Don't know why this memory hit me this morning, but I'm on one of those goofy Monday tangents I guess.
NOTE - This story is not for the feint of heart! (read on at your own peril)
Ever since I was a little kid I was fascinated with all things cooking. I think I learned to cook eggs at about 4-5 (wasn't even big enough to stand
over the stove).
Anyway, me and this girl who lived nearby used to play this game (no, not 'Doctor'!!). It was called "Concoction". The rules were simple; using
edible (i.e. non-poisonous) stuff in the kitchen, make up some kind of a bizarre concoction and have the other person eat/drink it (all). You could
put anything you wanted in it, the nastier the better, but it all had to be edible (no rotten stuff either). The winner was declared when the other
one shouted at their shoes (aka..barfed). Yeah, twisted game, I know, but hey! Because...kids!
So this one time I was on a roll with my best 'concoction' yet. I'd started with tomato juice, then added about every spice Mom had (gobs of the
stuff), and then about halfway through I snuck in about 3 tablespoons of Tabasco sauce, some sugar, dill, mayonaise, a great big glob of Crisco, some
cake frosting and some ground coffee...oh, and a bunch of mustard too...all topped off with some nice whole milk. It was truly ghastly!! It had
about the consistency of a milk shake (what with all the spices and all) and the viscosity of 90 weight gear oil with cat litter in it during
When my friend wasn't looking I cheated a little bit and dropped a few of these little black plastic bugs into it. They sank to the bottom (this was
gonna' be perfect!). She was blowin' sidewalk pizza for sure on this one! I was gonna' take the Belt back! (insert Rocky victory dance).
I had to go first, and her concoction was pretty nasty lookin' as well...with some kind of fizzy stuff oozing up between the furry stuff. Down the
hatch! Gawd, it was horrible, but I was holding it back. I wasn't ready to fertilize the bushes just yet! Her turn!
She takes a whiff of my axle grease molotov cocktail and winces. "Fair is fair!
I said..."Drink up, Shriner!
". Mine had kind of layers
to it, and she made it through the thick layers and was now into the horrifying stringy layers. With a final glug she finished up. Martha was a one
tough chick! As she set the glass down she notices something in the bottom (the bugs!!). I'll never forget this completely expressionless face she
had, completely devoid of any emotion what so ever, just blank. Serene almost. Seemed like it went on for hours, but it was less than a couple
seconds. She looked like she was starting to say something, but there was just this gurgle...then it happened! The techicolor yawn of the century,
from a completely upright position, just casually standing there, trying to talk and this massive involuntary protein spill just launching out of her
head as she spoke! It was like she didn't even realize it was happening, axle grease and hot dog relish dripping down her chin onto her shirt. It
took me a minute to realize what she had said, it sounded like "BaWAAALaaalllgggghhhhsss!!"
, and I realized she'd said 'BUGS!"
hated bugs with a purple passion).
She immediately filed a protest and demanded a rematch. That's okay, I wasn't letting her get too close to me...her breath could have killed a
Yep, that Martha was one tough chick!
P.S. She never wanted the rematch, for fear of what gut wrenching stew of horror I would create next (that she'd have to drink in order for me to
The true "Thrill of Victory, and the Agony of Defeat!"
edit on 2/12/2018 by Flyingclaydisk because: (no reason given)