posted on Sep, 2 2018 @ 06:16 PM
I think you showed great self-possession during this event and should congratulate yourself of that count.
However, this 'lying' thing appears to be 'eating at you' and your therapist (who you hate???) recognized it and gave you direction that you
proceeded to implement here. Also a skillful behavior.
Is he okay? Is that even a relevant question? Death is part of life and therefore is okay, a natural outcome.
When an incident such as you describe happens and consumes me - it's a signal of something I'm not doing (physically or mentally) well. First
question - what are you afraid of - what is the effect on your life - what purpose does it serve your life and/or ego to fixate on this point in time?
You cannot change what happened. You can accept it and learn from it - but by 'beating yourself up' about it you are continually bringing the past
into your present thereby taking up time and energy from your current needs - perhaps distracting yourself from something you need to but are not
willing to see at this time.
This is victim mentality.
Heck you don't have a clue of what this person meant by 'okay' - you 'seem' to assume okay means to remain alive? You cared about and stay with
someone during there last moments - gently and calmly - who could ask for more?
There is more here.... be a hero and explore ....