originally posted by: [post=23123142]TrueBrit
Is it at all possible, that the effects of the chemicals to which you say you have retreated, have caused your assessment of the behaviour of others,
to warp and change, beyond your ability to rely upon them adequately? Is it possible that something you were using before, added to your low self
opinion, caused a pre-existing persecution complex to become ever more present in the forefront of your mind?
This is highly likely. But it also has a twist, as being void and low of chemicals that my mind needs to be stablized naturally has made me paranoid
in a sense, in the delusion that I am not loved because of the strange way I feel inside, but has also risen my perception of the psychology for why
people say and do things on account of what others say and do.
The other side to this story is what I have become, and the way I act can affect the way others act towards me, sometimes they act that way based on a
false interpretation. The foundation that I have is love, I show love through a calm humble caring voice and ready to be at somebody's side in need,
showing them I am truthful in my care towards them and my polite and respectful attention I am giving them, regardless if they have earned trust or
anything from me. Sometimes it is this righteousness by itself for the root cause of others becoming jealous and wanting to harm my emotions just
because I have developed solid foundations spiritually and mentally that they have no idea about why or what they are for, they just know it is right
unconsciously, but they do not know what is righteous because they don't understand spirituality, and that alone causes them to lash out at me.
Is it at all possible, AlienVessel, that you were suffering from a malady BEFORE your escape into chemical oblivion, and are now suffering a
catastrophe instead of a mere problem, as a result of adding unhelpful combinations of chemicals into your brain matter, likely as a result of poor
choices from a psychomedical point of view? I am not saying that all off the books substances are generally bad, it would be hypocritical of me to
suggest any such thing. But what I am saying is, that unless you are a very particular sort of person, with a very particular list of skills,
interests and learning associated therewith, it is not at all common for a person who does not possess a degree in the medical field, to be capable of
correctly assessing what might best effect a troubled mind. The "fling it at the wall and see what sticks" approach is far more common, and I suggest
that on balance, it is likely the approach you utilised in finding a source of chemical calm, to ease the crashing waves in your headspace.
Well I think that from a medical point of view a person must take some of that approach simply because I have found in my experience and learning that
the medical board and the whole international medical society is luciferean, which means they are absolute liars with the will to trick humanity and
ultimately kill them. An example is that the over the counter pain medication is lethal if taken in large amounts because it kills your liver, but the
opiate controlled medication for pain is lethal in large amounts, not because it kills your liver but because it makes you so sedated that you fall
asleep and die because you choke or can't wake up. My point is that one medication sold to the masses is a poison, and the other which is labeled as
the lethal one is actually a natural remedy and if taken correctly is much less dangerous and much more effective than the latter. It's just an
example to show how much culprits the medical society really are.
I posit that the choice you made was not made in a frame of mind which lends itself to informed decision making. I posit that your issue
started not as a result of the treatment of others toward yourself, but that the more concerning issue you have started when you made poor medical
decisions for yourself and your mental health, and are now being flushed down a psychological toilet you pulled the handle of yourself.
I would disagree with your assessment, and thankfully my emotions are not flaring right now so I can explain without being negative. I was adopted,
and my whole life I have felt a longing for my birth mother. I started using early and I had no idea why there was a void in me or what it was, I
didn't even know it was a void. In my adult life, I decided that I needed a loving relationship to fill the void, because when I first fell in love I
found that it worked to help me, and it did heal me. But the reality of my love life has been very painful, I have experienced about 2 months of love
and about 3 full years of unrequitted love, so that means that after what happened in my relationships I was in tears for about 3 full years of my
adult life. I traveled around the world, being the best I could be, looking for love, but it has not come to me and I have given up on love because I
cannot find a woman to care about me no matter how good I am, so it can be argued that beautiful women only are attracted to money, so rich men can
have love but poor men such as myself cannot. In my adult life, through my experience of looking for love, I also sought after love from the male view
which is friendship. And even the friends I have had for decades ended up burning me and showing that they only cared about themselves - no care for
me either in this area. So then I go into the medical arena and try therapists, psychologists, and so forth. And after that I learned that not one
person in the medical area cared anything about me, in fact they all hated me and only wanted my money, and the second I didn't have any money they
would treat me horrible and bring tears to my eyes. Then, this leaves my career, of course I can find somebody in the world to care anything about me
and not want to steal my possessions or cause harm to me or the things I love. But it turns out that among the apathetic people in the world I
encountered in the job world I learned that many executives and the world's leading wealthy people are actually satanists!!! I learned their whole
philosophy, and it makes so so sick. And now from knowing them, I can honestly say that I hate satanists so much that it makes me want to vomit,
because I love God with all my heart, but also I love God's Law with all my heart.
What I am trying to say is that I have spent a lifetime looking for care in the world, from the work field, to the social field, to the medical field,
to the religious field, to the romantic field, and the very truth is that the only beings I have found that care anything about me are not even from
the same species and cannot speak! Because they are animals! So here you have a sensitive man that was adopted into a world of total hatred - For the
Reason That I am Living! When I Did Not Ask To Be Born - But that is the reason they they hate me - just because I am here on the earth - not because
of anything I have done.
And just to let you know, I have always been terrified of needles and therefore have never done heroin. My addiction was oxycodone, and I have, after
a full year of treacherous work, cut down my use.
edit on 27-2-2018 by AlienVessel because: grammar