Well, you heard it here 1st folks!!
I am officially running for the Senate of the United States.
I have no political experience (but what the hell does that matter?). I have an absolutely bulletproof 5 point platform which all but guarantees my
election. My principle points are as follows:
If elected I will promise...
On Global Warming - A car with only two wheels which is powered by the driver so it requires no fuel and creates no pollution. (Yeah, I know the
bicycle has already been invented, but my idea is different!)
On the Military - The development of a personal submarine which has no exoskeleton and no engine, and where breathing air is supplied through a small
curved tube held in the submariner’s mouth. Estimated costs for this development, and that of the two wheeled car, are well within 2 trillion
dollars, a bargain by today’s standards!
On the Environment - If elected, I will appropriate billions of dollars toward the research and development of dehydrated clean water. This will give
people around the world access to clean water and virtually eliminate transportation costs. All you have to do is add water and, voila!, there you
On the Economy - There is not enough money, and much of what is out there is pretty crummy, so if elected I will make sure every home has their own
printing press where they can just make their own money when they need it.
On World Hunger - My 5th and final point if elected, I will solve world hunger. I have assurances from McDonald’s, Tim Horton’s and Long John
Silver’s that they will honor a “Buy 2, Get 1 Free” policy (for a limited time, restrictions apply).
Thank you, and God Bless America!
edit on 10/10/2018 by Flyingclaydisk because: (no reason given)