a reply to: Sheye
I don't really have a relationship with anyone.
I wish I did, and I admit I often fantasize about spending time with people I care about and caring for them, I'm a very loving and kind considerate
But that's not in the cards I've been dealt by Fate.
I cannot even describe the terrible feelings associated with that or what I've gone through.
The people you're talking about, they don't realize that they are squandering the most important thing in life.
You see, you never know how lucky you are until you lose it. Then it's too late. That's a fact.
The Internet actually helps me keep my mind off all these horrible things and is a source of slight temporary happiness for me until the Universe
decides to change and finally manifests someone in my life that I can take care of and give my all to.
I'm actually so damaged internally and disappointed at this point that I don't think I'll ever "Heal" or recover. Although dropping millions of
dollars on me and surrounding me with a bunch of loving caring people would be a great distraction and would surely occupy my time, I'm not even sure
I could truly enjoy it because I'm so disfigured emotionally and the "me" that once was is no longer and can never be again.
So I don't really worry about what everyone else does or if they reconsider their lives. It's not my business. If they want to spend their whole lives
on their phone or argue with everyone, so be it.
My Soul is basically dead at this point and the only true satisfaction or Spiritually fulfilling experience I have left is to hope I can write a
really good thread someday and teach others something really cool and open their minds. And even that is so difficult and challenging for me to do
because I wrestle with so many demons and face so much internal strife.
To be completely honest, I don't really care what anyone thinks anymore because frankly I don't believe in any of it at all, I think it's all
pointless BS. I just do my own thing and try to enjoy what's left in life. Sadly that would be my phone, computer, and the Internet (though I do enjoy
sitting outside and observing nature on a daily basis, and I really appreciate and enjoy art).
If anyone reads this and thinks they need to make suggestions or pity me - don't. I'm one of the most gifted and blessed people to ever live. I'm
still, despite all of these nightmares, the lucky one. It sounds crazy but it's true.
edit on 10/21/2018 by muzzleflash because: (no reason