My therapist wants me to do this

So I have been regularly seeing a therapist to help deal with stress. She knows that I hate her but I am still willing to go for the sake of my mental health. She wants me to share an experience I had when I was in my early 20’s. She told me to write it down and share it anonymously and for me to think about how and if that helped.......

So I guess I will do so here....ugh this sucks but here I go

When I was 22 I was at a party and doing the whole DD thing. A friend and I are playing a racing game called “most wanted”. At the end of our race another buddy came running into the house screaming at me to help someone that was just hit by a car. They knew that I was CPR certified and had an obligation to help.

I rushed out to help but realized he is in a state that he could not be moved and I knew he could not be saved. I took my shirt off and threw it over the parts that no one should see. I grabbed his hand and talked to him.

Now this is the part that has been eating me up for almost a decade.
He asked me if he was going to be ok. And I lied and said yes. That has been killing me ever since and I think of that exact moment when I become upset for whatever reason. It sucks but that is why I have been talking to someone.

Anyways I did what she asked and that is it.

Compassion. I am glad you soothed
a dying man. Thank you for sharinga reply to: Allaroundyou

Hi the point you may be missing is he may well be ok, just because somebody dies doesn't mean it all ends there. Sure we dont have proof of it , but that counts both ways. Good work, either way you helped a lot. a reply to: Allaroundyou

a reply to: Allaroundyou

You did PERFECT. All that person wanted was to be connected to someone, to not be afraid, and to have hope. I have been in many situations where I had to rely on someone else's strength just to calm down inside, and to feel a human connection and not be completely alone at the scariest times of my life. It is all that matters. You do not need to be tormented by this anymore: you were there at the right time and did all that needed doing. Most of all you held his hand and gave him comforting words. He was not alone.

I would have told him the truth. I abhor lying even when it seems like "the right thing to do".

originally posted by: BrianFlanders
I would have told him the truth. I abhor lying even when it seems like "the right thing to do".

So you would say, "sorry no, you're going to die"?

Wow

Good move. Helping the dying through to the end is never easy, and a white lie does more good than not. A lie to calm a baffled mind is always good. You should celebrate that you were there to calm the water for a frightened man and turn the memory into a positive life-event.

I think most people would do as you did and no one can say that it is wrong unless they were in your shoes. There are a lot of ways to look at this and IDK if you have ever heard about someone's "soul" staying alive as long as someone remembers them, and I'll bet even though your time was short with him, you won't ever forget him. Maybe he didn't have a lot of close connections in life and he needed a strong last connection with someone to help his "soul" survive (b/c it supposedly continues on through others who remember them and those who remember them - and on and on..).

I'm sure this isn't a whole lot of people's belief's but I've heard it more times than I can count, so who is to say what is true. If that helps in any way, even though it wasn't a good memory, it's a strong unforgettable memory which will live on through you, hopefully you can understand that there was nothing you could do and you hold no responsibility for anything.

Good luck handling this, been through something similar but I knew the person and they did pull through but it was traumatizing.

today i found my ex bf in a dating site posed as someone else and said(lied) to him who seem to be interested in me and explaining somethings about his life etc" i dont need to know much about you, i am not into a long term relationship, i have responsibilities towards very important people in my life and i am not meaning to keep those that i ll meet here in my life along with those that are already in and important to me." and i asked him to send me a photo and answer if he is optimistic or not.

a reply to: Allaroundyou

been there , done that - never had a problem with it

what worries me - is when the tables are turned

and someone - grabs my had - and says " dont worry - yoou is going to be ok "

i am sorry he tricked you.

a reply to: Allaroundyou

Good luck gaining more from them than they get from you.

Doubtful help at best ... quackery at best ...

Common sense people !!

Pfft ...

a reply to: ignorant_ape

I think the hardest part of that experience is that I lied to someone in the last minutes. All the blood and other things don’t bother me, just the lying part. My therapist keeps telling me that I did the right thing but I never feel that I did. I mean if I was about to pass I would prefer someone be straight up. But maybe that is just me, idk.

originally posted by: Timely
a reply to: Allaroundyou

Good luck gaining more from them than they get from you.

Doubtful help at least ... quackery at best ...

Common sense people !!

Pfft ...

originally posted by: Timely
a reply to: Allaroundyou

Good luck gaining more from them than they get from you.

Doubtful help at best ... quackery at best ...

Common sense people !!

Pfft ...

YA no shiz huh..... I know I am throwing money at them and this is a last ditch attempt, if it works than hey i’m Cool with that. If not then it is what it is.

a reply to: Allaroundyou

Fair enough.

You must do what feels right for you.

The fortune ... or lesson learned is well worth the price of admission ...

😎

originally posted by: FinallyAwake

originally posted by: BrianFlanders
I would have told him the truth. I abhor lying even when it seems like "the right thing to do".

So you would say, "sorry no, you're going to die"?

Wow

If it was me, I would want to know the truth instead of having someone lie to me. I don't like to be lied to. If I'm going to die in five minutes, don't tell me I'm going to be fine.

originally posted by: Allaroundyou
So I have been regularly seeing a therapist to help deal with stress. She knows that I hate her but I am still willing to go for the sake of my mental health. She wants me to share an experience I had when I was in my early 20’s. She told me to write it down and share it anonymously and for me to think about how and if that helped.......

So I guess I will do so here....ugh this sucks but here I go

When I was 22 I was at a party and doing the whole DD thing. A friend and I are playing a racing game called “most wanted”. At the end of our race another buddy came running into the house screaming at me to help someone that was just hit by a car. They knew that I was CPR certified and had an obligation to help.

I rushed out to help but realized he is in a state that he could not be moved and I knew he could not be saved. I took my shirt off and threw it over the parts that no one should see. I grabbed his hand and talked to him.

Now this is the part that has been eating me up for almost a decade.
He asked me if he was going to be ok. And I lied and said yes. That has been killing me ever since and I think of that exact moment when I become upset for whatever reason. It sucks but that is why I have been talking to someone.

Anyways I did what she asked and that is it.

If I were dying like that I'd want someone to tell me I was going to be okay too. Any bit of hope however false would have made those last moments for me worth it.

Thanks for showing him compassion.

-Alee

a reply to: Allaroundyou

When I was sixteen or so I used to work at a passenger terminal at the harbour.

One day, a rather large German tourist keeled over in front of us having a heart attack, the first time I'd seen such a thing happen.

He was still the responsibility of the vessel crew at this stage and they began CPR on him.

I stood there watching them try, but after first aid training in the army cadets I knew that they were being too gentle with his chest, remember this was a big guy.

I stood there watching, wanting to move these guys out of the way so I could take over, I knew he needed almost a punch in the chest compared to how softly-softly these guys were doing their compresssions.

Long story short, I watched the guy die in front of me, as far as I'm concerned, simply because I was too scared and didn't have the courage to step in, step up, and take over.

I still think about that guy and his family, and vowed never to watch someone die like that again.

There are probably more people walking around with stories like this than most even realise, it's not your average pub-talk.

You did what you could, which is more than I can say for myself.

You did good.

a reply to: Allaroundyou

I know exactly how you feel my friend.

Every single day of my life, i relive some events that I had been part of.
I was a volunteer firefighter up until not long ago.
But the majority of my calls where hiway accidents.
Men, women and children.
Ive had to witness it all.

As well, a few years back at work, I lost a friend underground in the mine.
I was the last person to see him, and had to survey his dead body.
Clumps of hair, teeth... everything.
I have to go relive that day soon as well because the inquest into his death was just announced
Pascal Inquest

All first responders take the same vow,
So others may live.