Someone anonymously posted about my wife online

originally posted by: MarkOfTheV
a reply to: PraetorianAZ

Typically if someone comes forward with information like this they will have a few more supporting details than just hearsay.

I had a friend who was engaged... some dude called him up on the phone and told him that his fiancé was actually a prostitute. He identified himself and said that he hooked up with her as well. He was calling out of conscience.

My friend called BS until the dude provided a web address to the escort service where her picture was with testimonials and pricing.

They "talked it out" and he justified it somehow in his head, they are married with kids from different spouses than each other, and post relentlessly to Facebook about how glorious and lovey their relationship is.

Dang. At least if my wife was hookin she would bring home more than teacher pay.

I thank you all for the replies on this thread. Some were really great, and some were, well, what I expected. The last 24 hours have been chaotic, to say the least.

My wife and I sat down today and she is hell-bent on hiring an attorney and going after this person. So that is the route we have decided to take.

Someone wants to hurt one of you. There's a lot of things I would look into and contemplate.

Look at how the paragraph was worded, is there weight in specific areas, does it appear to be aiming to cause a particular response or was it more of a "warning"?

Where is the paragraph, teachers forum, porn site... where it is placed may define it's intended audience. Is it on a site that would leave it up or take it down asap? There is a time frame involved that may define whether you were meant to see it or if it was meant to reach you via word of mouth, or if it was intended to get your wife fired.

If it is worded as though it is meant to help you, then there's a reason they didn't tell you in person and they are veiling contempt or malice. If it is meant to hurt her, they wouldn't tell her. It may be intended for her employer to see.

Cui bono, to whose benefit. There is malice involved, ascertain that and it may point to the perpetrator.

As for legal proceedings, unless she is fired or otherwise suffers some penalty or suffering that can be monetized, it's not worth pursuing. At best they may be slapped on the wrist. Look up where the site is hosted, if it's overseas don't bother, it will cost a small fortune to get the IP if they resist and it may have been posted through a proxy.

You can sue, you may win, but I doubt you would even recover your costs. I would instead look up laws regarding the content and perhaps draft a stern letter and force the host to take down the content. Having a lawyer do that may be worth the money if you want to throw some weight behind the demand.

Good luck.

originally posted by: Boadicea

originally posted by: Fools
You can download all deleted texts from her phone. It's rather simple to do.

I know of one person who did that... and is now divorced. For good reason. If my hubby EVER did that to me, he'd wish me cheating on him was his biggest problem. I would flat out tell him that if he cannot trust me after all these years, then he needs to go. That's not a marriage.

If she freaks out then whoever posted that was doing you a favor by exposing her.

No. I would expect any faithful and loyal wife to be absolutely "freaked out" if her hubby betrayed her trust and confidence in such a way. And especially a wife who sets her phone on the counter right next to her husband's and makes no effort to hide either the phone or what's in/on it. If my hubby came to me in the same situation, I'd hand him my phone and say, "See for yourself." Just like the OP's wife did. No reason to be suspicious... every reason to trust her. And if he still didn't trust me, then I would know he's the problem. Not me.

You cannot see posts that are deleted unless you add an application to do so. If his wife was ok with him seeing the phone as it is, she would also be ok in letting him see what she deleted. If she has done nothing wrong and loves him then she would agree to it to let him know for sure that she is on the level.

a reply to: Fools

If his wife was ok with him seeing the phone as it is, she would also be ok in letting him see what she deleted.

I won't speak for anyone but myself... if my husband demanded such, I'd make damn sure he saw every single solitary message I had deleted... and then I'd tell him to hit the road. Because it's not okay to make such a demand unless you don't trust your wife/husband to begin with. And if there is no trust, then there is no marriage.

I'm not going to wait until the "next time" something comes up and I need my husband's love and support only to find that he won't give it unless and until I prove I deserve it.

If she has done nothing wrong and loves him then she would agree to it to let him know for sure that she is on the level.

Bull. It should be assumed that she did nothing wrong unless and until there's something to prove otherwise. Text messages are not the only way to communicate. So even if she proved there were no text messages, it doesn't mean she didn't use other means. And if the hubby is suspicious, his suspicions won't stop there.

In this specific situation, we have a very vague accusation of multiple infidelities on an anonymous board. No incriminating pictures. Not even any specific names, dates, places or events that can be verified or debunked. And then to trust his friends more than me? Friends who immediately assume that it's true and try to break up my marriage, rather than coming to me first and saying, "Hey -- look what I found! What's up with that?" "Friends" who automatically assume the worst about me rather than giving me an honest chance to defend myself? No. Just no.

If my husband considered this anything less than an unfair and unwarranted attack on me, and wanted me to prove the unproveable (can't prove a negative), instead of standing by my side and defending me, then I'm screwed. If my actions day in and day out for the entirety of my marriage isn't enough for my husband to trust me, then there is nothing I can do to prove myself. I'm just screwed. By my husband. The one person who vowed to stand by me through thick and thin, good times and bad. I'm not going to wait until the next time I'm accused of something unfairly and my hubby throws me under the bus when I need his love and support and TRUST the most.

That's not marriage. The good times don't make a marriage. Those are easy. It's the hard times that make a marriage. Getting through those difficulties together, with honor and respect and loyalty. Coming out on the other side with an even stronger bond and even greater love and appreciation for your better half. But maybe that's why hubby and I are going on 37 years of marriage... and aren't one of the sad divorce statistics.

a reply to: Boadicea

If I were in this situation - even if I was the woman - I would have no problem letting them check my deleted texts. Why would it really matter if I wanted to retain trust and show that I was on the up and up?

I think the only problem with it would be that he might see her dogging him to her pals or whatever - maybe not cheating, but talking gossip with pals about him. Might hurt his feelings.

BTW, congrats on all the years. Very admirable. I am coming up on 17 this summer.

originally posted by: Fools
a reply to: Boadicea

If I were in this situation - even if I was the woman - I would have no problem letting them check my deleted texts. Why would it really matter if I wanted to retain trust and show that I was on the up and up?

I understand your point... if innocent, you have nothing to hide. But in this situation, there is absolutely no possible way to completely prove yourself. None. So if checking my texts on the spur of the moment isn't enough... and if he checks deleted messages and there's nothing, it still cannot prove that I didn't do it another way. I could jump through a million hoops and never prove anything.

Another way to look at it is that I did absolutely nothing to inspire any suspicion... it's all about what someone else did. When hubby and I were talking about this last night, one of the things we agreed about was that only ourselves could do something to make the other suspicious. Not someone else. And especially not an anonymous fool on the internet. We also agreed that it was very unlikely that if we were to have an affair -- much less multiple affairs! -- that we would let anyone know about it. And if anyone else did know about it -- especially multiple affairs -- then there would probably be plenty for the other to be suspicious about. So any anonymous postings would be confirming our own suspicious behavior, but not cause any suspicion.

I think the only problem with it would be that he might see her dogging him to her pals or whatever - maybe not cheating, but talking gossip with pals about him. Might hurt his feelings.

LOL! I can honestly say that I've never said anything about my husband to anyone that I haven't already said to him! But for the most part, I don't really do that -- bitch about him to anyone else. My hubby's a good guy. I tease him a little, but it's all in good fun.

BTW, congrats on all the years. Very admirable. I am coming up on 17 this summer.

Congrats to you too! It's quite the adventurous journey, eh??? And so rewarding in so many ways, well worth it I wish you many many more happy and prosperous years together!!!