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My therapist wants me to do this

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posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 09:41 AM
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a reply to: ancientthunder

Maybe one of these days, we wont be so afraid of death. The sorrow that comes from death isn't usually for the deceased, but for the person who is still alive and the impact it has on them. If death were viewed as something positive, but not to be hastened towards, life would take on a whole new meaning.




posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 09:52 AM
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a reply to: one4all

What courage and what a clear-thinking individul you are. I so admire you-you are one in a million. Thank you for being you and having the ability to lead while others stand by. Hope you are around if I ever need someone in a crisis. You are a hero.



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 10:31 AM
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originally posted by: Allaroundyou

originally posted by: AtomicKangaroo
I think I would want to be lied to myself. "Yep, you'll be all good buddy."
The reality of knowing I am going to die would freak me the # out I am not ashamed to admit.

You did the right thing I reckon OP. But end of the day what we think is moot. It's about how you feel about it.
Cannot see how you did anything wrong here honestly to feel guilty about.

Being a civilized and compassionate human is a good thing yes?


I can see why lying can be used for good but in doing so on a mans “death bed” seems bad.

Now I am going to open up here.

I was holding his hand when he asked me if he was going to be ok. I had my other hand holding things in for the paramedics, I lied to his face and he smiled at me. That was the very last thing he did. Besides 3 words that will stick with me forever.

“I love you”


He probably knew you were lying but we always hold on to hope until the end. We want to be told we're going to make it because honestly for most people the thought of death is hard to grasp.
We think we're gonna live forever some of us, despite knowing the truth.

You obviously comforted him and helped through his end (or new beginning?).
His smile was approval I reckon.

Definitely should not be guilty over this thing.

Forgive yourself of the sin you didn't commit, stop beating yourself up and move on with life my friend.

If you're coming to us for the answers then accept the ones we're giving.
The vast majority seems to say you're off the hook.

Those who say it was bad are crazy.


edit on 1-9-2018 by AtomicKangaroo because: added stuff, fixed errors. systems rebooted.



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 11:54 AM
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a reply to: Allaroundyou

Did the best you knew, what more could you do
Forgive yourself

Stop thinking, think, what better could have I done knowing what I knew then
Have compassion for the person you were not knowing any better than what you knew was the best to do



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 01:02 PM
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a reply to: Allaroundyou

Sorry to hear about your experience AAY, but good to see people showing compassion and kindness to their fellow man especially in such a dire time for that person. Sometimes, and this sounds like the case here, all you can do is comfort/reassure them and just be there the best you can

Also good to see you sought professional help. Sometimes our pride gets in the way, and it can make you miss out on resolving a serious emotional issue like that. For what it is worth, it can help to remember that you didn't cause their illness/injury, that you did your best to help them and that you just so happened to be in the right/wrong (however you look at it) place at the right/wrong time

At least someone with certification was present and able to attempt interventions or at least evaluation beyond what a bystander is likely to provide. You gave them a fighting chance, or at least a better chance than they'd have had without you. And even though it didn't work out, that is worth something
It matters. I'm 100% certain it mattered to the victim as well
edit on 9/1/2018 by JBurns because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 01:13 PM
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Stop thinking, think, what better could have I done knowing what I knew then Have compassion for the person you were not knowing any better than what you knew was the best to do


Exactly that.
Maybe is not a matter of doing the right thing or the wrong one. Maybe is just a matter of forgiving yourself, allowing yourself to be wrong from time to time.
I'm not saying it was the wrong thing to do. I do believe you brought relief and hope to someone who desperately needed it, and gave him the chance to pass away with more peace of mind.
But if you believe it was the wrong thing then you have to learn to forgive yourself. It was the best you knew at the time. You helped with everything you had. Didn't have the time to carefully consider what to say so you did what most of us would do in that situation. Why beat yourself up for doing your best?
Forgive yourself and find consolation in the fact that (maybe) now you know better.



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 01:51 PM
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a reply to: Allaroundyou

I hear what you are saying, but look at it from a "who you are" viewpoint.

We are not our body, and when we are faced with life or death situations we aren't really asking if our body is going to be okay, we are asking if WE are going to be okay, if that makes any sense.

Kind of like when we lose a loved one. We know the shell of the person is in the casket, or cremated, or being buried, but we don't even consider that aspect of the person when we are in mourning. We are grieving the person's very being not being with us.

We can live without a leg, all limbs, with a paralyzed body, even in coma - but we actually worry about the essence of who we are.

Again, having been in those situations I truly believe that in the situation you were in you did not lie. You unconsciously gave him comfort in the exact way he needed.

Just my opinion, but I do hope it helps. Hugs!



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 01:57 PM
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a reply to: Allaroundyou

One way or another, it's taken care of even if his physical body dies.

So, no, you didn't lie from a spiritual point of view.



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 01:59 PM
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a reply to: ccseagull




posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 02:07 PM
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a reply to: Damla

Damia - you are a sweet soul. I hear the pain in your posts. If I may highjack this threat quickly - you are as important as every other person on tis planet and you are loved. Sending you a huge embrace of care and peace.



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 02:14 PM
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a reply to: ccseagull




posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 02:53 PM
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Therapist.. The rapist. Enough said..



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 03:34 PM
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originally posted by: mysterioustranger
As far as telling someone they are going to die or not: 2 things.
1. Never lie.
2. Never deny the seriousness.

Never assure anyone "you'll be fine, or OK". There is a million other ways to assure, reassure and comfort. You do what you can... and move on.

Personally, that's not the kind of EMT I want helping me out. Lie to me. Tell me it's really not as bad as it looks and that I'm going to be ok in the end even if I'm bleeding out and won't live. I don't want to be helped by someone who's not willing to help soothe with a white lie -- comfort counts, not being evasive or callously direct.

If I ever hear "we're doing everything we can", my inner pessimist is writing it off as someone not up to snuff to want to give even a LITTLE hope and comfort. We know damn well that in medicine, even that little bit of hope can help the body's chemical soup factory churn out a bit more of what we need to pull through. Saying otherwise sounds counterproductive. Instead of helping abate the fears & stress of injury/injuries, or comforting someone in their last moments, it really sounds like a recipe for a flood of fear & stress hormones making things worse, or going out on a horrible mental note. It's not logical.
edit on 9/1/2018 by Nyiah because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 03:53 PM
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You did the right thing, and thanks for sharing it.

Remind yourself that when we are in danger, our brains shut off most of higher level reasoning, we make stupid decisions and should not make them when excited or agitated, or anything that brain would classify as stress and tone the functions down to survival mode.

Now imagine being in shock from such trauma. The simple fact that the person talked to you and asked you a question like that means that brain has shut down most of the higher functions and the lower ones, such as processing that physical pain.

You told that person pretty much the only thing they could have processed, and exactly the right thing.



edit on 1-9-2018 by Kharron because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 04:02 PM
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a reply to: mysterioustranger

One thing I recall from a book I read about people surviving impossible odds.

The one thing they all had in common is that they never gave up.

If someone asks you if they're going to make it and you tell them they aren't, you're setting them up for that failure. Sure, they may not make it, but as we've seen from some posters in this thread, encouragement can spur you to fight for your life, and in some cases, that can make all the difference.

Do you think the OP would have felt any less guilty if they had done things the other way around?

He asked me if he was going to die, and I said, "Not a chance, man ... and then he died." Now, the OP is in the position of torturing themselves with wondering if maybe this person might have pulled through had they not told the person they were going to die. Sure. That may be an irrational position, but here you are already telling the OP they've got an irrational position as it is.

The point is that the OP feels incredibly guilty over something that was always out of their hands either way.



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 04:16 PM
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Do not let this eat you up.
You did only what was possible in that moment, and it was a good thing. You were there to comfort a man who was dying and most likely in a lot of pain. What else could you have possibly done? You did everything and you did it well.
Comforting another human being in fear and pain is nothing but selfless compassion.
These days a lot of people would have just stood around recording it to float it on social media to get attention.
Much respect to you.



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 06:14 PM
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a reply to: Allaroundyou

Stop beating yourself up!

You held his hand so he didn't die alone. He is in the next existence now and has forgiven you for the white lie that gave him comfort in the end. You did the right thing!



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 06:18 PM
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a reply to: Allaroundyou



I have multiple things that have happened in my past that have caused me griefs. Some much harsher than others. But this one has has eaten me alive ever since.


What you just said here is all of it. Do yourself a favor right now and realize you might not ever get over it

That is not only acceptable, it's to be expected. You were traumatized. Accepting that this has altered your life will allow you to live with it

It's not about the lie

You know he would understand



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 06:38 PM
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originally posted by: Nyiah

originally posted by: mysterioustranger
As far as telling someone they are going to die or not: 2 things.
1. Never lie.
2. Never deny the seriousness.

Never assure anyone "you'll be fine, or OK". There is a million other ways to assure, reassure and comfort. You do what you can... and move on.

Personally, that's not the kind of EMT I want helping me out. Lie to me. Tell me it's really not as bad as it looks and that I'm going to be ok in the end even if I'm bleeding out and won't live. I don't want to be helped by someone who's not willing to help soothe with a white lie -- comfort counts, not being evasive or callously direct.

If I ever hear "we're doing everything we can", my inner pessimist is writing it off as someone not up to snuff to want to give even a LITTLE hope and comfort. We know damn well that in medicine, even that little bit of hope can help the body's chemical soup factory churn out a bit more of what we need to pull through. Saying otherwise sounds counterproductive. Instead of helping abate the fears & stress of injury/injuries, or comforting someone in their last moments, it really sounds like a recipe for a flood of fear & stress hormones making things worse, or going out on a horrible mental note. It's not logical.


In training...we all train the same way. And of course we use "you're gonna be ok" once in awhile..especially dying children in shock.

It's all in the way to relieve that injured person. "Yeah bud! You'll be just great!"...with 1 arm crushed, bleeding out, in shock and with a mangled foot we nearly cut off from under the gas pedal...and burns over 60% of their upper torso and face.

Been there yourself? I was.Yesterday. It's ok...I'll still head your way when you call 911 to save you...and we will. And we'll pull no punches.

Thanks for the opinion. Best,. MS



posted on Sep, 1 2018 @ 06:46 PM
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originally posted by: ketsuko
a reply to: mysterioustranger

One thing I recall from a book I read about people surviving impossible odds.

The one thing they all had in common is that they never gave up.

If someone asks you if they're going to make it and you tell them they aren't, you're setting them up for that failure. Sure, they may not make it, but as we've seen from some posters in this thread, encouragement can spur you to fight for your life, and in some cases, that can make all the difference.

Do you think the OP would have felt any less guilty if they had done things the other way around?

He asked me if he was going to die, and I said, "Not a chance, man ... and then he died." Now, the OP is in the position of torturing themselves with wondering if maybe this person might have pulled through had they not told the person they were going to die. Sure. That may be an irrational position, but here you are already telling the OP they've got an irrational position as it is.

The point is that the OP feels incredibly guilty over something that was always out of their hands either way.


Awhile ago...a man was crushed btwn 2 trains in a station. Called his family down A.S.A.P....without freeing him.

Told if freed from the trains...they were the only thing squeezing the blood into his organs.His family was called to say goodbye, and he was told he was going to die once freed.

They came, said goodbye...once freed...he passed immediately from shock, loss of blood, severe internal and external injuries.

Brutal honesty and giving 1 hope...and others reality...is the way each plays out. No 2 are alike.

We do and say what we can...while we can. Thanks..MS


edit on 1-9-2018 by mysterioustranger because: typo



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