I am tired

Oh you poor thing.

Try some gratitude for having a roof over your head, a job, a computer.... the list goes on and on.

a reply to: mblahnikluver

SNIP

You knew the condition before you moved in, did you think it would magically be fixed. So let's say you were optimistic that your landlord would fix things, well it's been two years so anything at this point is on you. It's only going to get worse.

I have some advice for you, I am not trying to be mean. I am trying to be real and help you. Do whatever you can to better yourself. Do two jobs, do three jobs. Yes you might have a kid, yes you might be tired, well do your day job and sell crap on Ebay at night, babysit, crochet, write a blog. There are a zillion ways to make some side cash that you can do while being with your kid. Don't tell me it can't be done, because I know for a fact it can, and it isn't as hard as most people like to make it out to believe. The time you spent writing your vent on here could be spent learning a new skill online. It does not always take money to make money, but it does take a strong will. If anything do it for your kid since his dad sounds like a loser.

Read articles online about being more resilient, about being grateful instead of angry. You are at a crux in your life and how you choose to move forward will decide your future. You've made some mistakes, picking a crappy place to live, having a child with a loser, and getting a lousy job. Notice a trend, you've picked these things. Time to start demanding better for yourself. Write down goals for yourself, follow through. If you are young, these are all learning experiences.

If you want to stop being treated like a doormat, stop being one. Why in the heck are you paying your landlord months in advance. You could use some of that money to buy stuff and resell, buy supplies for a job. Your landlord does not owe you a thank you, he is offering you a place and you are paying for it, it is a transaction. Don't spend one cent improving that place, because you will not get the money back and are in essence paying rent twice. Save up that money for a new place or for a future place.

If you are mad at this post, I want you to know that I have been in your shoes. Yes, I lived in a crap place, I was a single mom fighting for child support, and had a job that was taking advantage of me big time. I know what complete exhaustion feels like (i worked 3 jobs at one time once). I know how it feels and that it feels totally helpless sometimes. It isn't. It wasn't the people that coddled me that helped me grow, it was the people that pushed me to the edge. Those that used me and those that made me expect more of myself helped me grow. I'm happy to say that life is a lot easier now and I truly hope that will be your case too.

There is a quote that one of my worst bosses used to repeat from Einstein, but I still love it.
"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results”

a reply to: mblahnikluver



Ummm...sounds like someones European vacation relationship just fell apart...

Anyway......have a cold one and try to relax and take your mind off of it...









YouSir

a reply to: mblahnikluver

There is nothing like being mentally exhausted over and above being physically exhausted and still trying to be the best parent possible for your child.

Have you considered getting a roommate, perhaps another mother? You both can support each other, take care of each other's child when need be and the children get to have a buddy. I would hate to have to get a roommate so don't think I'm throwing that idea at you lightly. But, it is another option.

Check this out: www.workaway.info...
Lots of people have farms, or just a cottage, or are elderly - any number of reasons - in which they need extra help and they are willing to bargain: you get to live in their home and be fed as long as you provide a service of some sort. This may be an option and perhaps you could help after your regular job hours. And, they aren't looking for qualified people half the time, they just need extra help.

Would you be better off in a rooming house/housesitting situation?

Good luck.

a reply to: mblahnikluver

I was in a similar situation as you a while ago. My rented house was affordable, but moldy and falling apart. The landlady had limited resources, so the situation was not getting better. Winters were making things less tolerable, and my health was starting to suffer as a result. Work was becoming unstable under a new wave of draconian micro-managers.

It seemed like things we're going from bad to worse. The only solution for me was to ask God what He wanted me to learn from the situation and how to learn it, so that I could graduate to the next level of challenges of life. God really does answer all prayers if you approach Him on His terms.

Now, I live in a much warmer climate, with a better work situation. The work is more physically taxing, and the money is less, but my cost of living is way less, and my health is much better. On top of that, I have more time to pursue more important priorities. The problems didn't go away, they simply changed. New environment, new types of problems, but I now have the capacity to navigate through them.

I hope you'll meditate upon that, and I wish you the best.

a reply to: mblahnikluver

It says your location is Mars...

That's your problem, damn Martian landlords are useless.

I kid of course. I feel for you, it irks the hell out of me when landlords don't do their duty. Unfortunately I live in the UK so I don't really have much to offer in terms of legalities or rights, seems you've already looked into this though... Florida seems to be a really screwy place for renters.

I will say this though, from my experience landlord's hate empty properties and a bad reputation can be strangling on cowboy landlords. I won't tell you to report him/her, I get the feel that you'd rather a roof over your child's head than risking being homeless.

It's a genuinely sad situation, I wish I could offer more than kind words and support. If you were in the UK I'd have happily support you getting what you deserve. We wouldn't accept out if date food or a half eaten sandwich from the store, it shouldn't be any different in regards to tenancy.

Genuinely hoping your landlord sorts this out or you find alternative accommodation in a relatively stress free manner.

I'd keep an eye on that mold too, I'd personally be weary of stagnant water within the building also. Yours and the child's health comes first.

Fingers crossed you get this solved asap.

originally posted by: mblahnikluver

originally posted by: caterpillage
Sounds like a new job and place to live is in order.
Things are certainly not looking like they are going to improve as is.
If that's not an option you're willing to embark on, then as the old saying goes, suck it up buttercup!

The only one who has the power to change your situation. Is you.

Suck it up? Seriously? This is the RANT forum. If you don't like a rant then please go elsewhere. I live in a place with mold, bolted windows and needless other hazards. I can't insure myself due to the conditions and I am to suck it up?...

Indeed. Yes suck it up unless you're going to take the steps to fix it. If you Are, or have the plan set in motion to do So, then you are In fact not sucking it up, and are preparing to fix your situation. If Not, then um, I guess you're not.

And just as this is a rant forum on a publicly accessible web site and you have your place to pitch a bitch. I have the same right to speak mine, ?

Now, that, you need to totally suck up.

You're got a pretty damn full plate, Mblah. I know you're frustrated & worn out, but I'm going to offer up some advice/opinions even if it's of the irritating/unwanted variety.

originally posted by: mblahnikluver
I have a roof that leaks ALL the time. My ceiling in my room is about to cave in, no joke.

I have all my windows nailed shut, mold, walls that leak when it rains heavy, window AC units that barely work and freeze over, plumbing that you have to flush the toilet a minimum of 5 times for it to go down.

Sure I could call code on him and he would be utterly screwed but so would I. See I live in FloriDUH and there are ZERO laws to protect renters. So if I called sure he would be fined to no end and I would pay rent into an escrow type account BUT he can legally evict me by saying he chooses not to rent anymore yet anyone with a brain would know it's because I reported him. I have had a code enforcement officer tell me this is why people don't report landlords here. Now isn't that unfair? A tenant who pays rent yet a landlord can get away with having a place not up to code and unsafe. I could write a thread on the issues with this place. I can't afford to move because I everything where I live is minimum $1000 for a 2/1. It sucks......

You got bad advice, people report LLs down there quite often. My best friend was on a previous LL's ass constantly to get their dump fixed up to code, reported the guy several times a year until all fixes were done. Her ace up the sleeve was withholding rent because she fell under guidelines to do so (you must give notice to withhold, I think it's a legal form to fill out)
You can report him for unsafe living conditions, there's codes he legally HAS to be up to. Like I said, you also can withhold rent (again, with notice) if you fall within those guidelines.
I haven't poked round much, but this link is a start. Be thorough & make sure you t's are crossed & i's are dotted before you go down this one, you want to make sure you're legally Teflon-coated so he can't screw you.
www.nolo.com...

I am tired of my ex husband getting away with not paying court ordered child support and I am expected to spend money on a lawyer to enforce a court order.

I personally think it's not worth it to keep going after him. You can't make someone comply if they can get around it. Obviously, he's a few steps ahead of you somehow. Think of it this way: CS didn't used to be mandatory and single moms hacked it for decades without the extra money. Widows did that, too. If they could do it, surely there's a way for you to, too.
If you haven't already, see if you qualify for state-funded childcare. IIR, you make about the same as my best friend did when she had one kid & her former husband was in jail for a couple of years (it's a long, infuriating story that involves being the wrong guy charged & sentenced) That enabled her to keep working and go study for a CNA license that she ended up not putting to use.

Failing that, if you're religious and attend any churches, see if they have childcare offerings. Even if you don't have an affiliations, find a denomination you're ok with and ask them if non-parishioners could apply (as an example, if push came to shove, this atheist would have no problem enrolling my kids in the neighborhood Christian Reformed church's childcare. We know the pastor & he knows us, we've been told they'd be welcome even though we don't attend)

I have gone to the court house and they give me a book of papers I can't understand so they sit in a pile.

Get thee to a search engine, and study it. You're going to feel like crying in a corner in short order, but study up. There's even forums out there for this kind of stuff if you're that determined. If you can't afford to pay someone to represent you, you have to learn to do it yourself. It's honestly the best advice I can give.

I am tired of a job where I feel like a doormat. No appreciation whatsoever. It's always "oh you should do this" or "take one for the team" yea no. I will pass. I love my job, it's who I work for I don't care for. I am so tired of them doing things that are downright shady and probably illegal in the insurance world and I get paid pennies. I recently did something that took me time to set up and now when those calls come in I do ALL the work and I get no credit for it. Another person at another office not even associated with mine gets the credit. I am tired of working for nothing. I have no benefits of any kind. Everything I was told when I was hired as far as bonus is now no longer. I am one person that does the job of 2-3 and probably paid the least.

I'm not sure what to suggest on this one. My husband's best advice once was to pick my "credit glory battles" very carefully as an employee because in a decade, you won't remember much of the details and it won't matter. I suppose trying to rethink/reevaluate how you view your job & yourself in it is something that can piggyback off his advice until you can find something else? Maybe? I don't know.

Why is it people who lie, cheat and steal get ahead more?

Many a time I have mused this one. My husband doesn't agree it's ok, either, because it shows flaws in ethics that can be detrimental to employers & families alike, but his opinion was pretty blunt. "People get away with it because it gets s# done easiest & quickest sometimes." Makes sense, turn a blind eye to questionable things if it gets something accomplished faster/better. Which in & of itself is questionable at best anyway, so...

Oh and i can't get renters insurance on the place because it would NEVER pass inspection so I am fully screwed if something happens.

That is your red flag to get on reporting your LL and making sure your refusal to pay rent until fixes are made is ironclad. You can legally do it in FL with notice given, the laws exist.

If you do anything at All, read jagstorms post, twice.

It is your rant, but I think most of us are tired in one way or another. Some it is coping with being old and rotting on the vine. Some it is cancer or other ailments we or loved one have. Some it is they can't sleep and are truly tired. Many like myself are so tired of the horrors and ugliness of the beautiful world and are trying to be patient until it is all over.

If you and your son are healthy, you have a lot there to be grateful for. There are always good things and some suffer so much more than we do especially because we have so much more in the USA than many.

a reply to: mblahnikluver

I am tired of my ex husband getting away with not paying court ordered child support and I am expected to spend money on a lawyer to enforce a court order

No , you are not. Go to the courthouse. In most states you can go there and they swear out a warrant. The spouse has to prove they paid or else....
No money needed by you.

originally posted by: SeaWorthy
It is your rant, but I think most of us are tired in one way or another. Some it is coping with being old and rotting on the vine. Some it is cancer or other ailments we or loved one have. Some it is they can't sleep and are truly tired. Many like myself are so tired of the horrors and ugliness of the beautiful world and are trying to be patient until it is all over.

If you and your son are healthy, you have a lot there to be grateful for. There are always good things and some suffer so much more than we do especially because we have so much more in the USA than many.

Totally agree. I'm pretty tired too. I'm working 55 to 60 hours a week. My day consists of getting up at 445 am, I check the wife's blood sugar, then change the wet to dry dressing on her foot wound that she has a third surgery scheduled for on Friday.
Then I give insulin as needed an make her breakfast and give pills.

Then it's off to work, I'm home by 5 pm at which time it's time to change the dressing, pills, sugar, insulin, and give an hour and a half of vancomycin via iv. Then I can do the dishes and make dinner. By 10 o'clock I have an hour or so to chill, then it's off to bed to do it all again.

Life sucks for everybody.

Hey MBlah! I'm sorry. I sure understand when things just get overwhelming. Sure seems when it rains, it pours, right?

First things first.
Take a hot bath. Or just try to meditate. You need to relax, and just try to tackle one issue at a time. I know it's hard, but that is reality. As much as we like to think we are, we aren't superwoman. Damn close, but not.

Why is it people who lie, cheat and steal get ahead more? How is that even ok? I was raised NOT to do any of those things yet it seems that is what people do now a days.

Honey, if I had the answer to this, I'd be rich. And I would split it with you! You know I dealt with that exact thing recently.

Things will get better. Ask for help. You'll get it.

a reply to: camain

Please use the reply button instead of large quotes please.

Gosh.. Im sorry. This sounds terrible and I can see how exhausting, depressing, and overwhelming it would be!
Are there any free legal advice deals there? You should be able to get those papers filed without a fee. Can you get a friend to help you fill them out and get them submitted? If there is indeed a fee, then go to the courthouse and ask about financial aid options.
Florida will enforce the child support payments for you once the paperwork is in order. If he is delinquent they will charge him a fee and if he still does not comply they will garnish wages. It is court ordered, you don't have to do it yourself!
Hang in there! Ask for help. People can help you with this, we just have to find them.

originally posted by: mblahnikluver
a reply to: camain

I live in FLORIDA! I do not live in your state. Every state is different.

They will garnish his wages once the paperwork is filed and no they don't have a percentage you pay. If it was that simple do you think I would be ranting about it? NO it would have been done already. Florida is terrible when it comes to this and enforcement. I can't afford what a lawyer wants and sure they can make him pay BUT I have to pay UPFRONT first and well I don't have that kind of money.

You need to find a lawyer willing to work PRO-BONO (free) and you would be surprised how many large firms would help if you ask. But you must explain why and show proof (records) also those who recently passed the bar are also willing to assist. Its hard work so put an ad in the paper or local online forums requesting help and you will find your relief.

Not a Florida resident but can't you file the papers in court yourself without the help of a lawyer? Pay for the forms and court process fees and file docs at local county court house? Make an appointment with local county judge and sit down with him/her and explain your issues.


EDIT LATER: I did not read entire post and I see others have made this recommendation to you. Good advice.

Good luck

a reply to: DeathSlayer

But was the rent not low because of the condition of the house? A house fixed up maybe twice the rent? Sometimes we want more but then we pay more don't we?

Future WGTOW member?

originally posted by: network dude
if you have decent credit, go buy a small place. A trailer with a little land should only be $500 or less each month. And you won't EVER have to deal with a landlord again.

I have actually been looking into buying but I am unsure I want to buy in Florida. Also not living in a trailer, not in this state. Unfortunately the trailer park stereotypes are probably written from Florida.

My bf and I will be deciding when I move overseas here in November but in the mean time I am stuck where I am. If I decide to buy something I would end up renting it to my mom. I KNOW she would be an excellent tenant as she has rented her place for 20 years and her landlord just happens to be MY landlords sister. Odd huh!

I have looked into first time buyer/single mom options for buying a home and just last week had a client I work with explain how it all works. Honestly I would rather do that! It would be a little more than what I pay now but at least it would be MY place. If I am going to live pay check to pay check I would rather do so in my own home than pay for someone else. So that is one option I have. I could use my income tax as a down payment too! So that is something i have been looking at very recently.

Follow up with the state services about child support. That should be free to you, but when dealing with state workers, they may not be the "super motivated kind", so you will have to stay on top of things and BE THE SQUEAKY WHEEL.

Florida from what I have been told is terrible with this and I have spent 3 years trying to get some help on this. It is absurd! I don't qualify for assistance for legal aid because apparently I make too much money. Not sure where they get that idea but it's laughable. I did get a referral from a local official (thanks to my mom calling while home) to a lawyer whom I have left messages with on Friday. I told him I just need help filing out the paperwork and that is it. So maybe an hour of his time is all I need.

while I feel bad for you, that won't help you at all. This might.

Thanks

Don't wait for someone to fix it for you, they won't. be aggressive, be persistent, and be sure you look out for you and your child. Excuses are nice, but they don't help, so leave them out of this. (tough love) Make things happen and have the kick ass and take names attitude when dealing with things. If you need help, let someone here know. We can holler at you and give you the virtual ass kicking anytime, you know, because we care.

Do your best and don't be afraid to ask for help.

In regards to where I live I have documented everything because I feel I will have to go to code enforcement. I will sue my landlord if need be and I bet many lawyers would take that on! The guy doesn't stand a chance. The only thing that keeps me from doing that is his daughter has been a friend of mine for 20 years. She knows my thoughts and of course defends her parents but I've told her that as a "business" what they are doing is wrong and unethical. I pay rent and they do not do their part and the roof is THEIR responsibility. I have done enough to that place on my own. They do not have a mortgage on the property so they only pay tax, so between me and my neighbor (place is a duplex) they pocket $1300/month. Their yearly tax bill is only $1200!!! So that is basically one month of rent from us, the rest they pocket. IMO one should save half of that and use it on the property when things need to be fixed, yet they do not. They have not done ONE single update to that place, ever. The only updates come from tenants who do it themselves. IF I showed you the kitchen before and after you would be shocked. These people own the two properties next to me as well and do nothing to them either and one their daughter lives in. If I had known they were going to be this bad I would never have moved in but at the time I needed a place, now two years later I'm done putting my own money into it and getting disrespected when I ask them to take care of something. In March I sent him a check for two months rent before I went overseas and I came home to a very nasty letter because he didn't get the check in time. I sent the check out on 3/5 and he got it sometime the following week. I mean I paid IN ADVANCE and he wants to threaten me? I am so over people treating me like a doormat.