a reply to: ttobban
2015...She discovered Tinder and told me it was just harmless fun and was enjoying the attention she got from it. The next week I was more like a
brother to her and she had met a guy she just had to meet. Now I may be a patient guy but this was the straw that broke this camels back.
I told her that if she was going to go through with this our relationship would be over. She understood and the next day me and 4 kids drove her to
the train station. "Where's mommy going dad?", "Mommy needs a little break. She staying with a friend this weekend so we'll have the house to
ourselves for some fun"..
Side note: For those with knowledge in the field of psychology, borderline personality disorder would be a correct guess
The weekend went by and she returned with nothing but a bad experience and how she regretted her decision. She was really sorry and with help she was
sure that we would get through this...Although it broke my heart to leave the kids, there I was with nothing but a bag of clothes and no place to
Are you still reading? Hang in there, the drama is just beginning...
In the years before my dad had finally fallen victim to his own greed and the pyramid scheme he and his buddies had organized had come crashing down
and somebody owed somebody 126 million dollars. People went to jail, everybody got poor real quick or left for China and all of a sudden my parents
became really nice, down-to-earth people. I guess it was a sobering experience and of course they wanted to help me by offering a place to sleep.
So there I was, a grown man, 37 years old, living with his parents and finding a way to keep seeing my kids.
At first my ex offered for me to stay at our house every weekend so I could see the kids and she would sleep (read: party) somewhere else. I really
had no other choice if I wanted to see my kids and took up the offer.
It were the darkest days of my life and I still have to thank a certain member on ATS for giving me support through private messaging, whatsapp and
even offering a place to stay with him in England....I love you man!!!
I was trying like crazy to find my own place near to my kids but housing association replied that the waiting list was at least 5 years. Desperation
was tightening it's grip and insanity was looming. According to me I was the most miserable person in the world.
It was in these days that I had received a request to help out a single mother of two girls who had been abandoned by her alcoholic husband because he
couldn't deal with the consequences of her breast cancer. She had a WII-console for her girls and it broke and she couldn't afford a new one. I went
over to her house and tried to fix the problem (which didn't work and ended up with me looking for a used one on Ebay). The following week I went over
to her to deliver the WII and she was sitting in her garden.
We started talking and she told me about all the things that had happened to her. When she was 26 when she was diagnosed with breast cancer, she had
to deal with the eventuality that she would have to leave her two daughter to grow up without a mother, had all the lymph notes removed from her right
arm which left her just short of disabled because she couldn't lift more than 4 pounds with that arm, a never ending stream of migraine attacks and
gained 100 pounds because of the chemo therapy.
It was at that exact moment that I felt a sense of shame for having pitied myself so much. Here's somebody who has it even worse than you and she is
doing okay, looking up instead of down, full of life and love. When I told her my story she said: "are you going to fix your problems today? You can't
go back and change it and maybe tomorrow things will be different so why not enjoy right now?"
She really put things into perspective. So after having stayed with my parents for 3 months I moved in with her and we would look for a home near my
kids from there. from the get-go her two girl are in love with me. Of course they also filled my desire to raise kids and help them grow and they have
a special place in my heart.
Side note: Her eldest daughter (12 years old) skipped fathers day this year which kind of disappointed me but on Monday morning she stood by my bed
and told me:" Any man can be a father but today we're celebrating Dad-day, happy Dad-day"
But of course my ex was still in the picture. Since I left the house her actions became more erratic. I would get phone calls in the middle of the
night about how she was cutting herself and loosing her grip on reality. I can't count how often I had to leave work because she called and threatened
to hurt the kids if I didn't come and take them away from her. But when I got there she said everything was fine. and this process repeated over and
We agreed that the children would be with me every other weekend and I pick them up and bring them back. On bringing my kids back my old neighbor
approached me and asked me if she could talk to me about the situation next door. So I came in and she started telling me about all the shouting,
fighting, drunken boyfriends, windows breaking and how she was really concerned about it all. I guess my ex must have seen me enter the neighbors
house because before we knew it she was banging and kicking on the front door. My neighbor of course opened the front door and my ex comes flying in
kicking, screaming and literally tearing the place apart, blood everywhere and 4 kids standing outside looking in and crying.
I've had phone calls from my kids in fear because mom is throwing stuff again and breaking everything. The weird thing is usually the next day
everything is back to normal and when I confront my ex with her behavior she denies it and tells me everything is under control now..
My youngest son (then 6 years old) )suffered the most damage from his mother and got beat up a couple of times. So one day she calls me up to tell me
that he is probably insane and needs a psychiatrist but since there are no Dutch speaking psychiatrists in Germany and her health insurance doesn't
cover healthcare abroad I should take him because she doesn't want him any more. Needless to say I picked him up immediately and he now lives with us.
Of course I coordinated this with his former school and they were glad he was going to be living with me for his safety. They didn't understand why
his mother would say that he has mental problems and his new school confirms that it is a perfectly normal boy. He now lives with us 1,5 years, loves
his new "sisters" and he never wants to see his mother again..
So now I still have 3 kids living with their mother and my oldest son, the one I told you about earlier, out of 200 school days...he skipped 50.
Reason: "I was gaming till 04:00 in the morning and I didn't feel like going", at least that's what he tells me and his teachers when we organize a
meeting because mother is unreachable..
Normally you'd think that a phone call to some social service or even the police could sort things out. Well I used to live just across the border in
Germany and now I live in Holland and that is complicating things a whole lot. She still lives in our old house and the kids go to school in Holland.
She hasn't integrated in German society and doesn't speak a word German, neither do the kids, but refuses to go back to Holland because child support
in Germany is insanely higher than it is here.