What a cop out, yes?
I can use words that have no meaning to you, like how ‘Consciousness’ had no meaning for me. That’s what I'm supposed to do, right? That’s
what we do—so I’ll try to use ‘words’ to describe this ephemeral spiritual experience, the same way I’ve tried to explain it to my loved
ones, while their glazed-over unconnected look doesn’t falter under the barrage of my meaningless words bouncing off of them:
It feels like being lifted off the ground with pure energy, but being awash with it in every cell and atom in your body. It feels like
praise and adulation at the same time, in the same moment. Like if you took all the prayers in the world and experienced them in a manner that they
were both directed as worship of you *AND* that the power to enact them also came from you. The feeling of holding the pulse of the gods, that you are
a god being adulated as one while you exult in the radiance and immense power of the source. Being so filled with energy that there may be only one
shred of your consciousness to retain a thought-image: AWE. The experience of touching the source is one of pure Exultation and Energy. In the moment
that you are filled with it, it is the *only* thing that exists and has ever existed. There are surface-firings of thought-attempts I experience that
might suggest I had a life or conscious existence before the source, but they can’t be true because I am in the source now and have always been here
and it’s the only thing that matters or will ever matter. Ever.
In this state, Time is not a component, only Energy. To try to describe this is impossible because it’s a feeling of energy and exultation in every
‘Sense’ that you can have a sensation and in so many ways that you have never experienced a sensation before. Imagine being filled with a bolt of
lightning in every cell in your body, while simultaneously every cell is being lit up by a flashing prismatic/chromatic strobe light. Furthermore,
your inner-ear sense of gravity or balance is twisted into infinite compression and being jolted and filled with energy. Imagine every fiber in your
body being lit up by the most intense, building-sized electromagnets focusing all their energy on you.
Energy. Vibration. Exultation. All.
When I come back from this to my body here, laying down on a bed or on the floor, I immediately burst up and gasp for air, like taking a first breath
after drowning, opening my eyes and realizing that I'm here and trying to process what has happened and where I am (and precisely *WHO* I am). I am
ecstatic and filled with pure joy and positive energy. It's the most ‘positive’ state of mind or attitude I’ve ever consistently achieved in my
life. But instead of standing up and jumping for joy, all I want to do is go back and touch the source. Remember: it is the only thing that is, or was
or will be!
So, I repeat it; I feel for the vibration in my jaw; I feel my sensations splayed out like horizontal layers or fan blades. I lift them away and go
back to the vibration of the source, it fills me again, blasts me away and lifts me up. It reminds me of that scene from Terminator 2 where Sarah
Connor has the dream about nuclear annihilation and she holds the chain link fence while a nuclear blast shreds the meat off her bones. It feels like
that, except the nuclear blast is stronger and it fills every single cell of your awareness. And you are filled with KNOWING awe and exultation.
Once I'm back for good, I’ll hit a point that I can’t easily ‘cross-back-over’ to touch the source or my mental fatigue is such that I'm
worried I’ll get blasted away by it or try to stay there forever. While there, soaking in it and being obliterated by the source, I have repeatedly
had the thought that maybe I will stay there and never ‘go back’ to return to my body casing. Sitting here now, reflecting on this idea, it is a
terrifying notion, but there is no terror while being filled with exultant energy.
At that point, I'm filled with so much positive energy that what I usually do is hike till exertion or some other arduous physical activity. I am
mindful in the moment of complete exhilaration at being alive and life itself. I’ve just touched the source, been filled with its energy and then
returned back here. Life is amazing, life is beautiful, my consciousness is ALIVE and it’s here in this body in this world at this time! How #ing
amazing is that!
So, after accidentally falling into a state of complete disassociation of my consciousness from my body, I have had many ‘death-experiences’ where
I interact with (or am interacted upon by) an infinite energy source. And now because of that, I have what I will describe as a new sensory input
system—or let’s call it a sensory organ for simplicity. We understand it’s not like I grew a psychic-kidney, but my new organ gives me a sense
for ‘feeling’ electro-magnetic waves or frequencies and this sense is greatly enhanced during moments of meditation or when I am relaxed, for
example when I'm laying down in bed each evening about to fall asleep.
This is a typical situation where I would feel this new sensation:
I'm laying in bed at night, about to fall asleep, I feel a strong vibration in my head, similar to what you might feel if a train was
passing by or if the washing machine was on a spin cycle and shaking a nearby room. This vibration would sometimes be felt in different parts of my
head, to include sticking out of my head and fluttering on my face. It feels like a pulsing/throbbing tornado/vortex of electrical energy. I know that
it has a magnetic field to it because I can feel it repulsing/attracting against another magnetic field at a specific point in my head.
Months go by, I feel this sensation most every night while trying to fall asleep and during meditation. I spend hundreds of hours exploring this
sensation, ‘pushing’ against it, ‘pulling’ it, manipulating it, pushing it against its repulsive magnetic polar field. I find that it vibrates
at a different speed at different times. I don’t know what it is, but I know that it is *real* and that I am experiencing it and interacting with
I have conversations with friends and family about it, the Gomer-Pyle stare looks right through me while I attempt to explain. I go through google
searches but can’t find any answers specific to what I'm experiencing. Read some cool books on meditation, but nothing specific to me that gives me
answers as to what is the source, what is the vibrating energy that I feel every night when I try to fall asleep. It’s fluttering on my face with so
much strength that it keeps me awake. I'm thinking I won't get anywhere with this, and most unfortunately there isn’t a mosquito net available that
can keep this thing off my head at bed time. Then I have another breakthrough: this ‘thing’ that I feel fluttering around,
zipping-in-and-out-of-me and all over...it’s *me*
edit on 8-3-2018 by Justshrug because: spacing
edit on 8-3-2018 by Justshrug because: (no reason given)
on 8-3-2018 by Justshrug because: (no reason given)
edit on 8-3-2018 by Justshrug because: spacing