If political news was always good news instead of always bad news, what would be some headlines?

a reply to: throwaway115

BREAKING NEWS
It turns out that Bats sometimes end up in pools. Be vigilant and calm about this.

"In a surprise reversal, the Koch brothers donate 99% of their wealth to alternative fuel research"

"Donald J Trump and Hillary Clinton tie the knot!"

After a tumultuous two years for both politicians, ending in divorces for both, the couple decided to tie the knot. Hundreds attended the spectacular wedding at the couple's Mar-a-Lago club.

"Finally we can share our love with the world," the couple exclaimed happily.

Mrs. Hillary Rhodam-Trump will continue to hyphenate.

A lot of development indicators:

1) lowest murder rate per capita in history
2) highest global average standard of living, in history
3) longest life expectancy in history, etc

People don't realize that we've made some real progress on a number of metrics.

a reply to: throwaway115

originally posted by: Tekaran
Next up, Bass Boat prices plunge 200%, southeast moves to 4 day work weeks, and mortage debt forgiveness nationwide.

4 day work-week, now this would be nice...

"USA moves to a four day work-week for all workers"

USA has moved toward a four day work week, which consists of working four ten hour shifts. Families are reporting much higher satisfaction as more families are allowed to spend time together over the three days off. The economy has also picked up drastically as people are using their third day off to go out with family or go shopping. Local businesses are picking up as people have more time to enjoy their local scene, frequent the restaurants and connect with others.

breaking news

we've been under control of the child trafficking corrupt CIA since JFKs assassination. We are now giving the MSM back to the people.
Comcast, The Walt Disney Company, GE, Newscorp, Viacom, Time warner, and CBS have had their assets frozen and will be divided amongst the great people of the United States.

Here is your country and your minds back...

a reply to: throwaway115

Studies Show New Virus Cures Cancer.

Studies Showing Propensity for Empathy and Understanding Rising

Studies Show Rates of Autism (heart disease, HIV, diabetes) On the Decline

Obama and Hillary Jailed!!!

In huge bold print taking up the entire first page.

originally posted by: TinfoilTP
Obama and Hillary Jailed!!!

In huge bold print taking up the entire first page.

Nice oneeee... it's good to keep the target audience's literacy skills in mind