It looks like you're using an Ad Blocker.

Please white-list or disable AboveTopSecret.com in your ad-blocking tool.

Thank you.

 

Some features of ATS will be disabled while you continue to use an ad-blocker.

 

On the prospect of losing my father

page: 2
18
<< 1   >>

log in

join
share:

posted on Aug, 19 2018 @ 11:27 PM
link   
a reply to: valiant

thank you friend




posted on Aug, 20 2018 @ 04:03 AM
link   
a reply to: BlueJacket

I am sorry to hear this on two counts.

I am sorry for YOUR suffering the emotional fallout from the impending loss of your father, of course.

But I am also sorry that the individual you pour this emotion out for, from what you describe, seems to be worthy only of contempt, scorn and spite. He does not deserve you.

Personally speaking, I cut my father out of my life years ago, and if I saw him now I would break his back across my knee, and smile while doing it, over much less than you put up with from your father. I have no idea how you can even see fit to go to the effort of expending the salt and liquid necessary to form tears on the man.



posted on Aug, 20 2018 @ 01:45 PM
link   

originally posted by: TrueBrit
a reply to: BlueJacket

I am sorry to hear this on two counts.

I am sorry for YOUR suffering the emotional fallout from the impending loss of your father, of course.

But I am also sorry that the individual you pour this emotion out for, from what you describe, seems to be worthy only of contempt, scorn and spite. He does not deserve you.

Personally speaking, I cut my father out of my life years ago, and if I saw him now I would break his back across my knee, and smile while doing it, over much less than you put up with from your father. I have no idea how you can even see fit to go to the effort of expending the salt and liquid necessary to form tears on the man.



I understand the tendency to feel this way, and your motivations and reasons for doing so are yours alone. Every single human being is ultimately flawed and fallible, and I can't imagine that changing anytime soon.

I think there's probably a line, imaginary or not, that once crossed, makes forgiveness impossible. Maybe I'm just one of the fortunate ones who, at least at this time in my life, have never found it. If so, well, at least there's that.

As I mentioned in my previous reply to the OP, my father had a terrible temper when I was young, and as a result, my childhood was very unpleasant, and my relationship with him was complicated in the extreme.

But, the thing is, all those early negative experiences had a HUGE influence on the man I grew up to be, and I decided very early in life that I would do anything to prevent MY daughter and son from growing up in that kind of environment.

It shaped my relationship with them in ways I can't even articulate, and by extension, shaped and influenced the relationship they have with THEIR children. They grew up to be the two most incredible people I've ever known, and the two best friends I will ever have.

Joe Walsh, the guitar player with the Eagles, said something once that has resonated with me ever since I heard it. He said "As you live your life, it appears to be anarchy and chaos, and random events, non-related events, smashing into each other and causing this situation or that situation, and then, this happens, and it’s overwhelming, and it just looks like what in the world is going on ? And later, when you look back at it, it looks like a finely crafted novel. But at the time, it don’t.”

In the end, I was fortunate. When my dad passed, there was nothing left unsaid between the two of us.

I pray every single day that when I go, my kids are able to say the same thing.

I don't know what happened in your situation, and I'm truly very, very sorry for what happened to you, what ever it was. Maybe I could never understand, but maybe I DO understand. What I CAN tell you is that I wrote this entire post, and tears didn't start streaming down my face until I started writing THIS paragraph. If it's truly too late, and that line I spoke of really has been crossed in your case, so be it. But I've learned to trust my gut over the years, and I would simply ask you to look inside, and make sure before you close that door forever.

Wamp.



posted on Aug, 22 2018 @ 05:16 AM
link   
a reply to: MteWamp

Its a done deal.

I either have nothing to do with him, never see him again, or I slay him dead where he stands. There are no grey spaces between me and him. He is a sociopath, a toxic, selfish piece of effluent, and the only way I can avoid becoming like him, is to be his enemy. Given that I would rather die than emulate him, the path ahead is clear.



posted on Aug, 22 2018 @ 03:12 PM
link   
a reply to: TrueBrit

I used to feel something similar, when I was much younger and vastly more pugnacious. Something changed when I had a child later in life. I wanted her to have a family and extended family, that I never did.

It didnt really work out too well, but it was a dramatic improvement over what I received, so I went through the motions for my daughters sake...or so I told myself.

I feel what you feel, but my need to offer my daughter a better experience...right or wrong, lead to a softening of my heart to some degree.

Every time I saw/ see either one of my parents Im ruined for days, to the degree that my wife never wanted me to see them. I dont have an answer to your question, other than I have felt I was doing the right thing...then when his death became immenent...I got suprised by an inordinant amount of unwravelling feelings that must of been knotted up somewhere in my psyche.
edit on 22-8-2018 by BlueJacket because: (no reason given)



posted on Aug, 23 2018 @ 05:34 AM
link   
a reply to: BlueJacket

I just hope that YOU gain peace. Thats the main thing.

Its not absent or dangerous parents that are the real problem in a life, its that having parents like that steals your peace, even if you are really good at controlling yourself. Gaining peace though, protects you and those around you from the echoes of the past. To gain peace, you have to let those emotions out, from the mental appendix they have been lodged in, so consider that random outpouring positive!


As for parenting in general... You said that "it was a dramatic improvement over what I received". Friend, one parent to another, that is all any of us can hope for, especially if we came out of dark places ourselves. We are products of shadows, determined to shed light on our children, despite the gloom from which we came. Every shining moment of their lives, that is unrelated to the traumas we have experienced, is a victory for us, over our pasts. Be joyous for all of them.




top topics
 
18
<< 1   >>

log in

join