originally posted by: TrueBrit
a reply to: BlueJacket
I am sorry to hear this on two counts.
I am sorry for YOUR suffering the emotional fallout from the impending loss of your father, of course.
But I am also sorry that the individual you pour this emotion out for, from what you describe, seems to be worthy only of contempt, scorn and spite.
He does not deserve you.
Personally speaking, I cut my father out of my life years ago, and if I saw him now I would break his back across my knee, and smile while doing it,
over much less than you put up with from your father. I have no idea how you can even see fit to go to the effort of expending the salt and liquid
necessary to form tears on the man.
I understand the tendency to feel this way, and your motivations and reasons for doing so are yours alone. Every single human being is ultimately
flawed and fallible, and I can't imagine that changing anytime soon.
I think there's probably a line, imaginary or not, that once crossed, makes forgiveness impossible. Maybe I'm just one of the fortunate ones who, at
least at this time in my life, have never found it. If so, well, at least there's that.
As I mentioned in my previous reply to the OP, my father had a terrible temper when I was young, and as a result, my childhood was very unpleasant,
and my relationship with him was complicated in the extreme.
But, the thing is, all those early negative experiences had a HUGE influence on the man I grew up to be, and I decided very early in life that I would
do anything to prevent MY daughter and son from growing up in that kind of environment.
It shaped my relationship with them in ways I can't even articulate, and by extension, shaped and influenced the relationship they have with THEIR
children. They grew up to be the two most incredible people I've ever known, and the two best friends I will ever have.
Joe Walsh, the guitar player with the Eagles, said something once that has resonated with me ever since I heard it. He said "As you live your
life, it appears to be anarchy and chaos, and random events, non-related events, smashing into each other and causing this situation or that
situation, and then, this happens, and it’s overwhelming, and it just looks like what in the world is going on ? And later, when you look back at
it, it looks like a finely crafted novel. But at the time, it don’t.”
In the end, I was fortunate. When my dad passed, there was nothing left unsaid between the two of us.
I pray every single day that when I go, my kids are able to say the same thing.
I don't know what happened in your situation, and I'm truly very, very sorry for what happened to you, what ever it was. Maybe I could never
understand, but maybe I DO understand. What I CAN tell you is that I wrote this entire post, and tears didn't start streaming down my face until I
started writing THIS paragraph. If it's truly too late, and that line I spoke of really has been crossed in your case, so be it. But I've learned to
trust my gut over the years, and I would simply ask you to look inside, and make sure before you close that door forever.