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How can i fix this?

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posted on Oct, 14 2018 @ 08:41 AM
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I did a terrible thing, i had few good friends who were always with me, i did not realize one of them thought of me in a different way

I was falling asleep and we were on a cabin on the mountains and i started falling asleep and he kissed my belly button and i reacted terrible hostile and hit him in the face with my knee and broke his nose. There was blood all over the place but at first he just reacted by stepping back and looking very confused and hurt, i could see in his face he was very hurt by what i did

I think he just let himself go and honestly i did not care at all i also cared about him but i reacted as if i hated what he did, and i still hurt him very bad, and he just went out and did not return. we had to take him to a clinic to fix the nose bleeding, he was hurt bad, i lost a friend and maybe more.

Why i hurt people so much?

How can i fix this? Please could you tell me if you know some words i could say that help in not losing this great friend?

I had a very bad event at 13 when someone tried to rape me and since then i can't help to react badly when people touch me, i have told my friends about this but even after therapy and all that i just can't fix it, and now it is turning into this, i am feeling terribly sad right now, i need to say something but i just don't know how or what to say?

edit on 14-10-2018 by BoneSay because: (no reason given)




posted on Oct, 14 2018 @ 08:48 AM
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Let things cool off for a day or two.
If you have some sort of feelings for this person then just throw them a text ask if they want to go out for a coffee or maybe a drink. Or next time you see them just go from there.
Then say how bad you feel and just say you were startled. Seems like an honest mistake, maybe it will throw him in the right direction to not just go around randomly touching and kissing peoples sensitive parts without consent or without being in that sort of relationship.

You weren't in the wrong.



posted on Oct, 14 2018 @ 08:49 AM
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a reply to: BoneSay

This is on him, not you. Going off of what you said he should’ve known to not do something like that. So he should be the one to apologize and you don’t need to feel bad. And if he try’s to make you feel bad then he is not the one for you.
Just my opinion though.



posted on Oct, 14 2018 @ 08:50 AM
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A friend who takes advantage of you while you're asleep?

No loss.



posted on Oct, 14 2018 @ 08:53 AM
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a reply to: strongfp

IKR? I waited till my friend fell asleep and I grabbed her boobs. She was so pissed off, I mean I was only having a moment. It wasn't like I knew she was falling asleep or anything, as she closed her eyes and didn't say no. I thought it was OK... I also drink bleach.



posted on Oct, 14 2018 @ 08:56 AM
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a reply to: Parishna

Yes I should have put in my post that OP shouldn't apologize at all. Feeling pity for the guy is one thing but dont feel like you're the one in the wrong.



posted on Oct, 14 2018 @ 08:57 AM
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a reply to: BoneSay

What he did was wrong.

You did nothing terrible. Do not feel bad.



posted on Oct, 14 2018 @ 09:06 AM
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If he's a TRUE friend...just be honest with him...and he'll understand.

If he doesn't...he's more concerned with his own feelings, rather than yours.



posted on Oct, 14 2018 @ 09:07 AM
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a reply to: BoneSay

you broke someone's nose because he kissed your belly?


ok, quesionts.
why you in the same tent?
why can he see your belly are you naked or something?
you broke his nose, are you sure you want to make it alright?



posted on Oct, 14 2018 @ 09:07 AM
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originally posted by: BoneSay

I was falling asleep and we were on a cabin on the mountains and i started falling asleep and he kissed my belly button and i reacted terrible hostile and hit him in the face with my knee and broke his nose.


what kind of creepy # tries to kiss his friends belly button as she is falling asleep?

i say you reacted just fine



posted on Oct, 14 2018 @ 09:15 AM
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originally posted by: IAMTAT
If he's a TRUE friend...just be honest with him...and he'll understand.

If he doesn't...he's more concerned with his own feelings, rather than yours.


But why i am like this? I always hurt them somehow, i wanted to be loved, i just don't know or understand how to act on it after they try to get close, i am stupid on this aspect, i hurt him very bad you see, i am very violent sometimes, i can't help it, i wish i wasn't like this and be like other girls

I don't know what to do or say, i don't think he meant bad, he just thought i had given enough trust that he could get close like that, and then i acted like a hurt animal :/



posted on Oct, 14 2018 @ 09:16 AM
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a reply to: BoneSay

soo..he is not a friend? you gave him a green light at some point?



posted on Oct, 14 2018 @ 09:18 AM
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originally posted by: strongfp
a reply to: Parishna

Yes I should have put in my post that OP shouldn't apologize at all. Feeling pity for the guy is one thing but dont feel like you're the one in the wrong.


I'm not quite sure, i think i may have let him know he was ok getting close with me, but then i could not handle it and i reacted bad, with no reason, i don't really know now, i'm confused and stupid, i don't know what to think anymore, i had to go out because i felt stupid and with no words, i know this guy since 10 years ago since we were 7, i don't know what to do



posted on Oct, 14 2018 @ 09:18 AM
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still...it doesnt change much. you broke his nose..are you sure you want to make it alright?



posted on Oct, 14 2018 @ 09:22 AM
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originally posted by: BoneSay

originally posted by: strongfp
a reply to: Parishna

Yes I should have put in my post that OP shouldn't apologize at all. Feeling pity for the guy is one thing but dont feel like you're the one in the wrong.


I'm not quite sure, i think i may have let him know he was ok getting close with me, but then i could not handle it and i reacted bad, with no reason, i don't really know now, i'm confused and stupid, i don't know what to think anymore, i had to go out because i felt stupid and with no words, i know this guy since 10 years ago since we were 7, i don't know what to do


AHHHH I get it now. Dude your still young and have much to learn. Hell im still young and have much to learn.
Look you may have led him on and considering the age people do dumb things. You are not in the wrong for doing what you did. One bit of advice though.....don’t sleep next to anyone you don’t fully 100% trust.



posted on Oct, 14 2018 @ 09:25 AM
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a reply to: Allaroundyou

well we know there is no such thing..%100 trust can be only with your brother may be and still there are chances he may go snoring and ruin your sleep.



posted on Oct, 14 2018 @ 09:26 AM
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originally posted by: BoneSay

originally posted by: strongfp
a reply to: Parishna

Yes I should have put in my post that OP shouldn't apologize at all. Feeling pity for the guy is one thing but dont feel like you're the one in the wrong.


I'm not quite sure, i think i may have let him know he was ok getting close with me, but then i could not handle it and i reacted bad, with no reason, i don't really know now, i'm confused and stupid, i don't know what to think anymore, i had to go out because i felt stupid and with no words, i know this guy since 10 years ago since we were 7, i don't know what to do


i think youre being too hard on yourself

you said you may have let him know its ok to get close..

so is it safe to assume you want him to get close? wouldnt mind him getting close?

if yes then just apologize.

just seems like a very strange first move to me to just kiss your belly button. seems like your reaction while maybe a bit severe is also understandable especially if you didnt know it was coming.

youve known dude for 10 years. he has to know how you are by now right?

belly button kiss seems like a very strange first move to me



posted on Oct, 14 2018 @ 09:27 AM
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originally posted by: Allaroundyou
.don’t sleep next to anyone you don’t fully 100% trust.


something to be said for that too.



posted on Oct, 14 2018 @ 09:28 AM
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originally posted by: Damla
a reply to: Allaroundyou

well we know there is no such thing..%100 trust can be only with your brother may be and still there are chances he may go snoring and ruin your sleep.


I have friends that I can count on one hand that I trust my life with. But that took two decades of being friends to reach that point.



posted on Oct, 14 2018 @ 09:28 AM
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originally posted by: BoneSay

originally posted by: IAMTAT
If he's a TRUE friend...just be honest with him...and he'll understand.

If he doesn't...he's more concerned with his own feelings, rather than yours.


But why i am like this? I always hurt them somehow, i wanted to be loved, i just don't know or understand how to act on it after they try to get close, i am stupid on this aspect, i hurt him very bad you see, i am very violent sometimes, i can't help it, i wish i wasn't like this and be like other girls

I don't know what to do or say, i don't think he meant bad, he just thought i had given enough trust that he could get close like that, and then i acted like a hurt animal :/


Please don't be so hard on yourself.
Issues with intimacy take time to deal with....baby steps.

One can't expect to overcome them immediately.
The fact that you allowed yourself to become vulnerable to someone by sleeping next to them is a big step on it's own.
His attempt at physical contact was just a bridge too far at this point and you reacted...out of instinct.


Honest, constructive,self-reflective, discussion of this with him and even others (here) is also a positive step forward.

Key: Don't blame or shame yourself.
Become your own trusted friend first.
TRUE friends understand and don't immediately blame others for their own issues.
Develop that friendship with yourself.




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