a reply to: AlienVessel
Is it at all possible, that the effects of the chemicals to which you say you have retreated, have caused your assessment of the behaviour of others,
to warp and change, beyond your ability to rely upon them adequately? Is it possible that something you were using before, added to your low self
opinion, caused a pre-existing persecution complex to become ever more present in the forefront of your mind?
Is it at all possible, AlienVessel, that you were suffering from a malady BEFORE your escape into chemical oblivion, and are now suffering a
catastrophe instead of a mere problem, as a result of adding unhelpful combinations of chemicals into your brain matter, likely as a result of poor
choices from a psychomedical point of view? I am not saying that all off the books substances are generally bad, it would be hypocritical of me to
suggest any such thing. But what I am saying is, that unless you are a very particular sort of person, with a very particular list of skills,
interests and learning associated therewith, it is not at all common for a person who does not possess a degree in the medical field, to be capable of
correctly assessing what might best effect a troubled mind. The "fling it at the wall and see what sticks" approach is far more common, and I suggest
that on balance, it is likely the approach you utilised in finding a source of chemical calm, to ease the crashing waves in your headspace.
I posit that the choice you made was not made in a frame of mind which lends itself to informed decision making. I posit that your issue started not
as a result of the treatment of others toward yourself, but that the more concerning issue you have started when you made poor medical decisions for
yourself and your mental health, and are now being flushed down a psychological toilet you pulled the handle of yourself.
I further posit that getting clean and off the dirt you have imbued yourself with, then seeking qualified assistance if you can, would be a far
better approach, one far more conducive to affecting positive change in your life, than taking the route which has killed so many bright and wonderful
people, yet still appears as valid to those of unsound thinking.
I hope you find resolution to your problem, and that any peace you find comes not at the tip of the needle, or with the repose one finds in the
grave, but from a positive change in your life and habits, motivated by your own determination not to be defeated by your own misgivings.