Question regarding grieving

a reply to: chrismarco

It also depends on how you view death. What is death to you? To me, it's just the beginning.

a reply to: Iamonlyhuman

It's about loss dude, loss of the person who was loved.
Bonus if they live on, but my loss is as selfishly as hard to deal with regardless...I miss the person.

a reply to: chrismarco

Sorry for your loss,like its been mentioned everybody is different. It might just be how quickly it happened, lost my dad just over 2 years ago but it was after a long fight with cancer. Had a few moments here and there early,but it was almost 2 years after where i was thinking about him and let loose as much as I let loose in situations like this. Don't read anything into how when and if you react more or less.

a reply to: chrismarco

My dad was admitted to the ICU on Monday.

I kind of have already let go as we do not have any relationship or interactions for over a decade. People always say “at least try” or “he’s still family...” but they have not lived decades of their life trying.

We grieve for our own in our own time and in our own space.

Sorry for your loss. You will find that time and space when you are ready!

a reply to: chrismarco

Not everyone is a stereotypical wailing ball of emotional agony on the floor, and that's perfectly fine. 7 billion people are not all going to react to a death in the exact same manner, that's not how humans actually work. We deal in our own unique & individual ways. You do you, and don't worry about what others think of it. It's not their place to give an opinion on how to deal.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. You could be in shock and it will hit you when you least expect it. Something may trigger a special memory and you may feel it then. Or...you may feel that he is in a better place and are comforted by that fact. Everyone handles things differently as you have heard repeatedly in this thread. There is nothing wrong with you so don't feel guilty. Hugs!

a reply to: chrismarco

The loss of a parent is very difficult, even if we are adults, and it's expected. When it is a shock, even more so. Give yourself time. You are likely holding together for those around you, and not yet allowing yourself the time needed to grieve. You also might not be comfortable crying in front of other people. If that's the case, either one, really, you might take the time to get someplace alone, and just let yourself miss your dad.

No reason to feel guilt, in any case. You surely loved him, and will miss him, and that is what matters. Just give it time.

When we lost my dad, many years back, I cried a little at first, some at the funeral, but more, at later times, when I found myself wanting to talk to him about this or that, and then remembered that I no longer could.

Condolences, in any case. Know how tough it is. Both parents are gone for me, far too young.

originally posted by: visitedbythem
a reply to: chrismarco

I lost my mom 5 years ago, and handled it pretty good. I didn't break until several month later when I went to call her on the phone to tell her some good news. I had forgotten that she was gone. It helped that she was a strong Christian woman that walked the walk, and sincerely helped so many people on this planet. I know she is in a better place now. She is not in that grave. That body was just a shell that housed her spirit and soul, when she walked this planet. You will be just fine

I did that with my dad, for months after he was gone! I'd want to tell him about something, or think, "Dad would really love this.", and then remember. Took a while to adjust. Been a LONG time now, and I still miss him.

originally posted by: TEOTWAWKIAIFF
a reply to: chrismarco

My dad was admitted to the ICU on Monday.

I kind of have already let go as we do not have any relationship or interactions for over a decade. People always say “at least try” or “he’s still family...” but they have not lived decades of their life trying.

We grieve for our own in our own time and in our own space.

Sorry for your loss. You will find that time and space when you are ready!

For what it's worth, prayers that all works out as well as it can, and be sure you can deal with whatever comes. Can understand family issues.

chrismarco

I reacted similarly when my sister was murdered. It was such a shock that I never really actualized my grief. I love and miss her every day, keep a bit of her ashes in a bullet shaped pendant but, aside from a few tears, I never really grieved.

I think, for me, it had, or has, a lot to do with the manner in which I view the experience that, I believe, we erroneously refer to as death.

The way I see it, the only thing that was killed was her physical form, her "earth spacesuit" if you will. Somehow, somewhere, I still believe her consciousness exists in some form whether as infinite awareness or a reincarnated soul, i don't know.

That's my take on the matter, anyway. I hope it helps.

a reply to: LadyGreenEyes

Thanks for the kind words.

I cried my tears. The time has past. He hasn't really changed. Even my younger step-sister has given up. He's from a different era and never really knew me. I don't fault him for that.

That part of the river has flowed under the bridge. It is "dealing with family" I don't look forward to.
Like chrismarco says, "Why are you so cold?" etc.

Like anything else in life, there are great moments and those are mine to keep or share as I see fit. Like I said, in a time and space of my own choosing, with those worthy of receiving gifts in kindness with no strings attached (strings work both way; for you to try and use, and, for the other to use against you).

Since I was young and read about Buddhism (five? six??), I have never seen death as an end or even something to be feared just to be experienced and observed. That is where knowledge comes from.

-peace

originally posted by: TEOTWAWKIAIFF
a reply to: LadyGreenEyes

Thanks for the kind words.

I cried my tears. The time has past. He hasn't really changed. Even my younger step-sister has given up. He's from a different era and never really knew me. I don't fault him for that.

That part of the river has flowed under the bridge. It is "dealing with family" I don't look forward to.
Like chrismarco says, "Why are you so cold?" etc.

Like anything else in life, there are great moments and those are mine to keep or share as I see fit. Like I said, in a time and space of my own choosing, with those worthy of receiving gifts in kindness with no strings attached (strings work both way; for you to try and use, and, for the other to use against you).

Since I was young and read about Buddhism (five? six??), I have never seen death as an end or even something to be feared just to be experienced and observed. That is where knowledge comes from.

-peace

You are welcome, and I hope things have settled some by now. We all grieve differently, anyway, and when there were issues with the person, that does make a difference.