Well now that I'm a bitter nasty old man let's talk about bitter, nasty, old candies!
Old people candy: candy that either isn't around anymore, or isn't anyone's first choice. It's legendary candy you have to dig for on the bottom of
the shelf. You know the kind I'm talking about, the kind that only old people give out at Halloween, the kind that you might see around Christmas, but
old people still manage to have a year-round supply of. It's candy no one likes!..including old people!
If you've seen Necco Wafers, odds are you've probably never been brave enough to try it. If you have tried it, you've probably never wanted to try it
again. If you do enjoy it, you'd be just as happy chewing on some Alka-Seltzer tablets or blackboard chalk.
My grandfather's favorite candy was the jelly bean. It goes without saying he refused to try Jelly Belly's. Why? Because that's not an old people
candy. He'd buy them by the 55 gallon drum for pocket change. That's okay I guess, but they were all pretty bland and tasteless...except for one...the
licorice bean blecch!
One of my mom's favorite candies was the rootbeer barrel. I haven't seen 'em in a while, but they appear to still exist. If you've ever wanted the
taste of a dry, non-liquid rootbeer, then this is the candy for you.
Now when I was a kid, and not just a furry manchild, I used to love wax coke bottles! I don't see them anymore whenever I shop around, but I believe
they are still made. Oddly, I enjoyed the flavor and texture of the wax just as much as the sugar water inside. I do not enjoy the gummy Coca-Cola
bottles however. They are even worse than the rootbeer barrels.
So what got me thinking about candy today was a nice, fresh pack of candy cigarettes I found. These are not typical to find in stores anymore for easy
to guess reasons. They are not thrilling as a candy. They are chalky and bland like the Necco Wafers, but you can take cool selfies with them at
least. The impressive labels almost make them look like the real deal!
Whether you're young or old...you just have to admit that 'old people candy' exists. What are some of your favorites? Any types that aren't made
edit on 17-3-2018 by NarcolepticBuddha because: (no reason given)