So angry with God

a reply to: xBWOMPx

Thank you so much for your post. I quit Coffee 3 weeks ago and stopped all meds. I feel great! I will look into the tea as I clean up my life choice more.

Thank you for words on my losses as well as the OP.

Just knowing we all are going trough this world together is awe inspiring.

I have an older homeless man living in my 5th wheel. The other day he said "Dont grow old, its a trap!". Thats not exactly my decision I replied.

Made me think that my friends and love ones I lost truly are the lucky ones.

a reply to: Skorpiogurl

I am very sorry for your loss, and glad your faith is strong.

I turned my back on God/religion after my mum died.

Best decision I've ever made (personally), I hope you find it in your heart to forgive your God and celebrate your sisters life.

Very best of luck

a reply to: Skorpiogurl

Normally I'd have a thousands things to talk about for days with you...
But lately I've been so disappointed and hopeless...

I've sat here over 30min now thinking about this and.... ah... there's nothing much I'd want to say in public.

I know this anger with God thing all too well, I've been angry and upset with God my entire life.
You're lucky you haven't had to face years of it. It gets so deeply ingrained in your psyche and every day becomes just another round in the never ending war that can never be won. I cannot even describe it's depths.

a reply to: Skorpiogurl

My deepest sympathy to you and your family. I feel that your Sister is happy and pain free now. She wouldn't want you or the family to feel that you betrayed or abandoned her. There are so many compelling stories of people who have had near death experiences and they say it is so beautiful and they are filled with such peace, love and contentment that they don't wish to return here.


All is forgiven. Hold on to your memories, they are treasures.

I lost my Dad 11 years ago and in October it will make 3 years since my Mom passed. I'm no stranger to loss.

Wishing you the strength and courage that you need to see your way through. Much love and light and a gentle hug.

a reply to: muzzleflash

Inferno (Dante)

Deep

a reply to: Skorpiogurl

My Christian sister,

My prayers go out to you and your family. I have lost love ones and it hurts but we all die. We can only hope to see the resurrection.


ISAIAH 41:10
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.


PROVERBS 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

ROMANS 16:20
The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you.

Your brother in Christ

DS

originally posted by: ttropia
a reply to: muzzleflash

Inferno (Dante)

Deep

Paradise Lost (Milton)....

a reply to: Skorpiogurl

Sorry but praying to 'God' really won't achieve much.

If you had maybe 15-20 people all praying at the same time on the same premise....you might see results, because the power of 'God' dwells within all of us and when multiple people meditate upon the same objective their willpower can have some tangible effects.

I'm truly sorry for your loss, and I'm glad you are angry at God, hopefully enough to shake your faith and start along the path of true enlightenment.

p.s. you could always attempt to make contact with her on the otherside, but be weary.....she may not be the only one who answers.

a reply to: Cymru

This isn't the world God created, this isn't what He wants for us
This is what we made it

a reply to: Skorpiogurl


Take solace in the fact that Your sister is no longer in pain. Being a sufferer of Chronic Pain in both the back and neck, unless You've had a "bad back" there is no way to describe the pain. When that pain begins to 'shoot' it just aggravates every other 'thing'...

Also if You know someone else who has been taking Opiates and have wondered about weaning off, "Kratom" works great and takes the edge off the jones...

I'd bet You will experience Your Sister's presence if'n You can get quiet enough..

Stay Hydrated...

Catching up on replies.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply and offer condolences, advice and thoughts. Words aren't just words and I appreciate your time.

A couple of people had asked about how she got liver disease. That's a little fuzzy. For a little while she had very random symptoms. Like she'd be super bloated or real tired, she'd develop a rash, get an odd head-ache. The problem is that the symptoms were so sporadic and so far in-between it never occurred to anyone that there might be an underlying problem. Until one day at the beach her legs completely gave out and her eyes turned yellow. She was rushed in (three years ago), and we almost lost her back then.

The cause? who knows... we know she's had a "fatty liver". We also know that she's got some auto-immune issues similar to our mother. Our mother had full blown Lupus. We also know that she'd eaten many pain pills over the years, like candy! So maybe a combination of all of those things? She was not a drinker. She'd have a couple of glasses of wine on a Friday night that's about it.

I believe I read a comment or two about trying to reach her spirit of something? Thanks but no thanks. I don't play with that stuff.

For all of you who can related due to suffering your own losses, you have my condolences as well.

I am very sorry for your loss.

In situations like these, it seems like, you heaved well, you did right, prayed in Jesus name and what?
Now you are suffering, like God does not care. Here you are, perhaps, the only thing you really wanted of God, not even for your own benefit directly.... And it is not answered

I am going to be Frank with you. Perhaps a bit of tough love, bit here it goes.

You are suffering. Suffering derives from the ego. It will stop once you walk through spirit.

Is that not what it says in the Christian scriptures, that if you live in the spirit, you will not live according to the flesh?

Consider then, the fruit of the spirit..... It nowhere says angry, pissed off, bur rather to keep that sentiment as was exhibited by Jesus: not my will bit your will be done.

So, all in all, it is not the good ones that suffer, but those who have not yet considered the following

You suffer, and it provides depth and empathy to you, you would not have, had you not suffered like you did. Until such time you recognise it was not at all necessary, as empathy flows from love, from the spirit. Not from your experience....

This is not about forcefully submission but rather surrender.

I wish you peace.

a reply to: Yvhmer

Okay. I hear that. Can you elaborate more? Because when it comes right down to it, all of the "suffering", the anger, the sadness of loss really comes down to being selfish. I have always believed that. I am feeling all of these things for myself when in reality I should be feeling elated that she got to finally go home.

Hash-tag torn in two!

It would help if you were worshipping the right image of God. No wonder peeps are pissed. You believe Jesus is up there watching and doing very little to chip in and sleeve our suffereing. The Christians then make up all these silly excuses or flat out just blame it on us. But that image is wrong. Jesus is down here and always was going through life with us as fully human. Read Isa again. The sacrifice that would pease the Father isn’t watching his son die, but allowing him to reincarnate over and over along with the rest of us. This is how he overcomes for us, not some bull# few hours of suffering a common criminals death.

a reply to: Skorpiogurl

My condolences to you and yours. The feeling to lose, or to believe one has lost, an indiividual so dear to us, is an unnatural burden, perhaps one of illusion even.

Just know that your cries are heard, and that the tears for your loved ones are well met, with love and solace.

Just row your boat

a reply to: Skorpiogurl
First, I am so, so sorry for your loss and that it ended so badly. Secondly, I want to qualify myself before I answer: I too am a Christian and have a deep faith in God. A little over a year ago my wife stuck a gun to her head and killed herself. I found her shortly thereafter lying in a pool of blood in our living room. I know pain and suffering like yours.

Having said that, I want to give a few more details. I was an armed security guard and she used my service weapon to do the deed. She was a hardcore alcoholic, had PTSD, suffered chronic back pain, depression, and a couple of other things I don't know how to spell. So many times I asked God to take away her suffering and even give it to me if need be. But, for whatever reason, the answer was "no".

I want to tell you that it is okay to be angry with God, He understands. He does not expect us to understand Him all the time. How can the creation understand the Creator. It was not God's will for Jenn to kill her self, but it was His permissive will, or in other words, He permitted it to happen. One thing that God assured me of it this; He does not make mistakes. It's utterly impossible. No, I don't understand, but I still trust Him.

I have suffered greatly since this happened. My health has failed, I've lost 40 pounds (10 of which I have gained back). I can't work due to arthritis which showed up almost overnight, I suffer depression, just to name a few. I know God has a reason for all of this, but I confess I have no idea what it is.

What you are going through is horrible, and the grief that you will go through will be horrible as well. I encourage you to seek a good counselor, it really helps. Personally, I go twice a week and don't see myself stopping anytime soon. Surround yourself with people that love you and won't mind hearing your story as often as you need to tell it.

Continue to trust God and be patient with Him. He has never let you down, and He never will. Lastly, please, please feel free to PM me if you ever would like to vent, or just talk to someone that can relate.

Sincerely,
Marcus

originally posted by: JerryMH
It would help if you were worshipping the right image of God. No wonder peeps are pissed. You believe Jesus is up there watching and doing very little to chip in and sleeve our suffereing. The Christians then make up all these silly excuses or flat out just blame it on us. But that image is wrong. Jesus is down here and always was going through life with us as fully human. Read Isa again. The sacrifice that would pease the Father isn’t watching his son die, but allowing him to reincarnate over and over along with the rest of us. This is how he overcomes for us, not some bull# few hours of suffering a common criminals death.

And how exactly do you know what image of God I am worshipping?

a reply to: seeashrink

I sent you a message.

a reply to: Skorpiogurl

it's pretty obvious you were led to believe Jesus is seeing your problems. He's not and you are pissed. Why would you even be angry if you didn't believe it that?

originally posted by: JerryMH
a reply to: Skorpiogurl

it's pretty obvious you were led to believe Jesus is seeing your problems. He's not and you are pissed. Why would you even be angry if you didn't believe it that?

Well Jerry MH -
First let me say thanks for assuming you're right inside my head. Second, nice job pointing out the flaws in my words and my misconceptions in my view-point. Exactly what I was looking for! Third, you have to idea what I was led to believe and you couldn't be further from the truth. "Jesus seeing my problems." Well isn't that special of you to consider the suffering and loss of a loved one a "Problem". Pretty ridiculous man! Finally, why don't you take your opinion and your conclusion and... Well, I'm just not going to be so mean as to finish that sentence.

Don't you DARE assume to know me, don't you dare judge me on any level.