In keeping with the tradition set with my
colleague on ATS Augustus, I present to you an interview schedule with
celebrities that we all know.
My sources range far and wide and I decided to utilize my contacts to develop a series of interviews.
The first one is with a lady we all know and love, Mother Nature.
Let's begin. . . .
DB: Good morning! Thank you for sitting with me today.
MN: I have a few moments, ask your stupid questions!
DB: Uh, okay. I sense hostility. Mind telling me and my readers why?
MN: Look, I can forgive the drilling, the fracking, the pollution, the waste. But Lawn Darts? Really?
DB: You mention pollution, are you saying we are actually responsible for global warming?
MN: It's a heat flash. Not global warming. You get to be my age and things get wonky.
DB: It's been speculated that you are either aged 6,000 years to 4 billion. Mind telling our readers how old you actually are?
(It was at this point where Mother Nature stood up and took off the mic and said the interview was over. After some promises and a cup of estogen she
finally agreed to sit back down)
DB: Have you ever thought of getting married? Or are you married?
MN: Jupiter and I had a thing for a while but then Saturn got involved and Jupiter put a ring on it. I hate that bitch!
DB: What is your favorite species on the planet?
MN: I'd have to say the dinosaurs and then 3-toes sloths.
DB: Where do humans rank in your personal list of favorites?
MN: About last. It wasn't always the case, but when your species cancelled Firefly
things went downhill fast.
DB: Okay, some easy questions. Favorite movie?
MN: Iron Man III
DB: Favorite band and/or musician?
MN: Perry Como.
DB: Final question. If you were a tree, what kind would you be?
MN: You're an idiot. I'm done.
Well, there you have it! The first in what should be a sterling series of edge-of-your-seat interviews.
Please visit me again next week when I interview an historical despot!
Thank you for reading.