Have we failed as parents? Why are all these girls getting raped?

a reply to: Dr UAE

It is about morals, but sometimes, that isn't enough.

Look at what happened to the two young women in Iowa who were murdered.

One was an Iowa State golfer. Her only crime was heading out to practice on the course and being in the wrong place at the wrong time where a mentally deranged man came across her. He stabbed her multiple times and murdered her.

Maybe self-defense would have helped her, maybe not.

But not everything in life for boy or girl comes down to how moral they are although that certainly will help them either way.

originally posted by: amazing


Yes. I actually teach some other martial arts, but got into JiuJitsu for myself for fun and I love it! I compete too!

nice man
i can talk about it all day so whenever you want to

you compete gi or no gi?

NAGA?

i dont compete and do not train all that much anymore.
i am seriously considering entering the no gi intermediate next year though.

not sure.

not really one of those guys that likes to be front and center like that you know.

originally posted by: notsure1
When I was a kid we dedicated 2 weeks in gym class every year to square dancing.

But Im 46

... They still make the kids do square dancing up here in PE. Of all the things they should be teaching in school that kids really need to focus on, I seriously question the teaching of square dancing.

As to the OP... this is not a 'new' failure of parenting. Girls have been harassed sexually from early childhood up since the dawn of time. I can attest to that. Inappropriate touching by older boys. Trying to convince girls that it's no big deal. "If you love me, you will." (That's always been a popular one.)

All that and more happened to me starting at about age 8 if I remember correctly. I know the first time, the boys that surrounded me were at least 14 or 15 and they refused to leave me alone. It was one of the most terrifying days of my life and even my mom didn't really get what I was trying to convey when I tried to tell her about it. In the end, I felt like it was all my fault. That I'd done something wrong. I kept my mouth shut and never spoke of it again to anyone. Not being believed hurt a lot. There was no reason to relive it needlessly after that. If those that should believe and protect you don't, then what else can you do at 8 years old? Meh.

When you've never even done anything and suddenly you're hearing all over school that you did...? That is heartbreaking. And no one believes you because high school sucks and kids are nasty creatures.

One thing I hate about things now though and I don't understand the parents allowing it: kids going to parties with alcohol present as young as 13 and 14. Parents around here don't seem to care as long as there is a parent around to "keep an eye out." And yes, as you'd expect, those kids are drinking at these parties and having sex. So much for the parental supervision.

And the absolute garbage clothing parents are letting kids wear now. Shorts with cheeks hanging out and shirts cut so low, there's nothing left to the imagination. I'm not talking about kids sneaking around and changing clothing behind their parent's backs. I'm seeing these kids out in public with their parents dressed like that.

Don't understand it. At. All.

a reply to: JAGStorm

I don't believe we failed as parents. Children of a certain age will not truly understand what you had advised them until they experience themselves. Unfortunately, their reasoning capabilities are lackluster without real experience until much later in life.

Be honest with yourself! Didn't you at some point look at your folks and think they were too old to understand that times have changed? Generation after generation simply repeat the cycles in their own ways.

Had some friends with daughters younger than mine...they all loved hearing my drama I experienced...They never believed their daughters would do such things. It only took a few years for it turned around and I was listening to their drama stories!

The parents didn't listen to me...just assumed they were better parents...so why would teenagers listen to their parents advice? Too be honest, if your daughter is raped...she won't tell you because she knows she didn't follow your advice!

a reply to: CynConcepts

This is true too.

Three times in the last week, it's been born out to my son that things I've told him and he ignored were right because he heard them almost verbatim from other sources.

Sometimes, they learn the hard way. We just have to hope that when they choose to learn the hard way, it won't be a lesson they can't recover from.

originally posted by: TinySickTears

originally posted by: notsure1
a reply to: TinySickTears

Well when I quoted it it said you had it misspelled. So are you stupid?

I was saying boxing or judo as self defense. I dont care if it kung fu or karate or ju jitsu or anything else just teach some self defense.

.

well i spelled it right so i dont know what you want me to say
and yes i read it with an attitude


then what was the point of saying what i would be better off then?
i dont really understand

i would be better off with judo or boxing because you cant spell jiu jitsu?

and yes i am stupid

How do I have to explain this to you? I said judo or boxing as opposed to square dancing.

Not jiu jitsu . You took it like Im dogging ju jitsu. when the fact is I have no idea the difference between ju jitsu and judo and karate they are all self defense. I was just saying teach them something .

Try reading my first couple of posts without the I hate you attitude.

a reply to: Wayfarer

It's called being aware of what's going on around you.

Self defense doesn't just involve being able to kick someones ass twelve different ways, it also involves being aware of the world around you, and what's going on in it, so that you may safely not have to kick someones ass in one of those twelve differing ways.

That can be taught.

As for your assertion, seemingly, that only men and boys rape? Bull#. Plain and unadulterated bull#. Yes, the majority of rapists are male--I hesitate to call anyone a man who does that...but I digress.

I taught my nieces to be aware of their surroundings. If they're going to a party, look around you, what's going on? If anything looks out of sorts/out of place/wrong...it probably is. Leave. If people you know are acting out of character, try to discover why, if it feels out of place/wrong, it probably is. Leave.

I also told 'em, no matter the time, or the distance, whether I'm at work, or home, or even a party...call me. I will come get you. Make sure the one's causing the out of sorts/wrong know that. My nieces, as I've no children of my own, are the few people on this world that I will kill, well, everyone for. Most of their friends know this. I have, or had, something of a reputation on matters concerning the safety of my family...

originally posted by: Wayfarer
Lol, oh man for a second I thought this was a masterful troll but then I sadly realized you are serious, and now I'm sad.




I've got a REALLY crazy idea, maybe we should do something about all these boys/men and their raping, instead of, you know, train women to have to defend themselves constantly from these assaults.....

It is pretty hard to do anything BEFORE they do the crime.
Sure, teach them not to do that crap but some will do it anyways - dont you think if a girl got trained in defending herself, that would help the problem a lot?

Or are you one those that think ALL men/boys are quilty, rapist or not?

Why?

I am guessing 10% horny and 90% alcohol.

Alcohol is at the root of most of the campus issues.

originally posted by: notsure1

How do I have to explain this to you? I said judo or boxing as opposed to square dancing.

Not jiu jitsu . You took it like Im dogging ju jitsu. when the fact is I have no idea the difference between ju jitsu and judo and karate they are all self defense. I was just saying teach them something .

Try reading my first couple of posts without the I hate you attitude.

^^^well that makes sense but you did have to explain it.

can you not see why i thought you were being a dick

you quoted me talking about teachng her jiu jitsu with a response about how judo or boxing would be better than square dancing.
since i didnt mention square dancing and neither did anyone else and you quoted me talking about jiu jitsu it comes off as you being a dick.

dont know what to tell you man.

if you would have just said your square dancing thing without quoting my post it would have come off different

a reply to: JAGStorm

That's because that's our job. Not the schools.

You don't need formal martial arts training to be lethal. I've never had a lesson, other than life that occasionally decides I need more excitement, to learn how to be lethal.

All it requires is a willingness to be dirty. There's no such thing as a fair fight, especially in a situation that may result in an assault of the kind being discussed here.

You bite. You claw. You go for the nuts. You go for the knees. You make an ungodly racket. You go for the eyes. You break fingers (it's surprisingly easy to do.)

...and something else, you never, ever go alone. Be you a girl, or a guy. Parties are for fun. But parties can attract others who have odd ideas of what constitutes [i]fun. Take a friend who you can trust to do what's right.

Be aware. Be prepared. Doesn't mean you can't have fun.

originally posted by: TinySickTears

originally posted by: amazing


Yes. I actually teach some other martial arts, but got into JiuJitsu for myself for fun and I love it! I compete too!

nice man
i can talk about it all day so whenever you want to

you compete gi or no gi?

NAGA?

i dont compete and do not train all that much anymore.
i am seriously considering entering the no gi intermediate next year though.

not sure.

not really one of those guys that likes to be front and center like that you know.

I started with No gi, so I've done that at NAGA like 8 times. Just started training Gi, That's fun too. Always fun to find new ways to choke someone! LOL

a reply to: Kharron

If you're referring to the Pound Me Too movement (not calling the # sign anything but a Pound sign) then I have to say there has indeed been a failure. But not in terms of protecting oneself.

The failure is rooted in allowing sex to be a weapon for both sexes. We know why men use it for a weapon, to control. Women use it in the form of accusations to destroy, but are coddled in the process because we as a society believe them to be innately mentally fragile. We see this ALL the time when dismissing male assault victims, women are of weaker mind and thus assaults are worse to them. Bulls#. We're doing no one any favors thinking like this. It's time to level the field and think in equal terms, but not the way people would assume.

We need to start thinking differently about keeping quiet. IMO, if you're an adult, you have no excuse. Kids can be coerced and made fearful of threats, but not goddamn adults. If you were violated, screw your job and reputation fears, go to the cops and prevent someone else from being the next victim instead of waiting decades and allowing a predator to keep preying. Keeping quiet long-term does the predator a huge favor, NOT the victim. It's akin to being complicit in their crimes. There's a power to put a stop to predators right away, but we're encouraged not to because of antiquated points of view about the stresses of stepping forth. This NEEDS to change, or nothing ever will.
The only reason I can see people logically resisting a change in this method of thinking is if they weren't victims at all and fear being found out after reporting.

That, and we need to prosecute the hell out of those making false reports. Not to make examples out of them for show, but to prove ruining a life over a vindictive lie isn't worth the fallout.

I've had this discussion with a friend who was raped, her view is even more staunch than mine -- "Hindsight being 20/20 for me here, society screws victims by coddling us and telling us we don't have to speak up until we're ready. That just creates more victims and it's wrong. Just because we're hurting right then doesn't mean it absolves us of the responsibility of stopping that asshole from hurting more people. We're either better than that, or weak as hell. We need to choose one."

a reply to: Dr UAE

That's wonderful, and more power to you.

However, the most moral of upbringings doesn't necessarily equate to safety. Certainly, it helps, but is hardly a guarantee.

Sometimes the world has other ideas. ...and they're seldom good ones. In my experience, anyway.

Teaching children to defend themselves isn't telling them to go looking for a fight, or other troubles...it's in case trouble comes looking for them--at least they've a chance to protect themselves. Even if it's leaving a party that's maybe not quite what it was advertised to be...

originally posted by: notsure1

originally posted by: TinySickTears

originally posted by: notsure1
a reply to: TinySickTears

Well when I quoted it it said you had it misspelled. So are you stupid?

I was saying boxing or judo as self defense. I dont care if it kung fu or karate or ju jitsu or anything else just teach some self defense.

.

well i spelled it right so i dont know what you want me to say
and yes i read it with an attitude


then what was the point of saying what i would be better off then?
i dont really understand

i would be better off with judo or boxing because you cant spell jiu jitsu?

and yes i am stupid

How do I have to explain this to you? I said judo or boxing as opposed to square dancing.

Not jiu jitsu . You took it like Im dogging ju jitsu. when the fact is I have no idea the difference between ju jitsu and judo and karate they are all self defense. I was just saying teach them something .

Try reading my first couple of posts without the I hate you attitude.

I have trained jiu jitsu when i was younger, and there is a difference.

Karate and Judo are both defence and attack, where jiu jitsu is pretty much just self defence. In jiu jitsu you use your opponent strenght to defeat him, when they attack you

Boxing is something else entirely, lots of rules to follow, and in a real fight you cant count on your opponent to follow any rules, so you might hit hard, but up against someone who is trained in any of the other martial arts, it will be hard to defend against there moves.

I would most deffinately go with jiu jitsu, you learn how to defend yourself in an very effective way

Along with situational awareness and self defense teach your girls to be ladies and your boys to be gentlemen. It’s also very important to teach both about sex education. I once knew a very religious lady that said, “ I’d rather my girls got pregnant than be on birth control pills”. This foolish, foolish, woman got her wish. Both were pregnant before their wedding day and her daughters paid the price for her ignorance. As parents we must do better. The out dated idea of teaching abstinence alone isn’t enough in 2018, hell it wasn’t eoiugh in the 70’s. Many couples are making out by the second or third date and that where things happen.

Kids are going to be tried and tested. Both boys and girls. The primal drive to reproduce can be overwhelming. Adolescent, immaturity, and hormones provide a volatile environment and knowledge is power. Be honest, talk to your children as adults before things get out of hand.

originally posted by: Wayfarer

I've got a REALLY crazy idea, maybe we should do something about all these boys/men and their raping, instead of, you know, train women to have to defend themselves constantly from these assaults.....

Me too, let's put the offenders in prison, so they can continue to rape, get raped by others while in prison, and come out seriously more pissed off, angry, violent, and mental than when they went in. Rinse, and repeat. /sarcasm

Ah the ripple effects of the USA's prize correctional system.

To the OP: As a society we've failed, we're totally brainwashed and programmed to be apathetic. I hope things will change, maybe back to normal family units, and less bling too.

a reply to: Nyiah

A friend of a friend was recently raped. She refused to go to the police. This infuriates me.
Although the rapist is at fault, she could single handedly prevent it from happening again. By doing nothing there is nothing.

I totally agree we need to think about it completely differently. We live in different times.

If a woman makes a false accusation I think she should be on the sexual predator website too.