guest might consider that a treat.

The thing to keep in mind is it sounds like you are this individual's family that he's chosen, rather than his family by blood. As long as you are hospitable there should be no issue.

Yes he's like family, i don't remember a time when he wasn't around and has always been very nice to me and helped me a lot through the years

I will do my best for sure, i wanted to make it shine but now i realize that maybe i'm trying to fake it and he will see through that, it is not good. I'll be who i am, he already knows me so i'll just be happy and feel in family

Kind of turned into a different thread lmao

Thanks for the good advice, it made me go into the right direction for sure

I realized for sure that i was trying to fake things, how sad lmao

Wanted to show myself like something so great he would be surprised, but as you all said that's seems to be the wrong way to go about it, thanks for reminding me about that.

I think being a bit scared and trying to impress showed up and pressure is not good at all sometimes, but now i know for sure i will just let things go, i feel at peace

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