Here Goes....Forced Birth Control?

All right. . .I haven't posted in a very long time. . . but here goes....

I have an incurable mental illness, and am with someone who is "Normal." For years we have spoken about having children...when the time was right.

I lost a child this past Christmas, and two years prior. This year, however, I was literally forced to be put on birth control. A brand new type called Micronor. I had no choice in the matter. I have told everyone that I wish to have children, and would get ambivalent nods. I was once told by a physician that it would be okay, as long as I quit my meds three months prior to trying. That my maternal instincts would take over and I would be fine. But......now I am told a variety of phrases. It's Best. It's Good For You, You Really Need to Take This.

Yet I would never, ever harm a child. My partner would share the responsibilities with me. I truly believe what that physician said...about maternal instincts.

I have the same emotions as all women my age. The same wants. When you read articles about women being severely abusive to their children, most of the witnesses say that she seemed like the perfect mother. Most of their friends are speechless.

Okay...in my diary I readily admit my shortcomings. But wouldn't my instincts over-ride my shortcomings? I know right from wrong. . .

Could it be because "The Man" doesn't want people like me to procreate? I know of people who are worse off than I who have children. It breaks my heart when I hear of fetal alcohol syndrome. Why are alcoholics allowed, but not me?

Please don't tell me to talk to my physician...I've spoken about it dozens of times. I get strange answers, even though this person isn't around me 24/7.

It just isn't fair. It really isn't. Or is it?
Dot.

Ok, specifically, u2u me and tell me the nature of your illness and the meds you are on. Then I can explain the "why" if there is one.

Doc.................

Get married!
Have children!
Find a new doctor with a positive outlook!

Originally posted by Kinja
Get married!
Have children!
Find a new doctor with a positive outlook!

Oh dear, another Evangelical gets involved in a serious discusion and has the most simplistic answer. What a surprise.

Sorry luv but I also believe that you are being restricted from having children for a specific and worthwhile reason: it is to protect you and any children you may produce....

You have already had 2 miscarriages, but did not state as to whether you had come off ur meds before becoming pregnant.

Are you allowed to adopt children? To be honest, if your not allowed to adopt due to your mental illness, why should you be allowed to birth your own children?

I do not think you have fully explained and described your personal situation and this may be the true reason as to why you have been given birth control.

Um who is the "man" ?

I wish I could give you a nice answer but is more here that what you tell about you and your doctor, perhaps nobody will be able to give you a good answer unless is somebody with the right credentials.

Sorry about your ordeal and I hope is some good treatment available soon and you will be able to have a child.

juging by your wrighting and spelling wich is MUCH better then my spelling
your handycap cant be to bad .Who are we to say tthis person should or should not have a child .After she did make a valed point taking about all thous so called normal women who have children then dont care for them.
Ps whos to say what normal is a dog has babys and is much much less intelagent then this lady/.
all ill say is MISS if you can think for your self then think for your self and let no one decide whats best for you.
Ps though if your having misscareges then its something to think about carefully as it can cause bad health problems.And if your handcap is genitic you need to be sure because you may pass it to the child.
but In the end it should be your desision not anyone elses.

Originally posted by Simcity4Rushour
juging by your wrighting and spelling wich is MUCH better then my spelling
your handycap cant be to bad .

WTH does that have to do with mental issues!? Most people with mental illness are very intelligent people...that's not the issue here. We have no idea what the mental illness is, it's percentage of being genetic, her abilities to raise a child....we know nothing.

To dotgov101, I'm sorry to hear of your miscarriages You many want to get a couple of other opinions from different Doctors, and make an intelligent conclusion.

[edit on 2/19/2005 by LadyV]

it is not the man doesn't want you to procreate........in this day and age would you really want to bring children into this world???? i have CHOSEN not too.....even though EVERYBODY I know that is a parent says i should have kids 'cause i would be a 'good' parent.

the question is ...why do you want to have kids, .....personal, social, spirtitual reasons......

i can but it wont.............and i guess there is always more to the cryptic story................

It's a pill. I someone there everyday forcing you to take it?

People be very carefully what you are telling the lady, here is something more about her problem that her story tells.

She has problems with her pregnancies and the ability to carry a full term.

I will say not more.

Sorry luv but I also believe that you are being restricted from having children for a specific and worthwhile reason: it is to protect you and any children you may produce....

You have already had 2 miscarriages, but did not state as to whether you had come off ur meds before becoming pregnant.

Both pregnancies were unplanned. The first was terminated against my will.

Are you allowed to adopt children? To be honest, if your not allowed to adopt due to your mental illness, why should you be allowed to birth your own children?

Many couples are turned down as prospective adoptive parents. Couples who can not procreate. The primary reason is due to not having enough mulah. Even with adopting children from other countries, it requires a significant amount of money.

I do not think you have fully explained and described your personal situation and this may be the true reason as to why you have been given birth control.

I said my personal situation was described in my diary. I have adult onset schizophrenia. I am not psychotic, retarded, or a sociopath. I was born a child prodigy...but it all dissipated slowly. My situation is well known by many doctors and several researchers. I have spent a significant amount of money on answers, of which there are few.

I tend to both domestic and wild animals. I enjoy birds...seeing them feed from my many feeders. I rescue kittens. I am not incapapable of caring for another being.

I'm not comparing a child to a bird or a cat, I am merely stating that I am not completely incompetant.

Yet.

Science dictates that I will get worse. However, my partner is successful and grounded in life.

What about drug-addicted mothers? No one slams them. No one forces them to abort or shoves birth-control pills down their throats. They are less competant than I.

Dot.

Originally posted by BattleofBatoche
Um who is the "man" ?

A slang term for the Federal Government.

Originally posted by marg6043
I wish I could give you a nice answer but is more here that what you tell about you and your doctor, perhaps nobody will be able to give you a good answer unless is somebody with the right credentials.

Sorry about your ordeal and I hope is some good treatment available soon and you will be able to have a child.

I guess there are no "nice" answers. Maybe that is why I don't get any from the Medical Profession. Or my family. Or my friends.

Maybe the answer is too sad for me? The one that I don't wanna hear, but is true?

Thank you for your cautions regarding others' responses. I really, really, really appreciate it. I was prepared for it, but thank you nonetheless.

Dot.

Originally posted by Simcity4Rushour
juging by your wrighting and spelling wich is MUCH better then my spelling
your handycap cant be to bad .Who are we to say tthis person should or should not have a child .After she did make a valed point taking about all thous so called normal women who have children then dont care for them.
Ps whos to say what normal is a dog has babys and is much much less intelagent then this lady/.
all ill say is MISS if you can think for your self then think for your self and let no one decide whats best for you.
Ps though if your having misscareges then its something to think about carefully as it can cause bad health problems.And if your handcap is genitic you need to be sure because you may pass it to the child.
but In the end it should be your desision not anyone elses.

Uhmmm. I spell and write well because I'm not mentally challenged. I've attended well-known university and pursued very difficult degrees prior to my final diagnosis.

I'm not upset with your words...I just needed to clarify that. It's a misconception that many people have. Also, just because someone can't spell or write well doesn't make them challenged, either.

We all have our gifts...we also have our difficulties.

Nearly all of my decisions need to be made for me. I follow nearly all of them, because I don't want to end up wearing PJ's for the rest of my life.

Dot.

Originally posted by clearmind
the question is ...why do you want to have kids, .....personal, social, spirtitual reasons......i can but it wont.............and i guess there is always more to the cryptic story................

I'm "At That Age." I have a biological clock. I have felt the joy of pregnancy, and the abyss of losing two children. I don't want to have a child to "replace" them (that is common amongst women who have lost children). I want to have a person in my life that is 1/2 me. A person to love and will love me unconditionally.

Not all of this world is awful. Especially the world of having a human being inside of you. . no feeling compares to it.

Dot.

Originally posted by parrhesia
It's a pill. I someone there everyday forcing you to take it?

Yes. If I don't follow each and every doctor's order, I lose my health coverage. If I lose my health coverage, I'd get much much worse.

You know though...maybe it's for the best. Maybe it happened for a reason. The irony is that I am the only child left in my family who can bear children. The family name will end when I die.

Plus...my diary says it all. I am deficient in certain areas, ingenius in others. My S/O said he would immediately take custody so that the authorities couldn't automatically take my child from me. . . but such will never be the case.

So he buys me teddy bears to hold. Sometimes I catch myself rubbing my belly. I dunno....when I was younger I planned a life with picket fences. Saved my money for it. . . worked my ass off.... I really wanted to have a child. But. .the hardest lesson in life to overcome is that we are extremely lucky if we get what we want.

Right?
Dot.

I think that there must be a medical reason (not mental illness) that would make it so the doctor would prefer you not be pregnant....or maybe the meds that he has you on would be harmful to the baby or something. BUt as far as I know, they shouldn't be trying to stop you from having a baby, simply because of a mental illness....not sure, but I think that would be illegal, like you said, their are people worse off that you that are having them...
try talking to your doctor and seeing if maybe he wouldn't be able to explain to you to the point of you being able to understand him (I know I have trouble understanding them sometimes), and well, if he can't explain it to you to your satisfaction, try seeing another doctor....maybe you just have a jerk for a doctor (ran into a few of those in my lifetime also....)

Were those previous miscarriages related to your medication ?

What are the changes of a succesfull birth without them ?

How much would abstinence from medication hurt you?


Well, there might be another option, I think in some countries you can buy the services of carriagemothers that will bear your fertilized egg, so you can have a child of you and your partners DNA while still be able to stay on meds.

in laboratory they can even sort out the healthy embryos that not carry known inherital genetic diseases defects.

.....Yeh, a little Mullah goes a long way in Mexico or something. They will give you an officiall birth certficate as if you laboured yourselve in a Mexican hospital while on holiday. Lots of crooks and tough, be carefull from who to buy services in Mexico, try to get in contact with people who have taken such alternative routes for advice...




[edit on 19-2-2005 by Countermeasures]

Nearly all of my meds are extremely harmful to a human embryo.

My first pregnancy was under observation for an additional month. I was informed of it as I was being ambulanced to a State Hospital. At that hospital, Risperdal was tested on me. I found out that that is how pharmaceutical companies find out how harmful their drugs would be to a human fetus. They use State Hospital patients (when admitted, you basically sign away a couple of legal rights).

So I was fed Risperdal and "pre-natal vitamins." My blood was taken every single morning. One month later I was forced to terminate the pregnancy. I don't remember much about being there....I've blocked it out. I know that I didn't have my own file with the gynecologist who saw me. My paperwork was stuffed into the State Hospital files.

I was sedated and restrained.
It wasn't a pleasant place.
I said no over and over, but they did It anways.

Then I woke up, and It Was Over. I was then placed in a regular hospital for aftercare for three days. Then I was sent to a private hospital, where my doctor was a well-known researcher of Schizophrenia. He studied me for ninety days....

Funny thing is...after being in nearly every hospital in Washington DC (including Georgetown and Johns Hopkins), I didn't get a correct mix of meds until I moved to Fargo and placed on State Aid.

Maybe it's something in the drinking water. Just kidding. My memories hurt, but other than that, everything is good now.

Which is why I'm back at point A. I'd like to have a child.

Dot.