Watching Olympics...Snowboarding

Okay, so the wife and I are sitting down trying to watch some of the Olympics on NBC. It's snowboarding...okay, we'll watch that (for a few).

So I'm watching, and listening to this broadcast, and suddenly I realize none of this is in English...at least not any English I ever learned.

Here's a sample of what I heard...

"Ladies and gentlemen here we are at the Phoenix Snow Park for the Olympic mens Halfpipe event. American competitor Shawn White is in the lead for the gold! This is a spectacular event, ladies and gentlemen, the tension in the air is just riveting! Shawn White will be coming up shortly, but up next at the starting gate is Joe Schnebbly Schnebbolpolis from Portland, Oregon...the Americans are taking this competition by storm!

And he's off!! Here he comes down through the first pass. OH MY GAWD...it's a 1240, with a 1651 twenty and the grab was fantastic...just LOOK at that form! Off the 2nd jump...THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE...it's a 1440, with two 1650's BACK TO BACK, a 1271, a 1385 and, get this, a SUPERPLEX! This is too much, folks!! Off the 3rd "difficulty" it's, OH JEEZUS H. CHRIST, he did a 1697 with a 2150 on the backside and a DOUBLE NUT-SACK GRAB, and unbelievably a half nelson with a 624 and 21 combination into a FULL SUICIDE 9943...THIS IS JUST UNBELIEVABLE, FOLKS!!

And here he comes for the finish...we already know this is gonna' be good (thud)...(different voice) Sorry folks, my partner just had a major brain aneurysm, but this competition is really just that incredible...okay, so here he comes.....OH MY GAWD, OH MY GAWD...OH-MY-GAWD...HE NAILED IT...a complete inverted, turn yourself inside out, nut-sack grab, twisting 5150, with a 1229.5 and...and...and...a 8355 with an unbelievable juice-hog 83 coupled with an unleaded 80 bazillion, his signature move, and a Kirasame Nakamoto inverted flying nuclear crab, with an affliction embellishment, and a double 1461 face plant!! INCREDIBLE!! ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE!!!!!"

I'm sitting there asking myself...WTF did they just say???

(and it was just exactly like this through the entire broadcast!!...some kind of foreign language! I mean figure skating used to be bad enough, but at least they say things like "triple axle" (even though nobody knows what an 'axle' is) at least you can see a 'triple' something or other. The "Twisted Slut" always confused me, or maybe it was a "Double Lutz", I dunno...but this snowboarding stuff is just off the rails in my book!

DOUBLE NUT-SACK GRAB

Spat coffee.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

That's why I gave up skating back in the day... The thing is to the untrained eye, all that stuff looks the same. However, depending on which way a foot is pointed or if the right or left side of the board is grabbed, it is a totally different trick in their world.

I used to say the same stuff when I'd hear the announcers. WTF did he just say? Looked like a 360 to me... no, that was the double nut grab.

originally posted by: CaptainBeno

DOUBLE NUT-SACK GRAB

Spat coffee.

Gotta double grab 'em by the nutsack Trump style

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

You're old. And no, I wasn't on your lawn.

And to top it off, Shawn White ....
finishes off his runs with a triple nipple slap half cafe with a backside grab!

He takes the GOLD!!!!

Duuuuuude... so awesomely gripping.

originally posted by: BeefNoMeat
a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

You're old. And no, I wasn't on your lawn.

Dammit, yes you were...I know it!!

And don't you come back! Stay off my damn lawn, sonny boy!!

I'll get the hose out next time...(in the distance) TEACH YOU PUNKS A LESSON!!

Nobody can top Thornton Melon's 'Triple Lindy."

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

The numbers are how many degrees of spin.

1080 = 3 full revolutions
1260 = 3.5 revolutions
1440 = 4 full revolutions

Frontside and backside refer to the direction of the spin, relative to stance. So if the snowboarder's natural stance is say, right foot forward, frontside would be counterclockwise.

When you hear "switch" they're referring to trick that's done out of the reverse of the snowboarder's natural stance.

Most of this stuff is carried over from skateboarding and/or surfing.

a reply to: theantediluvian

Okay, but what's an...8137 'and a quarter' with a yanking nut-sack grab and a wrenching left twist, (with an amputation embellishment) ????

I mean C'mon...what, are people supposed to watch this sport with graphing calculator in hand??

LOOK...it was an inverted Pythagorean theorem with a square root of Pi maneuver and a masterful quadratic equation followed by the integral of 1 to the minus square root of 2...divided by zero ...ALL IN A FUNCTION OF B SUB PRIME!!!!! INCREDIBLE! ABSOLUTELY SPECTACULAR!!!

originally posted by: Krakatoa
And to top it off, Shawn White ....
finishes off his runs with a triple nipple slap half cafe with a backside grab!

He takes the GOLD!!!!

Duuuuuude... so awesomely gripping.

Shaun is an incredible athlete and always manages to raise the bar. Awesome he got Gold, he deserves it.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

I think the important things to keep in mind when watching something like snowboarding is that no matter what the tricks are called, they're impressive feats that most people would never attempt let alone accomplish and it's something that we actually win medals in.

a reply to: mtnshredder

Well, at least he did unfold the American Flag, and hold it stars up and left (for a moment), so he gets a little credit for that.

(we'll overlook the dragging it on the ground and dropping it part for now...he was understandably excited).

a reply to: theantediluvian

Okay...well, play music then, or put sub-titles in...or something!

Nonsense like a "Punjab maneuver with a left side grab and a 8196 and a goretex infusion" means exactly zero to 90% of the people watching!!

I mean, I ain't that old...but you can still stay the hell off my damn lawn!!!

originally posted by: Flyingclaydisk
a reply to: mtnshredder

Well, at least he did unfold the American Flag, and hold it stars up and left (for a moment), so he gets a little credit for that.

(we'll overlook the dragging it on the ground and dropping it part for now...he was understandably excited).

Yes, I saw that. I wanted to reach into the TV screen and pick it up.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

You know it FCD.

What's gonna happen when they eventually get to the gravity-free Olympics?

"It pulled a 10*360-gazillion X a measly 40 trillion, double-nostril, species-saving, composed-a-symphony, won-an-Olympic-gold-in-5-different-events-and said-something-cool, farted-the-anthem-of-his-tribe, and totally-skinned-a-dinosaur, with an unknown quantity of entangled-particle-obtuse-grabs."

a reply to: Nothin

Yeah, I'm out when they start doin' exponents and differential equations in the broadcasts!!

I'll be like, "No he didn't!! I know for a fact that wasn't a sqrt(2 - (x+y/z)^91)/0...that's BS!!"

a stream of jargon specific to snowboarding [ with zero context ] - that no one outside the sport understands = the worst possible way to present iit to a wider audience

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

Grab 'em by the nutsack!!!!

Revenge for all the Deplorables!!!!!

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

I'm in tears from laughter because I know exactly what you are talking about.

And here we are at the freeslope free style and here comes the favorite...and he starts with the 12,000 flip switch donkey hound-he will need to build up speed to perform his signature move...and there it is! the fourteen million translucent dolphin, geez that will hard to beat.

And the scores are in...oh it's a measley 3.1415-Pier Lykenfyorden will not be happy with that-he qualified 12th for the annual Bavarian championship back in 2016 when his coach Herman Backenflippen said-

Just wait until the figure skating, they literally use the term 'phase four' and that got me confused, am I watching figure skating or did I accidentally stumble upon a clandestine navy SEAL operation thru my CB?