uncomfortable situation at work. how would you have handled it?

so this dude it work likes to grab peoples shoulder and give a little squeeze and rub it while he s talking to you.
it is creepy. i m not the only one he does this to.

it is not just a pat on the shoulder like hey man. he gets real close and just kind of starts doing a 1 handed massage deal on your shoulder.

i need to say i do not like to be touched. it is different if i put myself into a situation like when i go to jiu jitsu class. im ready and i know where i am going and what is going to be happening and it is all good.
much different than when i am trying to explain something to this dude at work for example.

the thing is i have told him to stop at least 5 times.

at first i would just kind of move his hand off and tell him to stop or ask what the # he is doing.

the frustrating part is this weirdo just does not get it. he will look directly at you and smile and/or laugh and do it again or keep doing it.

yesterday he did it to me and i was firm but direct and i told him again. i dont like to be touched. i dont want to create a thing at work but stop touching me. then he just smiles and said he will put a glove on and goes to grab me again.

it is to the point i am pissed off. i am not scared of the guy. i dont feel like i am being sexually harassed. it is just weird and the bottom line is i dont like it.
he does other weird # too. someone will be standing there and he will walk up behind them and smell their hair. like real close to them.
things like that

anyway i emailed his supervisor(she was off) and told her about it(basically to create a record of it) and told her about it and told her i need her to talk to him about it like right now before it moves further

i feel like i am taking the right steps.

even though he has hands on me if i smash him my job will be on the line.
i told him directly to his face so there could be no misunderstanding but it is not sinking in

i am pissed off too because i dont feel like i should have to explain or justify how i feel
i dont like to be touched so stop #ing grabbing me and rubbing my shoulder



did i handle this wrong?
how would you handle it?

a reply to: TinySickTears

Sounds like you did the right thing.
If you could have cc'd the HR dept also that might have been good. I've experienced supervisors saying "uh, I never got that email" before, unfortunately.

Don't punch him out if you can help it.

originally posted by: TNMockingbird
a reply to: TinySickTears

Sounds like you did the right thing.
If you could have cc'd the HR dept also that might have been good. I've experienced supervisors saying "uh, I never got that email" before, unfortunately.

Don't punch him out if you can help it.

i could have CC'd HR but i dont want it to explode into something it is not.
she cant say she never got it cause i have a copy in my sent folder

i dont want the dude to get fired or anything like that. he is a single dad. trying... he is just weird and he does # like that.

i have told my supervisor too just so he knows

she gets back Monday and if it is not handled then i will go to HR

The guy is a little weird. I have met people like that before, I learned to avoid them quickly. I do not know why some people do that, my uncle would do that, he by no means was gay. I have not seen that done by anyone in my generation around here, thank god that was buried with the last generation. I don't understand the significance of that gesture. I had a few bosses that did that over they years too, maybe someone here will know why some guys do that.

a reply to: TinySickTears

Sounds about as good as you can do. Wait and see what the super has to say about it.

Many years ago I used to work for a Swedish engineering company. Sweeds are notoriously tactile and used to do exactly as you have described, there's sinister about it, but yeah I agree it's #ing irritating particularly when you're not used to it.

My solution was pretty much what you've done and it worked, so just hang out for a bit and see what happens.

a reply to: TinySickTears

You report it to HR. Or if there is no HR to the boss. If he's the boss you tell a lawyer.
You are now part of the me too movement.

a reply to: TinySickTears

You handled it just right.
I am certain his supervisor will act on this.

originally posted by: Sillyolme
a reply to: TinySickTears

You report it to HR. Or if there is no HR to the boss. If he's the boss you tell a lawyer.
You are now part of the me too movement.

i dont want t be a part of any movement.


it puts me in a weird spot cause i cant smash him. dont even want to at this moment. i also dont want to be the guy that runs and tells the boss.

but i want it to stop you know.

i shouldnt have to be touched and rubbed when i dont want it

a reply to: TinySickTears

Calmly reach up, wristlock him and use gentle pain compliance to remove his hand back to his own personal space. It looks gentle to anyone watching. And can generally be done one handed from the opposite side. Also state loud enough for others to hear, that you have told him several times now, not to touch you without permission. Do not release until he meets your eye, and says out loud that he understands now.

Ask your instructor for advice on best technique. Martial Arts training is every bit as much about mindset training, as the physical part too. Maybe this situation will inform your practice in that way, as well.

a reply to: TinySickTears

Well now we have something that I am an expert at handling. I represent a few major corporations and handle these types of situations very often. Since I work for corporate individuals that have these types of altercation covered through a department means that you may not have these at your disposal.
When something like this gets handed over to me I make a personal phone call to the harassed one. If I can’t make contacts then I send a newbie from my goon squad to make contact.
In your situation I would never just show up because that will raise some eyebrows and inevitably hurt the cause. You never know how dangerous or crazy someone can be that acts in that manner.
It would seem to me that he is attempting to be the dominant one in the room. That type of situation can often be the most difficult to handle.
If you have a PR go to them in person. NEVER call the anonymous help line. FYI they are not anonymous. Make contact with someone face to face Tell them what is going on. After that my advice would be to take a few sick days and let the dominoes fall.

I'm not sayin to have a couple FBI looking friends in trench coats meet him in the parking lot to convince him his actions are unwanted and shoot him in the knees, then kick the living ........ oh wait, that was a movie, Sherlock I believe, on Netflix........

I would get in his face, an inch away and simply say "This is your LAST warning, stop" After that, if it continued..... the parking lot might be a good place to encourage him to back off. Leave it to your imagination.



......bring several ominous looking friends to stand close in a circle... in all likelihood it will be enough.

originally posted by: Sillyolme
a reply to: TinySickTears

You handled it just right.
I am certain his supervisor will act on this.

im positive she is going to say something
his supervisor and I have a very good relationship. friendly. she talks to me about issues and i talk to her. her husband is a supervisor in the metal room. he is cool too.

i just get anxiety about this #.

i wish he would have just listened to what i said and stopped and everything can get back to normal. no hard feelings. its like it never happened.

but now i dont know.

not sure how he is going to react to her talking to him.
i dont want more drama

i dont need to be asked/confronted about why i went to the boss.
you know?

i just dont want it to escalate.

a reply to: TinySickTears

It will probably end up there anyway.
Look you want him to stop right? Then you have to be loud because the idiot didn't get subtle. He didn't take a hint and he actually ridiculed you for not accepting his touching by saying he'd wear a glove. He's not going to get the message unless he's disciplined by the company.

originally posted by: Allaroundyou
. After that my advice would be to take a few sick days and let the dominoes fall.

thanks for the advice but i am not burning my days because of this guy.

originally posted by: Plotus
I'm not sayin to have a couple FBI looking friends in trench coats meet him in the parking lot to convince him his actions are unwanted and shoot him in the knees, then kick the living ........ oh wait, that was a movie, Sherlock I believe, on Netflix........

I would get in his face, an inch away and simply say "This is your LAST warning, stop" After that, if it continued..... the parking lot might be a good place to encourage him to back off. Leave it to your imagination.

Straight up possibly the worst advice you could give. Situations like these are better handled in the COMPLETE opposite manner.

originally posted by: Plotus


I would get in his face, an inch away and simply say "This is your LAST warning, stop" After that, if it continued..... the parking lot might be a good place to encourage him to back off. Leave it to your imagination.

a big part of me telling my boss and emailing his boss is to create a record of it so if i do smash im later i can at least say hey. this has been a problem and nothing was done. i told him directly. i told my boss. i told his boss.

am i just supposed to deal with it indefinitely?

its so strange when you are direct with someone and they just laugh it off.
i was to the point and direct. i did not threaten. he still just smiles

i dont want a physical situation at work.
im 40 years old man. i have responsibilities.

i cant risk my job for this but it is hard in the moment.
maybe i get a little more cranked up than most but the bottom line is i do not like to be touched and i feel like i should not have to be

Email your supervisor again and them her you are going to file a complaint with the state if this isn't handled internally. Use the word "harassment". Scares the # out of management.

I don't know what else you could do, besides look him in the eye the moment his hand meets your shoulder and firmly say "NO!" (as if talking to a dog) as you push his hand away. If you say this loudly enough that others take notice, all the better. He is ignoring your clearly stated boundaries. He needs sharp correction now, like an animal.

originally posted by: intrepid
Email your supervisor again and them her you are going to file a complaint with the state if this isn't handled internally. Use the word "harassment". Scares the # out of management.

BWAHAHAHA that is so true. That word screams lawsuit and requires immediate attention.
You got this tiny sick tears.
BTW if you work in the pharmaceutical arena just shoot me a PM and I will do my best to correct the situation immediately.

a reply to: TinySickTears

No you can't smash him you're right.
You did the right thing.
I was being facetious when I said you're part of the me too movement.
I think however that you're a bit closer to understanding the issue.
Unwanted touches, unwanted advances are both invasions of privacy and personal space and people just need to learned a new set of social rules.
I used to call the girls who worked the counter in my store honey or sweety all the time but then I hired this company to come in and talk about the issue because a salesperson was getting handsy too. In that little seminar I learned that my simple terms of endearment were not acceptable and I had to change my speech patterns.
I hope you get the results you want. otherwise you can always duck and weave when the dude talks to you so he can't get a handhold.