posted on May, 19 2018 @ 02:24 AM
Well I just found something out that explains a lot of things about my night terrors as a toddler until I was about 20. I would feel like I was
drowning and couldn't breath in my dream (and I think I stopped breathing while sleeping). I remembered thrashing around while asleep, sometimes so
hard I fell out of bed and that woke me up. My parents always blew it off and just said "huh" and/or "I wonder why you get these".
My parents, especially mom, always used to & still does, brag about how amazing her kids were (2 of us, I have slightly older sis) at learning to swim
about the time we learned to walk, if not before. Now not really "swim" buy be in water, go under, etc, but learned to doggie paddle at least by 3
and dive in no later than 4. Sis has new kid and family was talking to sis's Mother-in-law (MIL) & mom said that the little one is the age she
started getting us used to water. Said that she would put us under water at 6 months old. MIL was SHOCKED (she is a child psychologist & other child
related expertise), aghast really (but kind of hid it, only me and sis picked up on it). Mom said "babies naturally hold their breath underwater.
All you have to do is blow in their faces and they hold their breath". MIL said "that is a new one to me". I immediately asked how old we were
and mom said again just that age as my sis's kid (~6 months). I immediately had flash backs to all the night terrors where I was gasping for breath
and thrashing around in dream & in bed - happened 20-40 times a year when young.
So over the next week whenever I would blow in the babies face, from mild to fair amount (nothing hard or make her feel uncomfortable), the only thing
she did was close her eyes, put on a big smile and turn here head from side to side like she was trying to determine where the air was coming from -
and also put her hand up (not in front of face but to the side). I didn't want to hurt her or alarm her, but i had to see if she would hold her
breath. The entire time she continued breathing as I had my thumbs on her chest (she was standing on my lap, fingers wrapped around on her back). She
continued breathing the whole time. Out of 20-30 attempts never once did she seem to hold her breath. I have a feeling that kids don't do this (old
wives tale) or some don't or they don't do it completely. I think my drowning night terrors stem from this and probably sucked down water many
times while being "taught to swim". I can't explain those terrors any other way. Does anyone know anything about children holding breath and if
so, how long can they hold it - maybe I just couldn't hold it long enough... The sad part is that there is no point in asking parents about this as
they would never admit to an accident or anything their fault.
I've always had the feeling that I've blacked out things from my early childhood, some memories have come back slowly of extreme pain, hunger,
feeling totally alone for long periods/abandoned and lots of fear. I don't have any memories of being in the water until I was almost 4 but I have a
lot of memories of that afterwards. The odd thing is that I'm told I was never sick and was always taken care of and none of the stories would
translate to any of the feelings that I have remembered. Now all of these memories have been very difficult to remember and I've worked really hard
on it by very long periods of meditation (hours & hours on end at once) often using old pictures, childhood songs and such to help set the mood. I
feel that i don't get the full story from my family and I have LOTS of scary stories from the time I can remember (very bad family arguments that
felt directed at the children - like we picked up the anger/hatred vibe). This made me extremely sensitive to determining the "temperature" of a
room starting from first grade on (it just got better with age) where I could sense people's moods, if there had been a fight, if people were angry,
sad but I wasn't as good at picking up "good moods" and happiness (could be b/c it was faked or there was often little of it).
During 3rd gr - 12gr I used my dog as a barometer of the mood of the house. I could read him like a book b/c he was always there and I could tell his
mood and know pretty much exactly who was mad, if both parents were, etc. We had a close bond b/c we both were sensitive to these things and would
hang out together when the tension or moods were bad.
On another note, the little one was playing in a HUGE box of packing peanuts while me and mom watched her while I filmed. Mom was about 18 inches
away and child would try to eat a peanut once in a while. I was 4-5 ft away filming and mom would just say no and not try to take it away until I
bolted towards her and caught it just in time. WTF! that was the point of her being close to baby. This happened 5x and each time no action until I
dropped the camera and darted over to catch her as it entered her mouth. When I said WTF mom (not exact words - no swearing with baby around) I'd get
a death glare and she would say "I was getting it" but she never acted until I rushed in. The last straw I backed up for a wide view of both and
baby did same again and I said "get it, get it now!" and she let it go and the baby took a bite/chunk. I had to fish it out of babies mouth while
shooting death glares at mom. This is only one of many similar incidents. It seems there is a major problem that IDK how to address as it isn't my
kid and I don't want to get between mom & sis but I want to protect the baby. Mom did similar with piece of fruit and waited to take it away until
after she bit a piece off and stopped breathing/choking (not couching, just wide eyed and noticeable she was in trouble) I was the furthest away and
was the first there to help (parents where right next and just stared). They didn't react until I screamed help her, get it out of her mouth while
getting up and running over. I had told them not to give her food she could bite through at that age (and I'm the young, dumb black sheep of family)
but they all know better and tell me to be quiet and mind my business.
I'm worried about this kid and I know I could never confront my parents about this and there is A LOT more regarding my childhood that my parents
minimized that certainly shouldn't have been.
I think some people want to play the hero, even if it means it could hurt a little child. Being able to brad you saved your grandchild from choking
may seem noble to some dimwits but I ask why was she ever in the position to choke in the first place you jerk. Just b'c a person has given birth
and has grown children, doesn't mean they know how to parent nor that they did a good job, but it seems that many people think this is the exact