posted on Feb, 21 2018 @ 03:42 AM
Warning: Events mentioned and people mentioned, are real. Names if mentioned are not altered.
Many years ago, I left my parents home. Like all children, I had to go my own way and live my own life. I flew far away from the home nest, so far
it took hours with a flight, almost 24 hours in a car. Needlessly to stay, my mother was left behind ... alone. My parents had been divorces for many
years, and she had also divorced her second husband.
I usually check on my mother every now and then. And once, she had fallen in her apartment and broken her hip. After that, she had a hard time to
leave the apartment and called upon her daughter who was living just 5 minutes away. To do her groceries. However, her daughter has her own life to
take care off and wasn't too happy about it, but made a deal with our mother. She'd do her groceries, but my mother was living on the 3rd floor(or
2nd, depending on how you count) and that was a bit too far for my sister. After all, she had her own life to take care off. So, their deal was that
she'd buy her groceries but my mother would throw out a rope down her window, and my sister would tie the grocery plastic bag on the rope, and then
our mother would reel it up.
Pretty neat arrangement.
Of course, until I and others in the family came to understand it. Then we let our sister hear our opinions on it, which our sister wasn't too
happy. After all, all the burden of her mother was on her shoulders.
You see, our mother has always had some memory lapses. Since she was a kid. The family doctor used to laugh and say that it wasn't a problem, he
himself forgot sometimes where he put his keys, etc. For me and my older brother, it was sometimes confusing as she mixed our names. But, our sister
immediately identified that our mother had Dementia. Her brain functions weren't normal, so she contacted the health care system in Halmstad, Sweden
to push forward a Dementia issue.
At this time, our mother was obviously getting old and her daughter was having a huge issue with handling her, with buying her groceries. Not only
did she need to buy her groceries, but her mother was calling her on the phone to have her come and do stuff for her, several times a week. Not only
that, but our mother didn't listen to her daughter. Our mother was giving bread to the birds outside ... she was a "bird" lady ... and she was
annoyed with the tenant down stairs, who was always causing noises. Obviously, our mother was a nuisance. So, whatever happened afterward, I can
only guess ... but my guess is, that our mother was given some pills to handle her attitude and my sister gave it to her, as "vitamins".
Unfortunately my sister didn't check these pills, so our mother had a stroke. My sister is of course busy, so she couldn't have noticed ... after
all they weren't living together. And when she came to her house, she was lying on the floor, having been there for days ... in her urine and
excrements. Well, obviously, giving my mothers history with memory lapses. She had developed Alzheimers at some stage, even if she could administer
herself at this time. It was only a matter of time, before she wouldn't. But, everybody missed her "stroke" ... after all, when I and others came
to the scene she had recovered mentally from the stroke and was fully logical. The Doctor who came to see her, even thought she was just suicidal
and needed to put into the psycho ward. The doctor, being a friend of my sisters husband, was probably acting on information my sister had given him.
Unaware of this, I stopped it ... probably shouldn't have, after all ... my sister, like all women ... is always right on these issues.
After this, our mother isn't capable of walking very well. But she is getting help at her home, from home assistant workers ... but she's annoyed
with them, because they can't actually help her with anything she needs help with. They can't do the dishes, aren't allowed to make a sandwich ...
but our sister managed to have them do that, and they can't lift up our mother, dust the apartment, help her with washing or anything else. Our
mother, being as unreasonable as all old ladies just thought they were an annoyance and told them to leave. Blocked the door, when she found them too
I mean, such aggression against home helpers, can't be tolerated really. Angry statements, and telling the to "get out". After all, she's an old
demented woman who needs total care. That was quite obvious, so her "agression" needed to be taken care off. Pills were administered, but not
"legally", so they were smuggled in her food and drink. However these administrations weren't "properly" supervised, so there were relapses and
times where our mother would "regain" her in-sanity, and she became increasingly alone. So, the next step was to treat her as our sister treats her
kids, if they can't listen and obey they are left alone crying, until they are willing to obey. However, our mother just gave up and ended up on the
floor once again ... and our sister drove her to the hospital with bruises all over her body, and face.
I, of course, being an unreasonable man ... made demands. While our sister, denied that her mother would ever return to her home. She wasn't capable
in taking care of herself, and after several weeks in a short term care center. She again, acted angry against the personell and had to be dragged
out, crying and kicking, by police into the mental institute. Even if that wasn't the proper place for an 83 year old woman with Alzheimers, it was
at least the best waypoint to the dementia center at the old peoples home. The mental institute gave her some pills, and then sent her off to the old
home care center ... where she now, can't talk or make any coherent sentences. But at least she is happy, as she can't complain about anything
except for the short periods of time, where she doesn't take her medication. My sister visits her regularly, to make sure her mother understands
that these are "vitamins" and she needs to take them.
When the summer comes, my sister plans to take her mother out in a wheel chair ... and let everyone see, how good a daughter she is, driving her
demented mother in a wheel chair. She can now do, exactly what her huspand did to his dad and everybody was talking about how good a son he was. The
good daughter, can now show off her mother who is happy in the last few months of her life.